Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 15/10/2026Who chose Janelle Stelson to be my party’s nominee again? She’s the fucking worst. If she loses, she deserves it. Thanks for reminding us you were a lifelong republican. Thanks for agreeing with work requirements for Medicaid - nursing home grandparents will enjoy coming out of retirement! 111
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianOne Dog’s Opinion 🐾 @onedogsopinion.bsky.social · 14/10/2026a haunted house but it’s just a room full of people asking me what I do for a living 29929
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianJake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 13/10/2026The worst haunted house of all time would just be 13-year-old girls quietly judging you as you walk through.  1117239
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 12/10/2026I would like to think that I would have had an affair with Freddie Mercury if the timing had been right 011
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianJeff Mac @jeffmacishere.bsky.social · 09/10/2026anyway sorry I was late, my dog needed to sniff one specific blade of grass for seventeen minutes 03114
Reposted by Merkin the Magicianhaunted ghoulfriend👻🍬 @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 09/10/2026im just a cunt 3481
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 09/10/2026don’t believe the 18 Pro battery hype because i’m telling you i charge it twice a day 000
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Just randomly agreeing to do stuff because I don't think I'll live long enough to follow it through. 212857
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianRachel @slightlycaustic.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Sometimes I feel like shit and look in mirror expecting to see the same but nope I’m still adorable. Also I’m kind of narcissistic. 1256
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I bet those pandas have listening devices in their buttholes and a camera where their left eyes used to be 000
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness Me: (straw slurping) probably iced coffee 1139690
Reposted by Merkin the Magicianash @ashhull.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Guy in line ahead of me at the pharmacy got all the good drugs. 1011538
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 27/09/2026A gloryhole, but for someone to talk to 1013344
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianColin Robinson @fermiparasocks.bsky.social · 27/09/2026when i say we need a scott presler i mean we need a hair guy 141
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianGreg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 27/09/2026“taste the meat, not the heat” i whisper as i stick my dick into the toaster oven 2926667
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Where do grasshoppers go when it’s cold outside? 142
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Doorbell “We’re passing these around for Scott Perry. I was wondering if you want one.” “You can shove that up your ass.” [ chuckles ] “Thank you. Have a good one.” 021
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Me: that’s the most eloquent thing you’ve ever said Coworker: it was a fart Me: i stand by my statement 05017
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 17/09/2026we run out of gas before november people can’t get to the polls that’s how they cancel the election 000
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Josh Johnson has me thinking. Is the AI guardrails discussion just admission that it was all simply hype? Is it cover for their metaverse-sized failure? 000
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Forced bestiality is becoming a real problem 000
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026the aliens are the only ones who can protect us from ourselves now 021
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianVote Angel 2028🏳️⚧️ 👉😎👉 @benotafraid.bsky.social · 13/09/2026The dems are currently running against a bunch of pedo supporters who crashed the economy, started a losing war with iran, and sent out secret police on our streets. And yet, for some reason, they're choosing to attack trans people, one of the groups the pedo supporters use as a scapegoat. 10389110
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianJooli-AHH! Boolia 👻🍂🎃 @jooliaghoulia.bsky.social · 12/09/2026If she still flirts with you after filling your prescriptions, she's a keeper 38812
Reposted by Merkin the Magician🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 13/09/2026You can really tell a lot about a person. And that is called gossip. 014925
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Life Alert should make the sound of Sonic losing his rings when someone falls 320767
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 12/09/2026looking for my husband at Costco. I don’t have one. Just looking. 011
Merkin the Magician @bizinatch.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Abdul el Sayed should put me in a headlock before the world ends 000
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianMarc @runoldman.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Friend: Where do you stand on this election? Me: In line at the liquor store. 319285
Reposted by Merkin the Magician✧𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔶 𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧ @altaudge.bsky.social · 11/09/2026i’ve always been afraid a snake is gonna get in my butt somehow 2312216
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianIma Cygnenoir @ima-cygnenoir52.bsky.social · 09/09/2026remember the *GOP* death panels accusations? Well here they are 39109245117
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianAmy @lolennui.bsky.social · 10/09/2026(jd vance cornering an aide who pretends not to hear him) so what are people doing after this 81354125
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianBoo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 09/09/2026i’m not the hottest person at the club but i am the most mentally ill 14013
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianBuffalo Temple of Music, Sports, and Whatever @sethfromthe716.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Just to clarify: Is it Kirkaversary or Kirkiversary? 151
Reposted by Merkin the Magician🎃HalloDeeny🎃 they/them @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Foldable phones? What else? Foldable laundry?! Give me a fuken break 724451
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianSkip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 10/09/2026rip to everyone who’s gonna get banned tomorrow 2221231
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianDropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 27/07/2023me: how did it become a virtue to believe there’s an invisible magic man in the sky who will torture you after you die if you don’t do whatever you’re told he wants? lol guy on the bus next to me: I’m sorry I said bless you when you sneezed 020141
Reposted by Merkin the Magician4fuxake @blueheartedly1.bsky.social · 06/09/2026At this point, Mitch McConnell is the only vegetable not recalled. 38685193
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianStrughoulo @struggalo.bsky.social · 15/02/2026Stoned! At the grocery store. 97425
Reposted by Merkin the MagicianAaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 06/09/2026Raskin after Kristen Welker plays him clips of controversial Hasan Piker comments and asks him to react to them: "I think all of that is an irrelevant distraction" 75579011245
Reposted by Merkin the Magician"Stumpus Unwell" @philipmarks87.bsky.social · 06/09/2026They should invent a drug that's like caffeine except stronger and faster 4124
