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screen loser

@thanks-pal.bsky.social
316 followers 458 following 21 posts

you'll never guess

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Shivam Bhatt @shivambhatt.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
A tweet that says "a dem takes office it takes them 4 years to pass the We Love You bill, which grants a 1 time $1200 loan to black small business owners. Every time a republican is in office day 1 they pass the all encompassing Nasty Mothafucka Act that kills every living thing on gods green earth"
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 11/01/2025
Come to Meat Town for all your fruit and gevegtable needs
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Nicolas Dream, PhD @afraidofwasps.bsky.social · 08/01/2025
White guy at Chipotle: Umm.. there's a leaf in my food. Me (sprinting across the restaurant to own him): Oh you sweet summer child. This is called, "Seasoning" - Might not exist in your culture, but you're supposed to eat it! (grimacing as I swallow his bay leaf whole) Methinks this one was Indian
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onion person @junlper.beer · 05/01/2025
The Menu (2022) is a film about if burger saved the day
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 03/01/2025
Just spent hours diluting my resume for a homeopathic pharmacist job. No, I obviously did not let the FDA proofread it.
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burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 02/01/2025
did you know humans only use 10% of their Microsoft Office software?
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autumn coded @hoovybaby.bsky.social · 02/01/2025
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
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ceej @ceej.online · 27/12/2024
pointing out on the EKG exactly when I thought about a banh mi
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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
who was supposed to be watching the chicago bean
i’ll believe in aliens when beans fly
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
Don't bite off more than the hand can feed you
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constantly changing @constantlychanging.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
Hot fresh vomit, straight from the cat!
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more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
rfk jr has announced the FDA will be mandating "stanky eggs"
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Govt contractor tech security companies love to name their 3rd party software loaded to the gills with vulnerabilities something like “SafetyBreach” or “SecretsOut” just before they sell it to the government, while trying to stifle a giggle
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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Impossible to find a better word than hyperbole
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⧉ @smilingnodding.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
every new restaurant in every major city is either called Thistle+Thorn and thinks adding turmeric to brussel sprouts makes them worth $30 or is called Burger Bitch and has a neon sign in the window that says “im gonna fuck a hamburger”
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wint @dril.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
Carter has passed. An accomplished man. A brilliant legacy. Although for many of us he died years ago when he refused to condemn, gamer gate
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
i dont care about The Presence underneath my christmas tree
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Stupid McDummy @kilojuless.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
you snooze some, you lose some
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
snoop prague Dr. Dresden E(astern Europe)minem
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 29/12/2024
I think I’ll keep my old year since i barely used it, be kind of a waste to get a new one
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lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Mushroom spore landing in my lungs: I eat? My immune system: no not right now he’s still alive Mushroom spore: ok i wait
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little lamb @puddleofbrain.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Uhhh the TikTok dance that caused the Holy Roman Empire to collapse is trending in America rn
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Ken Jennings @kenjennings.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Just found out the copilot on this flight is named Brayden. Braydens shouldn’t be flying planes, they should be playing Club Penguin.
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more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
my new years resolution is to seek out and destroy the mysterious source of the mayor's terrible powers
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cakemittens @cakemittens.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Imploringly Said "Come on, Sweetie" to the Spider on the Shower Ceiling Without Giving Him a Clear Action Item
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little lamb @puddleofbrain.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Coexist bumper sticker with every letter scratched out except the t
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Ed Zitron @edzitron.com · 28/12/2024
Yeah I need way more money than anyone ever got before. I need it because my shit is difficult right now. But it's important in ways even I haven't been able to work out. OpenAI is a serious business. Help me. Please help me please my serious company is so good. Help me www.cnbc.com/2024/12/27/o...
OpenAl says it needs 'more capital than we'd
imagined' as it lays out for-profit plan
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terror @weedlejuice.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Asking my new boss if there’s ample room for me to run around and get a bit of energy out before they introduce me to the others
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'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
[reading a manuscript created by a million monkeys on a million typewriters over a million years] There's a typo
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JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
so I tried that “just don’t sleep” method for making my 6 am flight and folks you’re not going to believe this but I’m physically seeing the horse that’s destined to kill me in 14 years
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cait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
this is part of why all the pearl clutching shit about how "americans can't just execute people" re: Luigi fell so fucking flat. um the cops execute people every single day and brutalize other people further for noticing they did that
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A.R. Moxon @juliusgoat.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
Crushed to have lost the approval of King Dirty.
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
When I said I would do anything for my family and my country I only meant stuff I already like doing, like shooting guns for instance. If I have to do something annoying like conserve resources then obviously I'm not willing to do that
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the Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
this is a very good piece.
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molly conger @socialistdogmom.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
i’m desperate to know the thought process that went into the gadsden flag at half mast we just passed on the highway. is the snake ok. did someone tread on him?
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
looking for a way to find out how much time has been elapsing lately
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screen loser @thanks-pal.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
tourism campaign where every street becomes a one way street leading into a giant ditch
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more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
i always knew there was something off about milkshake duck.. guess i'm just better at seeing through the bull shit
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ceej @ceej.online · 26/12/2024
All these arguments over criticism and art could be easily solved by implementing a strict ruleset and transparent scoring system
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
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furby hancock @furbyhancock.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
i've been getting away from processed stuff like arsenic tablets and opting for poisonous mushrooms instead
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miomancer @miomancer.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
“i’m learning blender” that’s great! i’ve been practicing microwave for a while and i think i’ve gotten pretty good at it. might tackle toaster next
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kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
bill nye’s full name is william new years eve
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Fungocrat @fungocrat.bsky.social · 24/12/2024
Powerful Jungian fact: keeping a baby away from all screens for two years will not prevent them from developing a very clear conception of who Elmo is.
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wint @dril.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
every one i know with magic powers is saying something really good or really bad is going to happen within the next 500 years
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