Pavel @spavel.bsky.social · 23/05/2026if you cowardly try to sacrifice your friend, NPS will simply send a second bear 7647321180
Sabrina Kary @skaryfair.bsky.social · 24/05/2026JFC… I seriously hope this did not happen to somebody. 020
OrangeSky @spacetalk.bsky.social · 23/05/2026*Park Ranger Loads the second grizzly into the trebuchet* "You wouldn't think this would work but they're surprisingly sturdy animals" "Yeah the biggest issue is when they come back and bug you for another go" 4523
Drew Melbourne @drewmelbourne.com · 23/05/2026Famous Human Saying: "You don't have to be faster than the bear. You just have to be faster than your friend." Famous Bear Saying: "You don't have to be faster than your friend. You just have to be delicious." 0200
RadiantHostility (he/him) @radianthostility.bsky.social · 23/05/2026I grew up in Alaska and "always hike with someone slower than you" has been gospel since the 80s and I don't know what the NPS thinks has changed. 070
nigeloverstreet.bsky.social @nigeloverstreet.bsky.social · 24/05/2026The bears will continue until morale improves. 010
Warren Terra @warrenterra.bsky.social · 23/05/2026So you're saying I need to bring more friends than the NPS has bears? 2150
Dr Cinzia Yates 🇮🇲🏴 @manxinwales.bsky.social · 24/05/2026I mean... its not 'wrong' as a survival tactic, but definitely wrong morally. Although I found this kind of works with mosquitos and ginger people... they'll choose the ginger person so find one to stand next to and you'll be fine! 130
MarkDee @thelinefor2.bsky.social · 24/05/2026so there we were, me, joe and pete; running, and pete was kinda slow soooooo 000
Ian @wordsoup.bsky.social · 24/05/2026@retroid.bsky.social What if the bear is driving a runaway trolley* & by pushing my "friend" down I'll stop the trolley from running over 5 people then derailing & killing the bear? *yes, all of this is in the forest & no I don't know why they built a trolley line through the middle of the forest 070
LemmeRockYa ChakraKhan (they/them) @uptnsinclairvoyant.solidarity.social · 24/05/2026People are laughing, but this warning is grimly necessary in a world where ~symptoms~ of empathy-heightening experiences are actually systemically pathologized. 010
Javs Y Arte @javsarts.bsky.social · 23/05/2026Like anti-pirate tactic in ganes they respawn an infinite amount of bears 020
Red Dirt Girl and Her Hound @reddirtgirlhound.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Just know the secret handshake and bear will let you go 080
Brian Morans @whpshw.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Hey, I got more than one friend, so keep 'em coming, NPS! 000
Mike Wiser @drmikewiser.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Do they have sufficient monitoring to know whether the person is actually not a friend, but more of an acquaintance? 150
MisterStampy @misterstampy.bsky.social · 23/05/2026"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, NATIONAL PARKS SERVICE!!!" 0111
Dr. Acula, M. D. @draculamd.bsky.social · 23/05/2026Slower friends are crucial to a bear’s dietary needs though. 070
Kait Richardson 🥔 @thryse.com · 24/05/2026what if it’s not a friend? what if you push some maga nazi down? 220
Silver the Raccoon @silver-racc.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Don't push the slower friend down, push the faster friend down. You can outrun the slower friend conventionally, it's the faster friend you need to give yourself an advantage over. 020
Green Plastic Watering Can @fakeplastictrees.bsky.social · 23/05/2026Bears can smell cowardice and will just chase the pusher 170
Beth Gammie @bethgammie.bsky.social · 24/05/2026I’ve often joked to friends that I don’t have to out run the bear, I just have to out run *you* 000
Maxx @maxxbmd.bsky.social · 23/05/2026As a bear myself, I can confirm. NPS has sent me in on second bear duty a couple times; it was really fun! 1340
Joel Bernstein @castirony.bsky.social · 23/05/2026My neighbor told me bears keep eating his friends so I asked how many friends he has and he said he just goes to the bar and meets a new friend afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding random guys to bears and then his daughter started crying. 114211
Mr. Smartypantz @mrsmartypantz.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Duh. That’s why I only go hiking with small children and the elderly. 000
Lissa480 @lisstless.bsky.social · 23/05/2026I'm 0-2 on successfully drinking coffee while scrolling 🤣 The fact that people need to be told this reaffirms that we're doomed. 080
