Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 23/04/2025Not one person at this funeral has even commented on my sweet nWo shirt 021
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 09/01/2025I may not be technically savvy but I can work the self-serve kiosk at Hungry Jacks like a motherfucker 010
Reposted by Boring PhilKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 09/01/2025It’s important to hang out in the living room to get excited about returning to your bedroom. 22555126
Reposted by Boring PhilRob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 09/01/2025I picked my bank based on who would give me the most free lollipops. 1266
Reposted by Boring PhilRobert Manchild @robertmanchild.com · 09/01/2025I will peel a carrot or I will wash a carrot but no way am I doing both. Pastor: These are very unusual vows. 121036170
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 09/01/2025On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat lozenges to the wolf with the COVID symptoms? 010
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 21/12/2024Post your favourite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only. 030
Reposted by Boring PhilDumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 21/12/2024Back to the Future but it’s just me trying to break my parents up at the dance 625969
Reposted by Boring PhilIrrationally Calm @direbeard.bsky.social · 21/12/2024It’s a cold and it’s a broken “cowabunga” 3556391232
Reposted by Boring PhilDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 20/12/2024Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? [flashback to me maniacally laughing as it burned to the ground] Me: they went out of business 014340
Reposted by Boring PhilViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 19/12/2024Banned from paintball for trying to broker a peace agreement 18669100
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 19/12/2024Call 1-800-MY-BALLS today to hear about some amazing offers! 000
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024My wife can turn any room into an escape room, she just needs me to make a pun-based joke 010
Reposted by Boring PhilJust Mike @justmike.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Arachnophobia is so stupid. Gay spiders should be able to get married. 3459
Reposted by Boring PhilSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 18/12/2024My wife and I argue using baby voices so we don’t scare the dogs 26465111
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Wow! This could actually be a really useful review if anybody out there is looking for a new phone. What a great recommendation right before Christmas 👍 010
Reposted by Boring PhilGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 15/12/2024sorry you’re so mad about gender because you hate the idea of even more genders rejecting you 231890
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Teeth so white they're starting a M*A*S*H podcast. 073
Reposted by Boring PhilFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 18/12/2024[first day as a lawyer] ME: did you commit the crime DEFENDANT: no ME: are you lying DEFENDANT: no ME: *looks pointedly at jury* i rest my case 38613
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Could you review my phone? I forget what brand it is. 120
Reposted by Boring PhilSir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 17/12/2024My ambition for 2024 was to become a full-time tech reviewer so here's my review of some of the big-name phones that were released this year 2411310
Reposted by Boring PhilFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 17/12/2024LAWYER: Your wife is divorcing you because you think everyone is a cop ME: *narrows eyes and looks at wife* I see you called for backup, Sharon. 516746
Reposted by Boring PhilSarco @sarco.bsky.social · 18/12/2024The Grinch Whose Sensual Touch Ignited a Fire in My Body 312939
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Little did I know, having just completed Diddy Kong Racing for the first time, that this was where I would peak. 011
Reposted by Boring PhilFun @funkelly.bsky.social · 18/12/2024well i hold YOU in contempt of my balls, your honor 410921
Reposted by Boring Phil'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 17/12/2024Why are there no microwave cooking shows 1712331
Reposted by Boring PhilDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 18/12/2024*slowly raises hand 20 minutes into an important office meeting* so there are no donuts? 49445
Reposted by Boring PhilYourpalmal @therealpalmal.bsky.social · 19/11/2024[At a job fair] Me: Where's the Ferris Wheel? 720872
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 18/12/2024You guys should just let Australia be the new superpower. Yes it's hot but we have koalas and surfing and stuff. Everyone who signs up gets a free ride on a kangaroo, no questions asked. 020
Reposted by Boring PhilTracieBreaux @traciebreaux.bsky.social · 17/12/202412 yr old me: Some old lady yelled at me 25 yr old me: Look at that old lady yelling at some poor kid 50 yr old me: I had to yell at some kid 201076178
Reposted by Boring PhilKalvin the Reindeer @kalvinmacleod.bsky.social · 16/12/2024I will jingle for half the way. Final offer. 13510140
Reposted by Boring Philbacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 17/12/2024Alexa, release Brian. 710045
Reposted by Boring PhilKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 16/12/2024I may not be the prettiest or smartest girl in the room, but I definitely have the most chicken nuggets in my purse. 771227123
Boring Phil @boringphil.bsky.social · 17/12/2024*confessing sins on my deathbed* I never stopped collaborated and listened 110
Reposted by Boring PhilViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 16/12/2024[inhales helium from balloon] Your mom and I are getting a divorce 211697255
Reposted by Boring PhilUncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 09/12/2024I've been escorted out of lots of places. Usually they just punch you in the stomach. No big deal. 0104
Reposted by Boring PhilAmy @lolennui.bsky.social · 09/12/2024(David Muir voice) yet the handwritten manifesto paints a picture of a man who was not loving it 534437
Reposted by Boring PhilJames @james.tarnation.lol · 09/12/2024cows can’t fly which means technically it’s all ground beef 26600109
Reposted by Boring PhilKelly__le @kellyle.bsky.social · 09/12/2024I’m officially “I don’t trust the mail” years old. 3417
