The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 26/09/2026grocery stores could give ND people a big break by putting a sign in the front door, like, “hey, aisle 14 changed, don’t spend 4 minutes staring at yogurt that’s supposed to be juice” 010 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 31/08/2026[being murdered while on a vacation] this murder costs twice as much as when i get murdered at home this is ridiculous 513320 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 01/09/2026how have neurodivergent people not evolved to have four arms yet, do you know how many fucking things I could do if I had two sets of arms and hands??? 000 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaBigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 21/01/2025Understand this I do not live in your world I never did I never will They make boxes there #brokenpoet 210940 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaᴍɪᴋᴀʏᴇʟ ᴍʏᴇʀs @chaclo.blacksky.app · 27/08/2026You couldn’t get out of your own way and look where it got you. 042 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 27/08/2026unintentionally scared the life out of the poor Mormon boys who came to my door tonight and I’m definitely going to hell, but I cannot…stop…laughing about it 020 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 16/08/2026on behalf of all Gen-X women, I would like to send a giant fuck you to all the drug manufacturers for this estrogen patch shortage 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 28/07/2026I just had the strangest experience. I walked into a coffee shop that is (unbeknownst to me) Russian-owned. Everyone looked like me. I’ve never seen so many blonde-haired, blue-eyed people In one place EVER. It didn’t feel real. 😂 021 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 03/07/2026I keep a pair of jorts in a pocket of my cargo pants just in case I'm ever invited anywhere fancy. 319464 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 06/06/2026my son just told me my hatred of Tesla drivers should be studied 010 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 04/06/2026every time I want to go to settings I go to the clock, and every time I want to go to the clock I go to settings 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 02/06/2026Fun fact: today I learned that doctors use the fat globules in your boobs as a roadmap, so getting a mammogram done after losing weight is harder for them. 011 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 27/05/2026[pitching the smurfs] “they’re tiny and blue and there’s only one female. and for some reason this crazy bald guy fuckin hates em” -i don’t know. it’s missing something “they wear diapers on their heads” -well now you’re talking 27018 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaturbo jerry @turbojerry.bsky.social · 28/05/2026saying “this edible ain’t doing shit” five minutes before forgetting how to speak english 211226 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaFR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 26/05/2026sushi was invented when a guy accidentally got his fish wet so he put it in some rice 1744892 0
Reposted by The Real Melissachris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 13/05/2026WHAT'S FUN IS THAT I AM SO SWEATY YOUR DISGUSTED LOOKS SLIDE RIGHT OFF OF ME. 010244 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSpoopily Jay @secretjay.bsky.social · 05/05/2026Start your day off on a high note* *in a fetal position on top of your car 0159 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaNick Ulivieri @nuphoto.com · 05/05/2026Tried to catch the rainbow and lightning photobombed my iPhone shot. #WXsky #ILwx 17984531230 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/05/2026I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, with his underwear on the outside of his pants 1011117 0
Reposted by The Real Melissachris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 04/05/2026I don't actually have tickets to this thing, I am just standing outside in my oversized meat poncho. 1142 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaTaco Bell Quarterly @tacobellquarterly.org · 04/05/2026New writing hack: stop looking at your phone 28689130 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSwim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 04/05/2026C’mon in your mother has been drinking cbd oil out of a tumbler now sit down for dinner we’re having hamster 2309 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 04/05/2026If I were Stephen King, I simply would not allow Tucker Carlson to own a cabin in Maine. 1111413 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaJake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 04/05/2026"Hello, I am a stranger on Bluesky who does not like or repost anything you write. Here, let me 'correct' your clearly whimsical post to show just how big my brain is. I win!" 110814 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 03/05/2026I don’t think there has been a single time in the past 22 years that I have eaten salsa without singing “my salsa, salsa, salsa” first 020 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaGarfield and Friends Screens @garfieldscreens.bsky.social · 03/05/2026 05410 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 02/05/2026Thursday I went to the gym and there was a giant table of pizza and a dj set up on the stairs playing terrible music. Today, there’s…a bridal show? Definitely time to switch gyms 😂 141 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 26/04/2026this marks the official start of summer for me ❤️ 020 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaHolden Cheesehead 💚💛🧀🏈 @holdencheesehead.bsky.social · 05/04/2026"He is not here; he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay." #HappyEaster #PeeWeeHerman 031 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 04/04/202621yo: if you were a dinosaur, you’d be a cry-ceritops 18yo: not true, because I’m a FLY-ceritops *bounces off yoga ball and exits room* my kids are fucking rad 😂 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 31/03/2026So my 21YO is studying herbal science, and her next step is getting into researching cannabis for chronic pain conditions, and this is what she got to do today… 010 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/03/2026I’m gonna start wearing a bandana. I’m going to be a bandana guy. Maybe wear short shorts and a gray sweatshirt like it’s 1988. They’ll say hey, it’s bandana guy and I’ll say hey. 2025769 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 26/03/2026if you’re friends with someone who wears an ascot, you can’t be mad when you get invited to his dogs birthday party 513931 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 21/03/2026it took me a really long time to pick clothes for today for someone who basically rotates through 3 pairs of sweatpants on the weekends 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 13/03/2026this song came on infinite play on my way home from work, and I feel like everyone should collectively stop what they’re doing for 3 minutes and 9 seconds and just dance to too short youtu.be/CBJtzEKetBM?...youtu.beTOO SHORT - Blow The Whistle (Official HD Video)YouTube video by TooShortVEVO 011 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 05/03/2026*on antiques roadshow* I’m sorry…what? 50715138 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 12/03/2026I hate the question “did you think about me today” bro I thought about 74 gazillion things today and that was just to survive and do my job and remember to eat 000 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaIan Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 08/03/2026Just shoved a clock up my ass. I don’t do daylight savings. Not this year. Fuck you 2296 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 08/03/2026my sister’s college roommate was Ron Jeremy’s niece, and I will never not be entertained by this 010 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 08/03/2026there’s a group of young men (late teens?) who are always at the gym on Saturday mornings, just there doing all kinds of crazy handstands and tricks on the bars it makes me happy to see them just enjoying themselves and encouraging each other 010 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 07/03/2026I blasted this album from 7:30-9:30am, and whenever someone walked through my door I stood up and danced, just to see who would dance with me ALMOST EVERYONE did 😂❤️ I think I got two eye rolls 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 07/03/2026the real question is why did this make me laugh as hard as it did 010 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaJust Call Me Amanda🐈⬛🐈⬛ @amandabf.bsky.social · 05/03/2026I could be sitting alone in an empty room doing absolutely nothing, but if I happen to have on a white shirt that bitch is going to have a stain on it within minutes. 64710 0