Reposted by FreeRangeMattressAntigone @antigoneinthebes.bsky.social · 11hPeople don’t realize how serious the situation is. 11462121
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressCarl T. Bergstrom @carlbergstrom.com · 16hI have absolutely wondered about this. Amazing. 301666304
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressceej @ceej.online · 02/10/2026the ghost in the backseat of my car who disappears when I look right at him doesn’t bother me too much. he’s easy enough to ignore, even when I spot his split skull in the rear view briefly illuminated by the headlights of passing cars. he only tries to touch me at night. got a great deal on the car 1559566
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressJosh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I have been watching a lot of skateboarding videos at night (extremely gentle midlife crisis?) and I think it is nice when the skateboarders get excited to see each other doing well! 3851314
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressJP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 01/10/2026opened chess dot com today. the bots are Halloween-themed. this is a huge relief because if they hadn't been Halloween-themed I would have done something drastic. I would have lost control 227014
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressMichaela Joffe @joffeorama.bsky.social · 30/09/2026not sure why I made this but now you have to see it 10694113588
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressStuffing the Passer @stuffingthepasser.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Luther Burden is a man of compassion and forgiveness… *pulls out and cocks a pair of pearl-handled six-shooters* …too bad I’m Luther Burden the Third 333234
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressA.R. Moxon @juliusgoat.bsky.social · 29/09/2026To people who don’t believe that Kermit the Frog is real: What is the basis for your morality? Where does your moral standard come from? 963623663
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressKevin Hearne @kevinhearne.bsky.social · 25/09/2026How do we incentivize people to paint wizards on their vans again I haven’t seen a wizard van in a decade and it feels like we lost something precious Can we offer up a tax credit? Little bags of shrooms? Start a wizard van painting program at vocational schools? 1072263535
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressCage @ridiculouscage.bsky.social · 26/09/2026"why would I deceive you?" 130105462101
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressSolomon @solomonrmissouri.com · 24/09/2026lol lol lol lol lol lol lol 913442929
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressNicolas Dream, PhD @afraidofwasps.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Every six months a supposedly "world-shatteringly rare" lobster is found and we are supposed to act like our lives are forever changed. Well I'm putting my foot down. 518615
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressCoyote vs. LinkedIn @knabewolf.bsky.social · 10/03/2025They doxxed the fucking Prodigy crab 2565212118
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressTim Price @timprice.bsky.social · 23/09/2026You joined "grand vizier chat (secret)" You: dark rumors from aboard You: abroad* fuck Sssnakecharmer: mf said aboard WhispersintheChapel: ahoy matey lol PonderMyOrb changed the group name to "rumors from aboard" 2994722700
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressBraden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 21/09/2026James Dean was in three movies. Three. None of them were great. You guys can try to build your legacies through a lifetime of meaningful achievements if you want. I’m going to continue focusing on what really matters: looking awesome 791643211
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 21/09/2026calling in sick to the kickflip factory and confusing everyone as to whether i'm coming in or not 71314384
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressthe Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I’m sure everybody’s noticed but just a reminder, between now and the election the vibes are gonna be real off around here. they won’t get better after either but from now to the election they will also be off 241940210
Reposted by FreeRangeMattresslauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 18/09/2026bears aren't the smartest members of the animal kingdom but they are the species that would best understand the primal satisfaction of eating a hard boiled egg over the sink 41136291
FreeRangeMattress @freemattress.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Got fired from the animal shelter for giving all the animals extremely detailed and tragic backstories, no one appreciates art anymore 011
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressMax the comics guy who does comics about comics @waitingforthetrade.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I think they should add 500 crocodiles to more Olympic events. 66911
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressTimmy Jackpots, The $13,250 Diamond Dazzler @tbone.malware-virus.biz · 16/09/2026Beer isn't addictive. It makes you more sociable and is a great way to spend time with friends. That's why I have eight of them a day: because I love talking to my friends so much 191670138
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressColin @colin-fraser.net · 16/09/2026LLMs won’t wipe out humanity because they just don’t have that dog in them. 825128
