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human aaron

@humanaaron.bsky.social
731 followers 249 following 225 posts

died penniless and insane

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Reposted by human aaron
Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god ME: you too
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Hawaiian music never really recovered after they stopped making quaaludes
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
hey look, i’m really sorry bill from accounting died but i don’t think it’s unfair of me to ask for the $4 i put in his get well card back
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I don’t know how many ducks were harmed in the making of this sauce but I thank them for their service
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
"Who is the target audience of your posts" formerly gifted-kid 41-year-olds with internet-induced brain damage
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
baby grand pianos imply the existence of sex organs
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Jon Drake @jondrake.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Inside of me are two wolves. I am a zoo in a medium sized city
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
it’s not just his head it’s his whole body his name should just be mr potato
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
I brought a gun to the gun fight on account of being a stickler for the rules.
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
going back in time to all the days when i forgot to take my vitamins so i can make sure i take my vitamins
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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
the whole natalie harp thing is unsetting but she also seems unhinged enough to “if i can’t have you, no one can” her way into the history books
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
"We must protect women from the trans community," argues chairman of the national association of domestic abusers and sex pests
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
As a Texas resident I am as affected by the THC ban as anybody but some of that shit that got banned was synthetic goofy as fuck and would turned you into a fax machine just beeping and booping and leaking toner everywhere
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Cheese jerky
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
it kinda makes the sins ok knowing all them pornos end up with the lady making a precious baby for the lord
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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Your brain is a nervous cauliflower hiding out in a warm meat cave
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cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
here’s an idea, send ICE
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cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Things were going great when the prairie dog who makes my arms work fell right out of my hat and I thought everyone would be mad but we just laughed and laughed because he was so cute. Anyways we did everything we could for your husband but I’m afraid it’s a no go *I do a cute prairie dog shrug*
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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
ME: *closes menu* WAITER: did you just call them brussell sports
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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
i love when experts tell me not to eat lettuce. like yes sir, i will fight this war until the bitter end 🫡
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 11/07/2026
DID YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND A HORSESHOE CRAB THATS BEEN TAGGED BY THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE AND SUBMIT THE LOCATION YOU SAW IT USING THE FORM ON FWS DOT GOV SLASH CRABTAG THEY SEND YOU A BEAUTIFUL CRAB PIN
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Probably some good chants at the Sodom FC vs Gomorrah FC games
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
A burglar checking the hollowed out space in my Bible and finding a smaller Bible
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
concerned friend Audiophile 🤝 “I came as soon as I heard”
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
The Leftist Militia is proud to announce the upcoming release of The Handbook for Righteous Violence! Union members get 50% off- Pre-order your copy now
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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
A sneeze is the body’s way of saying, “We’ve been out of the spotlight long enough.”
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Jess Piper @piperformissouri.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Listen, if you don’t know the difference between Democratic socialism and communism, I’m not engaging with you. Crack a book.
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Everything’s coming up Carl
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Jon Drake @jondrake.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
These fireworks are not celebratory. I’m shooting them at God
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
It might be a little too late but I’m going to try to start a rumor that Squints from Sandlot grew up to be Steve-o
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captain bleach @blainecapatch.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
the cat's been in the litter box for an hour just scrolling on his phone
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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Is it “duck tape” or “duct tape?” Either way, I am locked in the trunk of this car.
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Rob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
With all due respect to apples, they really didn't move the needle for me until they were crossbred with the pine.
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darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
airbud and wishbone
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aric @aghastronaut.com · 01/07/2026
[confused older Borat] My wife?
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Jon Drake @jondrake.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
“Comparison is the thief of joy” that’s a pretty good saying. But I’ve heard better
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
“You can just put that on my Always Dirty Counter” *smile, turn to camera and hold* vo:from the makers of Junk Drawer
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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
Don’t worry about the big picture. Worry about smaller pictures. Thousands of tiny menacing pictures
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Jeffistall @jeffistallguy.bsky.social · 09/05/2026
More pigs should have cowboy hats. Not to eat. Stop eating it.
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Y’ever have chips so good they come with warning
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Blast Zone: Movies That Bombed @blastzonepod.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
I like to think that somewhere deep in the backrooms is a Chili’s Bar and Grill
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fredesque @fredtaming.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
complimentary breakfast implies derogatory breakfast
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human aaron @humanaaron.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
tooth fairy: “fuck that guy. he goes out one night a year but me? I am out there every. single. Night. He could never do what i do. He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?”
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Rob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
*ordering at Arby's* One "the meats," please.
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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
don’t forget to leave out an empty cup you were planning on reusing for mother tonight
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cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Why couldn’t you have told me I’m the River Spirit Kohaku before I bought all these spatulas.
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crumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
Worldwide breathing, local organs.
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