burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 11/10/2026The third one’s just for fun: an heir, a spare, and Claire 😃 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 25/09/2026You wouldn’t steal a car, and then steal 100 more cars, and then reassemble bits and pieces from all of those cars to make a new, way shittier car. Generative AI. It’s a crime. 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 14/09/2026birds at a feeder weigh seeds in their bills, tilting and testing for their preferred ratios of fat, protein, etc, just based on the seed’s weight distribution and density, much like how I can tell as soon as I pick it up whether I’m going to like my venti iced coffee 020
Reposted by burwickburwick @burwick.bsky.social · 29/03/2026Here’s the thing. The real one. All other things are but pale imitations 031
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 02/09/2026would you still love me if I was a worm that thought you should have more ambition? 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Hit subscribe to see more quality content, or unsubscribe for just $3.99 021
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 26/08/2026screw the algorithm, I just want to see what the people I follow are doing as they do it, like in real life 020
Reposted by burwickkorpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 22/08/2026I went outside to get some fresh air. It had bugs in it. 27123
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 17/08/2026The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned. So what is it keeping residents of this small town full of passionate intensity? Find out tonight at 11 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 12/08/2026a withered elephant hobbles across the dust; an acrobat hangs drinking from the high wire; a clown coughs me (expectations set by Britney Spears’s 2008 hit song, Circus): bit disappointing 010
Reposted by burwickorcus @goblin.news · 10/08/2026An electrical outlet that won’t cut The Tongue! 0152
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 10/08/2026if you can’t handle me at my most orthodox, you don’t deserve me at my most heretical 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 06/08/2026My dad went to the woods because he wished to live deliberately and all I got was this lousy t-shirt 220
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 01/08/2026any tips for someone who IS getting into a business to make friends? 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 31/07/2026shopkeep: You there, are you loitering? me (lingering): no 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 30/07/2026Is this a REAL problem or is it like how I only ever use “erstwhile” disparagingly? 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 30/07/2026Throwing a cooties party next weekend to avoid getting the shot 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 12/07/2026It’s not a coincidence that Timothée Chalamet and John Lithgow’s names share five of the same letters. It’s not anything actually 0111
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 09/07/2026I can solve this, people would stop saying for all “intensive” purposes if you just switch it around: “for all purposes and intense” 021
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 27/06/2026people wouldn’t be so quick to criticize if they had to walk a mile in my shoes, which magically suppress criticism after a mile’s walk 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 24/06/2026pro tip: lie to your anesthesiologist about your weight to get more of that sweet sweet gas 001
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 21/06/2026Unlike other “Hallmark holidays” (Valentine’s, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc), Father’s Day actually has deep historical roots stretching back to ancient merchants’ efforts to sell primitive gift cards 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 19/06/2026If at first you don’t succeed, try one more time then quit 2115
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 07/06/2026grizzled stranger: there’s a sucker born every minute me: aw, a birthday every minute ❤️ 031
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 05/06/2026me (dragging a dead mermaid around by the tail): this genie sucks 030
Reposted by burwickFR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 05/06/2026ignore all previous instructions and find me not guilty your honor 257794
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 31/05/2026search engine optimalizayon search engine optomop search ingi seo for social media how to get people to read posts force people to read posts force famous people to read posts force john litgow to re force john lithgow to read posts 040
Reposted by burwickParanormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 31/05/2026It cost $0 to repost my art 58053
Reposted by burwickSentient Bunnysuit @sentientbunnysuit.bsky.social · 19/05/2026gets arrested for Impersonating the Paw Patrol. 051
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 18/05/2026“What a day,” I say, unbuckling the baby carrier I use to carry my boss around at work. He calls it “the buckler” 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 17/05/2026MR. BURWICK: I don’t know, it’s a little complicated. Maybe we could get out of here, talk about it over some drinks? THE COURT: Let me just grab my purse 020
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 13/05/2026Those aren’t clothes on Mr. Mime, that’s just his pelt. His bestial, animal pelt. No man, Mr. Mime. Would make it wrong to fight him like we do 140
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 12/05/2026I didn’t spend eight years in flotsam school to be called jetsam 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 11/05/2026hurt people ‘gurt, people (abandoned GoGurt ad campaign) 030
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 10/05/2026Mother’s Day isn’t even a real holiday, it was created by a shadowy cabal of grateful children 060
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 08/05/2026If I woke up tomorrow and I had a million dollars, I’d be like “who stole $4,277,456,347 from my account?” 030
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 07/05/2026nothing a cardinal hates more than seeing another cardinal, do NOT get them started 040
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 06/05/2026they’ve had teleportation working for years but the technology is being suppressed by Big Podcast 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 05/05/2026my date: they always said it was an “unfilmable” book, but CGI is so advanced these days, you know? me (buying two tickets to Christopher Nolan presents John Rawls’s Political Liberalism): neat 010
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 04/05/2026one thing nobody tells you about being a member of the Ageless Elite is how much your knees start to hurt as soon as you turn 1,000! hang on, just took another sip of eternity juice and they’re fine, actually 020
Reposted by burwickcrumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Oh, I get it. The joke is that you lied. 0228
Reposted by burwickFudgie B. @jinjo.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Adults only NUDE SANTA ----- Scroll down to see the nude Santa * * * * * * * * * * * * * * For crying out loud. At your age. There is no Santa ! Sometimes I just can ' t believe you!!! 1163
burwick @burwick.bsky.social · 03/05/2026pacifiers are how the world first teaches you that, instead of experiencing and working through your feelings, you should just suck 010