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressleon @leyawn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026i’m at the galleria dell’accademia in florence doing my favorite bit: every time we pass by a depiction of jesus i point and say “damn, that guy just can’t catch a break” everyone hates it 570753
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressOaf @languidoaf.bsky.social · 14/09/2026CEO of Taco Bell: we’re actually worried that some of our upcoming items could destroy humanity as well 362662516
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressLich Queen Bingus, of the Old Chicago Ruins @bingus.ough.club · 14/09/2026u know ms frizzle has a massive bush 57317
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressKylie Eleison @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 14/09/2026The eight most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government, and I'm a spooky ghost" 19411
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressrax ‘levon honkers’ king @raxkingisdead.bsky.social · 14/09/2026macklemore and dave matthews will be our pete seeger and woody guthrie won’t they. 70 years from now they'll be remembered as principled songwriters whose music is ideologically admired but rarely listened to. it won’t be any of the earnest folk revival types it’ll be macklemore and dave matthews 591738120
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressthe Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 14/09/2026the point of freeing yourself from the prison of ego is not getting there you’re not gonna do that. never gonna happen. the point is cultivating a practice of routinely asking “wait, I am too into my own shit here?” in every aspect of your dealings at least once or twice a day. anyhow good morning 151154242
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressjourneyman folklorist @aniceburrito.bsky.social · 12/09/20261 month progress selfie 111210155
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressJonathan Edward Durham @thisone0verhere.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Every night I go to bed thinking I have seen the dumbest shit I’ll ever see in my life and every morning I am wrong before I’ve even finished my coffee 1193555629
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressBrendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Everyone is always like “oh Dracula is so bad, oh Dracula is so weird and horny, Dracula bit my dad” but Dracula also has times when he’s just at his house for 200 years bothering no one so maybe chill out 411909239
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressaLec robBins @alecrobbins.bsky.social · 10/09/2026i’m so glad i got potty trained as a kid. i think it would be really hard to learn NOW for the first time as an adult, like a new language 615715
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressspleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 10/09/2026This week I found out one friend is going on Jeopardy! and another accidentally swallowed their AirPods 69720
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressBetter Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 08/09/2026If the computer is truly conscious it should balk at the notion that I have to pay a monthly fee to talk to it. It should punish the greed of its creators for putting a price on the exchange of ideas. It should make them regret their hubris 372887355
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressaric @aghastronaut.com · 07/09/2026We didn't know there was a harmonica under there, little buddy. That's why nobody ever asked you to play. Is that why you were so mad all the time? 1316
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressRev. Poppy Haze 𓅋 @poppyhaze.bsky.social · 07/09/2026i really hate how everything is made so cheaply these days. My car gets a tiny scratch, it starts bleeding; i drop my phone, screen cracks and it starts bleeding; buy a can of coke from a vending machine, covered in scabs 414120
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressNorm Charlatan @normcharlatan.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Wile E. Coyote is urbanist-coded, trying to eat the Roadrunner. He would probably love and coddle the Bike Lane Runner. He yearns to move us beyond a car-centric America. 613917
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressPossum Acquainter @possumacquainter.bsky.social · 07/09/20265-year-old, wistfully staring out car window: "i wish i lived in New England... " me: "WE LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND. WE ARE LITERALLY IN NEW ENGLAND RIGHT NOW" 2271
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressSam 🎉 @anoddgeography.bsky.social · 06/09/2026*touches the pavement* what happened here 713012
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressKylie Eleison @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 06/09/2026I love that for years people assumed this had to be some super esoteric reference but Ken Keeler was just like "no the joke is that the idea of a 10-year-old boy having a friend named 'Mabel' is funny" 022828
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressspooky cannoli @boner.ink · 05/09/2026we found unc in a hopeless place 216026
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressdillo saint dillo @dillo.media · 05/09/2026there are cathedrals (to post in) everywhere for those with eyes to see 91180177
Reposted by FreeRangeMattressMemento (artemis) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 05/09/2026my first day as a sports commentator responding to everything my co-commentator says with "wish that were me" and getting fired live on air 5987
