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jeremy kaplowitz

@jeremykaplowitz.com
35K followers 577 following 5K posts

nyc "comedian" plz follow @quorators.bsky.social ty

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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 14h
just kidding
Primetime 4.5 star review by me:

this is basically how it feels to make Quorators. I am a hunter on the prowl for the weirdo Quora users. pedos, perverts, cops, anglos, people who swim in all their clothes, independent authors. "we need to go BIGGER. we need FREAKS, Jeremy!" Alex growls at me. "Quorate me a WHALE." the pressure is on. I feel it growing stronger every day. "Hi, I'm Jeremy Kaplowitz from Quorators. I'm seeing here, every single day for the past three years, you've claimed to be a pizza and asked what it would be like if you were gobbled up..... you see how this looks, right?" I send in my decoy, Clare, through the depths of Quora+. she munches on a carrot while discussing with a user about how to defeat a group enemy witches with a nefarious spell. we need more. reading lists of broken english by content farmers in India isn't cutting it anymore. Jordan Peterson doesn't post anymore. Orson Scott Card is all life advice. Jeffrey Epstein is dead. "what if an aunt took off all your clothes?" I practice saying to myself over and over in the mirror. we need to find the most online mind. the hunt is on.
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Quorators @quorators.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Watch our new episode all about gang stalking: youtu.be/i70FrKMHUsI
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 28/09/2026
you should gang stalk my podcast by watching my every movement for one hour and ten minutes in this youtube video
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 28/09/2026
Obama laying the groundwork to attempt the post-transition third term loophole
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 28/09/2026
boyfriend eating chinese food
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 28/09/2026
not sure what incorrect vibes i'm giving off lately that multiple people thought i'm the guy they should go to to say that taylor swift has a new song that is bad. i do not care
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 26/09/2026
went to a punk show in a basement venue during the nor'easter and made it home alive 👍
militarie gun
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CHAPO TRAP HOUSE @chapotraphousereal.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
LISTEN UP!
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Quorators @quorators.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Kyle Gordon helps us answer some Quora questions about him. Full episode: youtu.be/QcXhMwKxCHA
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 25/09/2026
always a pleasure to go on Chapo even if one guy in a video game meme facebook group said i would "get the wall" when the revolution comes because of it
patreon.com
1074 - Modern Perverts feat. Quorators (9/24/26) | Chapo Trap House
1074 - Modern Perverts feat. Quorators (9/24/26) by Chapo Trap House on Patreon. Join Chapo Trap House's community for exclusive content and updates.
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 24/09/2026
if you think about how small my family is, when my grandpa died that was the equivalent of one million 9/11s
Benjamin Netanyahu says October 7th was the equivalent of "sixteen 9/11s."

"Proportionately," the death of 1,200 Israelis is "equal to" the death of 40,000 Americans, he says.
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 23/09/2026
turnstile show mostly turnstile shirts. thoughts on this? this has been a nyc band shirt report
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 22/09/2026
oh but if i wear a red charlie kirk inspired neck bandana, that's offensive?!
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 22/09/2026
and these supposed lolcows, as you call them...they produce a sort of...laughtermilk?
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Quorators @quorators.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
What does it feel like to have groupies? full episode: youtu.be/QcXhMwKxCHA
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21/09/2026
i don't know
my ballot for NYT best shows of the 21st century (in no order):

Succession
30 Rock
Mad Men
The Rehearsal
Atlanta
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Flight of the Conchords
Stella (U.S.)
Twin Peaks: The Return
Better Call Saul
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21/09/2026
had a few things i needed to get off my chest ❤️
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21/09/2026
music makes me lose control
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21/09/2026
yea i hate transplants........ HAIR transplants!! i'm trying to be BALD over here
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21/09/2026
had a few things i needed to get off my chest ❤️
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 20/09/2026
playing The Last of Us
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 20/09/2026
i am like a moth to the flame of instagram close friends stories
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 19/09/2026
lot of shirt complements happening in the line for the men's bathroom at the jeff rosenstock show
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Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
It’s very simple and it’s been said over and over but I guess it needs saying continuously: if you deem one group too small to have equal rights you are enabling fascism, not fighting it. The people saying Dems are GREAT on trans rights are not paying attention and/or saying stuff like this.
Nichole Hiltz
The Democrats defend the Kennedy Center but not trans people.
A building.

