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Hoofie Girl

@kaitisnotreal.bsky.social
2.1K followers 667 following 335 posts

Yes it's me. Me again. (No it's not) If you like my search link we're dating. Ever been catfished by a parody in the fake bitch light? Fake it til you break it Potato's Grandma The original Pony Baloney™️

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
I don't post much over here anymore because I discovered trolling oldies over on Nextdoor
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Frances: Meh and Loving It @francesmeh.reviews · 06/10/2026
vampire who likes to hang out with his fang out
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I can't wait until enough time passes where my phone isn't trying to show me my own nudes from 5 years ago with some bullshit like, "On this day"
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
I would rather give up my daily Celsius than look at another dick in the DMs
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
When a guy sends me an unsolicited selfie, this is what it looks like to me
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Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
New reaction pic just dropped
Zohran doing a ¯\(ツ)/¯
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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
I get my annual physicals just like everyone else, every six weeks with a team of 22 specialists
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Mal a BOO 👻 @hallowedverses.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
The feminine urge to hit people with a frying pan
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Love getting home and finding out I have been inadvertently free bleeding from an untimely period and realizing my crotch smells like a defunct penny factory
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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
A mental breakdown so huge I need to rent a venue.
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Princess of Whales @princessofwhales2.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Gonna start the extended school year program tomorrow and Thursday in 100 and 102 degree heat respectively. Do you think it would be okay if I went just dressed in ice?
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
This is your monthly reminder that Kait is not real and everyone loves authenticity, as flawed as that might be or as scary as it might be to be vulnerable and true [various horse sounds]
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
Being the wearer of slutty little glasses is rough because like obviously I want you to cum but I find it deeply disrespectful if you say you want to on my glasses
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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
The fourth of maybe is that like the twelfth of never
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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
can the fourth be with you
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
ordering everyone in my family a Rudy Giuliani Funko Pop for Christmas this year
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
I only come over here now to spy on people who blocked me on main but some enterprising fellow or gal blocked me on both somehow. Farewell, mine enemy, I (didn't) barely knew ye
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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
i like to assign a numerical value to the orgasms i get from my sex toys . vibe rater , is what im saying
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jeff 🎃 @jeffjefferson89.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
spinoff called "the glizzard of oz" where all the characters go on a magical journey to get a hotdog
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† Wristy The Terrible † @wristroom.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
labubu is the singular form of labia
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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
i just had a really good idea but apparently it’s not a novel one
zenithrentalsupplies.com
Moet & Chandon Champagne Vending Machine | Zenith Supplies
Buy Moet & Chandon Champagne Vending Machine Online Moet & Chandon Champagne Vending Machine Description of Moët & Chandon Champagne vending machine Moët & Chandon, one of the world's ...
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
A computer for the shower
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spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
I'll see your sabre rattling and raise you a jerk-off motion.
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
@hubbab382247.bsky.social You're weird dude
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Boo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
eating tonight’s dinner (egg sandwich) and thinking about tomorrow’s dinner (egg sandwich)
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 24/02/2026
If my boyfriend called me "gal" on the skyline I would burn all his dick pics
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
Yes, he knew he was a good boy. But how good?
Dog staring philosophically out at ocean
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
This is my daughter, Lottie. Short for axolotl
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 18/01/2026
a nickel for my thoughts? holy shit, that’s a 400% pay increase. thank you!
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dawn of the debb @debbshock.com · 18/01/2026
literally a cartoon character
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dawn of the debb @debbshock.com · 10/01/2026
logging on
a photo of a very full figured blond woman in a pink cleavagy gown and boa running down porch steps captioned "me running tiddies first into the weekend and leaving this week in the dust"
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 10/01/2026
Low-hanging fruit? Please don't talk about my boobs
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 09/01/2026
Send me a dick pic, but just the hub where it connects
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
I made a late resolution to become Swedish this year (not move there just eat 35 lbs of candy)
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Reverie @augustreverie.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
I hope to find your package under my tree
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
Bravo, anonymous hero.
Signpost with distance to London (600) on top, France (100) below it, and a pair of underpants below that.
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
Do-over? The only do-over I want is me going back in time and I don't open the DM of your dick pic
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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
I am thinking about resolving to be less helpful in 2026. Just be a real pain in the ass. Across the board
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
This could be us but you insist that we not be real bros
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 13/12/2025
having a conjugal visit with a pan of leftover lasagna
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
I would love for someone else to ask me why I didn't answer their email or phone call. If I couldn't manage that, do you think I magically have better answers for you now?
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 11/12/2025
Oh shit I forgot I had this account
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Jackie Bouvier @jackiebouvier.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
I know I'm prettier when I smile. I just don't give a fuck.
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
Please know that if I really like you slash have a crush on you, there's a 99% chance I also hate you and think you make poor choices and say stupid things
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 29/11/2025
Sucked is better than skipped Works for productivity and also dicks
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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
I thought my ex-husband was nonstop jorking but it turns out that's what snores sound like through the guest room wall
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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
At least everything that feels like a caving in wants to be there. I studied the myth of Atlas, trained with arches and rollbars, all I think about is starting up a casual rubble conversation for a one collapse stand
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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
I do this thing called Whimsical Fridays where I put an autoresponder on my email and pretend like I am not sitting right there reading them and very able to respond immediately
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