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Bart

@bartandsoulforreal.bsky.social
399 followers 200 following 88 posts

Nerd. Deep south lib. RTR.

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Reposted by Bart
John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
*brings my first rodeo to a knife fight *realizes this is a bad combination of idioms
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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
The candy shop door swung open and he strode in. Patrons gasped and clerks hid under the counter. He put a smoke out with the heel of his boot, pulled another from his leather jacket, and gripped it with his yellowed teeth. "Oh my god," a woman whispered, "it's the fifth dentist"
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WittySassBasket @wittysassbasket.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
quit acting like all of 2026 hasn't been spooky season
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
One time I saw an Amish mother nuking a couple of Hot Pockets in the microwave at the South Dayton Super Duper as her daughter watched. She worked that machine with the skill of someone diffusing a bomb
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Salty in the South @saltyinthesouth.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I’m filing a restraining order against my neighbors scented washing detergent
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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Just think there's someone who has yet to be born that'll be preforming with Madonna at the VMAs someday.
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Lizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Slept on my body weird last night. Who wants to come over and snap my spine?
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Apparently it's not appropriate to laugh and shout THAT KID GOT BEACH SLAPPED when you see a child get knocked over by a wave
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Salty in the South @saltyinthesouth.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
If I pass you on the right you should go straight to jail
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Pretending I’m on the phone is the only talking I do on the phone
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Me: [depressed] Dog: [drops ball in my lap] Hey, throw this for me Me: Ok Dog: [fetches ball] HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME DO IT AGAIN Me: [feels much better]
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chelchell @chelchell.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Its really agonizing when I know I’ll never get a truthful answer
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anton lestrange @hugemclarge.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
be the person in the dm room that types sporadically but never hits send
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I like people who talk but don’t really need you to listen, just be here to talk at
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Me: My two favourite characters are Samwell Tarley and Samwise Gamgee, so I named my son after them. Friend: Sam is a lovely name. My son, Wellwise: See, that would've made sense!!
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Vote like you hate rapists and pedophiles
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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
if I’d just had a fall back career as my parents suggested, I wouldn't be stuck in this dead-end job as a cardio thoracic surgeon.
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Lizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Hobbies include biting off more than I can chew and choking on my own spit
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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
It’s always “your ADHD is so bad” and never “I love how enthusiastic you are starting multiple tasks at once, even if you don’t finish them”
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Who amongst us hasn’t tried to dial someone’s number from the calculator in their phone?
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I come very lowly recommended. Ask anyone.
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Absence makes the heart grow fonder (of absence).
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Boochy's BooBoo Booboobooboo @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I've stolen candy from a baby and it was fucking awesome
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
my phone: 100% charged me: same
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Salty in the South @saltyinthesouth.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I hope you slay your demons
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I miss going to the movies and opening smuggled beers in time with the action
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
[during sex] Me: what's wrong honey, you seem distracted Her: [solving rubik's cube]
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
My cardiologist advertises his practice as “For The Faint Of Heart”
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inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
She was rare, like a goth Square Dancing
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
that creepy sensation you just felt was my tongue dragging across your timeline as I licked the yogurt off my phone screen
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
My cat has weaponized his floofy little cheeks.
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Went to Goodwill but they were all out.
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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Kids these days will never know how stressful it was to go to the movies as a large group and be the one who had to buy and save the seats.
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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
“Making friends is hard.“ —Dr. Frankenstein
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I think I might be the problem in my relationship with my printer
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Honesty is the best policy unless you need life insurance, in which case life insurance is the best policy.
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Jooli-AHH! Boolia 👻🍂🎃 @jooliaghoulia.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Be the reason for the uncomfortable silence
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
me: one pill please pill bottle: 37 me: no just one please pill bottle: 37 me: please only one pi- pill bottle: SILICA PACKET
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Boochy's BooBoo Booboobooboo @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Edibles are just food that make you eat more food
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Anxiety doesn’t care whether you spell xanax forward or backward.
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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
A guillotine having a little basket underneath is an upsetting commitment to tidiness. We’re not animals, after all.
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
If I don't punctuate my off-putting texts with light hearted deflections I'll die lol
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
*during sex What’s your favourite bible verse?
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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Hey girl are you a deep mud puddle half a block away from the car wash exit because I would totally hit that
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
you contain multitudes, I contain doritos and impotent rage
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
[airplane plummeting to earth, passengers screaming] Me: I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU Wife: I’VE BEEN UNHAPPY FOR A REALLY LONG TIME
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Coach Rusty @coachrusty.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I’m an old soul in the sense that I don’t understand how to work the TV remote and will fall asleep in your favorite chair
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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Every band in the seventies had a Brian and a John
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
When you know you’re a shitty person it takes a lot of the stress out of trying to pretend you’re not.
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 05/05/2024
Do that thing I like where you delete your Twitter account.
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