@treewarrior.bsky....
maybe because defending everything about a super small minority of the population is not worth losing to fascists
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 19/09/2026
who do you think you are
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 12/02/2026
ai? ey i'd like you to shut up !!!!!
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 18/09/2026
just saw a dog take a shit on the ground and force the guy he was with to pick it up in a bag. this is extremely normalized in society, but imagine if the roles were reversed
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Quorators @quorators.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
don't forget to make your voice heard by watching Quorators: Most Online Mind and voting for which Mind you think is the Most Online youtu.be/Gxi9bROrK-s
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 18/09/2026
said the wrong made up nerd name on my podcast
Stupid uncultured Jeremy referred to the cat people race from Skyrim as Kashyyyk, a planet from Star Wars, instead of Khajiit!

[pic of Harakiri]
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DiscussingFilm @discussingfilm.net · 17/09/2026
Vin Diesel has shared a photo of him meeting George Lucas. “Architects of mythology.”
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 17/09/2026
you should be allowed to take a shit for more than 10 minutes if you really gotta
‘Not a place to scroll': NYC's new public bathrooms auto-open door after 10 minutes
freedom of speech guy standing up painting
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 16/09/2026
separating the art from the artist
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 16/09/2026
little concerning that seemingly hundreds of people on instagram think this is real but what can you do really
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George Frankly! @georgefrankly.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Let me be the first to congratulate @jeremykaplowitz.com on his Pulitzer www.instagram.com/reel/DQz3DUn...
instagram.com
Quorators on Instagram
260 likes, 8 comments - quorators on November 8, 2025
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 15/09/2026
🚨 Jeremy Kaplowitz has officially dropped out of the Ed Sheeren tour.
I have made the difficult decision to withdraw myself from the worldwide Ed Sheeran "The Loop" tour due to his inability to denounce the ongoing genocide in Palestine.

Currently, I am secretly hidden in the wheels of his tour bus and was planning to infiltrate his arena show by claiming to be an opening act and performing 20-40 minutes of solo spoken word poetry, or as long as I could before being tackled to the ground by security. But I cannot stand by Ed anymore. 

I do not take this decision lightly. I know many (future) Jeremy Kaplowitz fans are going to be disappointed to not get to learn about my really awesome work, but I simply cannot abide by people who claim to "not wanna get political" when it's about murdering tens of thousands of people. Also I think he ruined that one Game of Thrones episode, which is even worse in retrospect, when you consider how few good ones we ultimately had left at that point.

To Ed, thank you for everything you have done so far to support me. You don't know who I am, but I was the one who kept stealing half of your sandwiches on the tour bus when you weren't looking and your manager kept saying you were "acting crazy." I hope you understand where I am coming from (think killing children is bad), even though you say it's icky to have to think about.

Free Palestine.
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 15/09/2026
please let me up sir
slay the spire bird standing on dead robot
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🔪🔪🔪bryan 🔪 🔪 🔪 @murderxbryan.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
It was our pleasure to share Tony K from Vancouver with the world
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 14/09/2026
everyone truly brought the heat in this episode and i think it is very worth listening to if you like to learn about new and exciting internet weirdos
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TVs Alex Ptak @tvsalexptak.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
This looks interesting. I plan to view the content and then engage with the follow up poll
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 14/09/2026
everyone truly brought the heat in this episode and i think it is very worth listening to if you like to learn about new and exciting internet weirdos
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 13/09/2026
do we think someone can show Mayor Mamdani the hit Digimon short film "CHAMPIONS"
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 13/09/2026
roof
me and my wife on a roof in da city
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 13/09/2026
i guess i always thought the Wolverine game looked bad because the Spider-Man games (which i like a lot) are really awful when you're not just swinging around New York City as Spider-Man and trying to find your old apartment or whatever
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 12/09/2026
not sure what's so fucking funny about remembering the legacy of 9/11 victims like Hugh G. Rection
dumb video entitled "AOC and Mamdani were seen laughing together as the names of 9/11 victims were read at Ground Zero"
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 11/09/2026
folks,
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Quorators @quorators.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Hey, my tall friends and I are looking to team up this hot girl but she doesn't want our short man friend to participate, how do I tell him to leave so we can get with her? I'm 6'6" by the way. Full episode: youtu.be/lZ0kZ8c5LLg
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 10/09/2025
damn there really is a Charlie Kirk quote for every aspect of this story huh
headline: 

Charlie Kirk: "If Somebody Ever Shoots Me Through The Neck During A Speech In Utah In 2025, I Lowkey Think That Rocks"
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 10/09/2026
how are they even getting these pictures of people???
photo of me on the toilet on the big screen at the republican convention at dallas
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 10/09/2026
my wife has been out of town for 2 days and i'm already so bored i can feel myself almost wanting to engage in Ocarina of Time Remake graphics discourse
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