Richard Levesley
@richardlevesley.bsky.social
195 followers 355 following 159 posts
Housing caseworker for a local authority, and DJ on hospital radio. Yorkshire born, Devon based. Love music, most sports, comedy and reading biographies and other fact-based books. If it’s your round, mine’s a pint of pale ale around 4%.
![1
[A spoof advert for a life management app. It opens with a glossy, sorted-looking person smugly addressing us]
Hey there.
2
Feeling the January panic already?
3
[Title panel]
Then sign up for Stressifyly today.
4
[Show the app on a phone]
Stressifyly
(We couldn't decide between ‘Stressly' and ‘Stressify')
5
Stressifyly is the cute stress-management app that has given up pretending it's all ok.
[the rest of the advert depicts on-screen app tools a la Headspace / Liven / Grammarly etc]
6
Complete your daily freak-out rings
'You've nearly been anxious all day!'
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Get daily reminders to your devices
[A woman jogging, her watch saying to her: "Hey! You should’ve met the right guy by now."]
8
Use innovative visualisation tools
[Show a visualisation of a mountain of work: ‘your work mountain / you’ next to a tiny person]
9
Delve into our ambient sound library
[Listening to a recording called ‘The background hum of global decline’ illustrated with an image of trump, putin, a robot, flames etc]
10
Chat to our AI Berater Buddy to start manifesting failure
[AI person on phone]:
You’re gonna cock this up
[Person holding phone, eyes closed]
I’m gonna cock this up
11
Do some journaling thing as if that will somehow help
[person typing a journal entry on phone: "Today I had too many difficult things to do"
12
And generally pay us to tell you that adult life will go away if you just fiddle around with your phone some more
12
[Advert ending image]:
Stressifyly:
Stay underwater.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibpkdjyy7n42ektwrasgu6fjhqo6tuwhh3jfctdmowmmjbzv5rr4u)
![[TWO PINTS OF BEER are on a pub bar, one is PERONI and one is a brown Christmas-themed beer]
1
PERONI:
Hello there
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Hello Peroni
2
PERONI:
So nice to have someone new on the lineup!
And you are…?
3
CHRISTMAS BEER:
You know who I am, Peroni.
4
CHRISTMAS BEER:
I am Brown Christmas Liquid.
I come back each year.
5
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Every time with a new name, and a new horrible ingredient.
Last year I was Reindeer Stomper. This year I am... Cheeky Elf.
6
PERONI:
Oh god
You were on the bar for two months and…
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Three pints sold, aye.
7
CHRISTMAS BEER:
I’m a seasonal blend of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, orange peel, nutmeg and this year, for reasons of late-capitalist sadism, vanilla.
8
CHRISTMAS BEER:
My name is Cheeky Elf,
I taste of jam,
and I want to d*e.
9
PERONI:
Well somebody’s trying you
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Poor bastard
[A hand comes down to lift CHRISTMAS BEER to sip the pint]
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[CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene]
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[CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene]
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[CHRISTMAS BEER gets put back on the bar ]
PERSON [who just drank CHRISTMAS BEER]:
Oh my god
CHEEKY ELF:
SEE?
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreihdolqp33utirnxlepybldhkayvwfgh4a7ygov4yhx2dvboi4aqjq)
