Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 06/10/2025i have over 20 yrs experience in the field with feedback ranging from “ohmyfuckinggod” to nonsensical moans, as well as a completion rate of 95% (+/- 3) - updating my blowjob resume 68620
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 06/10/2025babydoll i recognize you’re a hideous thing inside 36426
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 07/10/2025drinking coffee after noon is a disaster it is like daring your brain to do nothing but play the tambourine off-beat all night long when you’re trying to sleep 813429
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 07/10/2025i will carry your night skies and the shushing whispers of your early morning rainstorms i will harmonize with your lonesome cries as you tattoo the rhythms of your favorite songs over my skin and when the sun wakes again this side of our world, i will stand beside you fingers curled through yours 47423
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 08/10/2025my dream self made a context appropriate reference to “waiting for godot” while conversing with another dream character and the first thing i said when i awoke was “fucken nerd” 18020
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 09/10/2025they should make doctor’s appointments that i am excited about 1014335
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 10/10/2025upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me 1018749
Reposted by Irrationally CalmAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 28/09/2025THEM: whatcha doin ME: [filling a plate with slugs and flatworms] making creepypasta THEM: that’s not what… ME: [whistles tarantella while tossing in duck penis and a disarticulated teddy ruxpin] 421640
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 10/07/2025[First date] Me: You’re in for a real treat later. My anus looks like a group of Michael Chiklis impersonators gathered around an open grave. 1237
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 21/06/2025Siri has a poor sense of humor. I once did the under there/underwear joke to her and she sent a SWAT team to my house and spent my entire direct deposit on edible arrangements 04210
Reposted by Irrationally CalmOpinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 20/06/2025HEY YOU 🫵 wanna follow some funny folks you may not have seen floating around The Sky yet? here are some of my favorite posters with under 10k followers DM me if you want me to remove you 🥰go.bsky.appwe're not an echo chamber don't put in the pa--Join the conversation 54358111
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 10/06/2025Them: Can I tell you something? Me: Probably? I mean you’ve demonstrated you can ask me something so it should really just be a matter of punctuation. 24710
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 08/06/2025Sorry I cried “to the thicket!” before going down on you. 66518
Reposted by Irrationally CalmTyler, from the Internet @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 05/06/2025Okay well if you don't want both of your thumbs shot off then don't be popping off at people with shit like "I declare a thumb war," some folk do not take such declarations lightly, now let's chalk this up to a misunderstanding and I'll take you to the hospital 46416
Reposted by Irrationally CalmPookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 05/06/2025Don't mind him, that's just Impaled by Harpoons Jim, he's named that on account of the harpoons that keep impaling him. *Waves* hey Jim Jim: *a harpoon suddenly flies out of nowhere and impales him* howdy 26216
Reposted by Irrationally CalmSurprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 05/06/2025Me: [forgetting your name for the 100th time] Also me: "877-Cash Now!" 2205
Reposted by Irrationally CalmCandy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 04/06/2025Welcome to adulthood. You now identify sounds by how expensive they’ll be. 117761
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 04/06/2025How much ball cleavage…dickolletage if you’d prefer…is best for a white tie event? 14213
Reposted by Irrationally CalmfuturedadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 04/06/2025THE EAGLES: take it to the limit CADY HERON: the limit does not exist 35314
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 04/06/2025I’m sorry it “ruins the mood” Sharon, but my mom taught me to always say “oopsie” whenever I make a mess. 08825
Reposted by Irrationally Calmdave to the k @dave-tothe-k.bsky.social · 04/06/2025To my wheelchair using friends: looks like I need to get sort of a smaller/ narrower wheelchair for my mom. Cramped house, space etc. Any advice on brands, hings to avoid etc? Might also need an assisted lifting device for lifting her her in and out of bed etc. all input would be great. 4811
Reposted by Irrationally CalmKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 04/06/2025I’m such a private person that it’s none of my business what I’m up to. 1019866
Reposted by Irrationally Calmsweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 03/06/2025*being given a rorschach test* they’re all my posts 111538
Reposted by Irrationally CalmJimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 04/06/2025You don't have to tell me twice because I don't listen either time. 4288117
Reposted by Irrationally CalmJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 04/06/2025There’s a puka shell necklace in my closet that talks to me like the Green Goblin mask 1736768
Reposted by Irrationally Calm🎃HalloDeeny🎃 they/them @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 04/06/2025What goes on in the crisper drawer of my fridge is none of my business 1637174
Reposted by Irrationally CalmRiver Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 07/01/2025If you think turtles are due for their comeuppance, you’re going to love Thursday’s soup of the day. 59115
Irrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 04/06/2025How many times should I pump my Reebok Pumps in order to achieve optimal sexual performance? 4469
Reposted by Irrationally Calmhappy filth_oween @filth-waste.bsky.social · 04/06/2025my coworker was excited to tell us that she is starting a worm farm. she was notably less excited when i offered my body as tribute 110713
Reposted by Irrationally CalmLori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · 13/05/2025If you were just gonna paint more weird ones on, why didn’t you just keep the eyebrows you already had? 49148
Reposted by Irrationally CalmFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 03/06/2025The light-up sneakers stay on during sex 712248
Reposted by Irrationally CalmIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 04/06/2025Me: What if instead of a cat there’s a shark in the box Schrödinger: You’re missing the point but it's pretty badass 231213199
Reposted by Irrationally CalmJulie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 02/06/2025I thought Grandpa was in the back room practicing his harmonica. Turns out that he was having a fatal asthma attack. I'm so embarrassed. 611845
Reposted by Irrationally CalmJulie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 03/06/2025My boss, Johnny Four Oysters, is working on a plan that will make us uber rich. We'll soon be taking full control of all vending machines owned by the blind syndicate. 15632
Reposted by Irrationally CalmTusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 03/06/2025If I'm not overestimating relationships I'm probably at my favorite bookstore, where stifled laughter cannot explain to me why it was all reshelved spine first just before I got there, or how the cat sleeps around every corner ten lives ahead of me 38843
Reposted by Irrationally CalmJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 03/06/2025At McDonalds looking at the menu through opera binoculars. 1439186
Reposted by Irrationally CalmMarl @marlebean.bsky.social · 03/06/2025If you shout "HOT MAGMA ERUPTING" while you're in the office bathroom, they'll let you sit in there for hours! Even if you are just watching volcano videos. 617860
Reposted by Irrationally CalmDamnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 03/06/2025Just trimmed my cat's nails for the first time. It went fine but he farted 3 times and he's not normally a windy boy so i'm guessing it must be a pull my finger thing 1127753
Reposted by Irrationally Calmsweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 04/06/2025not to get too deep in the weeds here but everything is horrifying 1437467
Reposted by Irrationally CalmFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 03/06/2025ME: wow that pine tree has a lot of branches WIFE: and its trunk is all sticky ME: I literally just said that janice 920939
Reposted by Irrationally CalmFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 03/06/2025[first date] WAITER: *places check on table* ME: please let me pick that up DATE: oh ok thanks ME: *picks it up and hands it to her* you're welcome 529434
Reposted by Irrationally Calmphil mccrevice @jewkrainian.bsky.social · 03/06/2025when you guys are being mean to me, this is who you’re being mean to 37614
Reposted by Irrationally CalmFrank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 03/06/2025"You can hide, but you can't run," -- Mama tortoise, giving the lowdown to her kids 08220
Reposted by Irrationally CalmFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 04/06/2025[narrating a documentary on magpies] just look at these fucken badger chickens 513735