Mistress Matisse @mistressmatisse.bsky.social · 24/05/2026I blame AI for this having to be explicitly stated 040
Hammerbarn Appreciator @alaskanoutside.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Most bear attacks are actually humans unwittingly surprising a bear and the bear then acting in instinctual defense. Letting your faster friend take the lead on that blind curve or blaze trail through the berry patch is the real survival technique. 030
Reverend Moonshine @reverend-moonshine.bsky.social · 24/05/2026With my luck, I'd push you down and the bear would keep coming after me. If I'm the slower of us, I will accept my fate. 020
David Henningham 郭大衛 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ 💖💛💙 @henninghampress.bsky.social · 24/05/2026From what I've seen, most times people are hurrying through a beautiful landscape with someone who is slower than them, they're some kind of assassin or bounty hunter. If you get evidence on your phone of the kill, I'm sure they'll let the bear do your heavy lifting and still pay out 010
Katharine Khamhaengwong @katharinegk.bsky.social · 23/05/2026obviously only necessary to push a faster friend down 23109
rstanley41.bsky.social @rstanley41.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Look, if they're slower, you don't have to 000
Bridgit Honda @mathildamoo.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Oooh, eaten by a bear Pushed you down, accidentally I swear Eaten by a bear 🐻 000
Spancialosaphus Lacrimosae @seaewenext2sday.bsky.social · 24/05/2026It’ll take NPS a few weeks to send it though & probably to the wrong place too. 100
terrylong.bsky.social @terrylong.bsky.social · 24/05/2026What about MAGAts? Can we push them in front of the bear? 000
Shannon Kelly Donahue @shannonkellydonahue.com · 24/05/2026One of the unexpected annoyances of working in bear safety and conservation is having to listen to dudes make that joke to you as if it’s both clever and something you don’t hear other annoying dudes say at you every day. 1280
Miss AbOoOoOpriated @distantduck.bsky.social · 24/05/2026On behalf of all slower-moving friends, this is great news. Equal opportunity mauling! Or, I guess a cuddly but violent friend to accompany you in your final, blood-soaked and terrifying minutes on earth. Which would still be better than some Tinder dates. 050
Tommy Tatertown @senorgreygoose.bsky.social · 24/05/2026My dad and I encountered a sow with two cubs while we were backpacking in the Sierras and I drew my .45. He laughed and said, "What do you think you're going to do to that bear with a pistol"? I replied, "It's not for the bear, I'm going to shoot you in the leg and run like Hell"! 110
Douglas Beach @taliesinnola.bsky.social · 24/05/2026It's illogical anyway. Why would you need to push the slower friend? It's only a faster friend you need to worry about. 030
otherguyfromwham.bsky.social @otherguyfromwham.bsky.social · 23/05/2026If your friend is slower the there is no need to push him down. 1351
Erik Champion @erikmc.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Excellent! Free delivery to Australia? How many bears am I allowed to keep in my garden? I don't have rivers with salmon but I do have fruit trees and amateur bees. 150
Will Baker @wbaker14.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Just remember you don’t have to be faster than the bear. You just have to be faster than your friend! 010
tomo @tomotimo.bsky.social · 23/05/2026when I first read this sentence, I thought it said NPR and I'm thinking "I know I haven't donated in a while to my local station, but why would NPR do this?" 2580
lule777.bsky.social @lule777.bsky.social · 24/05/2026I met a bear once. I'll tell you one thing, I didn't dawdle. 010
Certified Pre-Owned Lib @ericwais.bsky.social · 24/05/2026I know they have to say this but it would be so funny if they just said the opposite with a 🤷♂️ 000
Mikey Hates It 𓅃 @mikeyalexander.bsky.social · 24/05/2026When I was a zookeeper, citizens would ask me a similar question about my pygmy hippos. I was honest, even though I phrased it in a humorous way, that I would be long gone before they (the public) even noticed the hippo was out. No need to trip my coworkers at all. 000
Pineapple on Pizza 🇷🇪🇫🇷🇪🇺🇺🇳 @pineapplesonpizza.bsky.social · 24/05/2026ok, reset, if you don't try to sacrifice, hinder or harm your friend... In France, if you don't help your friend if he's in danger, while you can help him without major risk to yourself, then you must help him. Article 223.6 of French penal code :) 110
