The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 26/09/2026grocery stores could give ND people a big break by putting a sign in the front door, like, “hey, aisle 14 changed, don’t spend 4 minutes staring at yogurt that’s supposed to be juice” 010 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 01/09/2026don’t ever watch anything in the Power series because I am constantly yelling “oh, come on, Fifty” about things like this 😂 030 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 01/09/2026definitely nobody is ever capable of having the same thought as another person on this planet ever 020 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 31/08/2026[being murdered while on a vacation] this murder costs twice as much as when i get murdered at home this is ridiculous 513320 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 01/09/2026how have neurodivergent people not evolved to have four arms yet, do you know how many fucking things I could do if I had two sets of arms and hands??? 000 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaBigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 21/01/2025Understand this I do not live in your world I never did I never will They make boxes there #brokenpoet 210940 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaᴍɪᴋᴀʏᴇʟ ᴍʏᴇʀs @chaclo.blacksky.app · 27/08/2026You couldn’t get out of your own way and look where it got you. 042 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 27/08/2026unintentionally scared the life out of the poor Mormon boys who came to my door tonight and I’m definitely going to hell, but I cannot…stop…laughing about it 020 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 16/08/2026on behalf of all Gen-X women, I would like to send a giant fuck you to all the drug manufacturers for this estrogen patch shortage 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 28/07/2026I just had the strangest experience. I walked into a coffee shop that is (unbeknownst to me) Russian-owned. Everyone looked like me. I’ve never seen so many blonde-haired, blue-eyed people In one place EVER. It didn’t feel real. 😂 021 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 03/07/2026I keep a pair of jorts in a pocket of my cargo pants just in case I'm ever invited anywhere fancy. 319464 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 06/06/2026my son just told me my hatred of Tesla drivers should be studied 010 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 04/06/2026every time I want to go to settings I go to the clock, and every time I want to go to the clock I go to settings 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 02/06/2026Fun fact: today I learned that doctors use the fat globules in your boobs as a roadmap, so getting a mammogram done after losing weight is harder for them. 011 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 27/05/2026[pitching the smurfs] “they’re tiny and blue and there’s only one female. and for some reason this crazy bald guy fuckin hates em” -i don’t know. it’s missing something “they wear diapers on their heads” -well now you’re talking 27018 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaturbo jerry @turbojerry.bsky.social · 28/05/2026saying “this edible ain’t doing shit” five minutes before forgetting how to speak english 211226 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaFR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 26/05/2026sushi was invented when a guy accidentally got his fish wet so he put it in some rice 1744892 0
Reposted by The Real Melissachris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 13/05/2026WHAT'S FUN IS THAT I AM SO SWEATY YOUR DISGUSTED LOOKS SLIDE RIGHT OFF OF ME. 010244 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 13/05/2026I still have my VHS copy. I think I bought it around ‘94, used, in a video store. I watch it…probably 3 times a year. It will forever be in my top 5. 000 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSpoopily Jay @secretjay.bsky.social · 05/05/2026Start your day off on a high note* *in a fetal position on top of your car 0159 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaNick Ulivieri @nuphoto.com · 05/05/2026Tried to catch the rainbow and lightning photobombed my iPhone shot. #WXsky #ILwx 17984531230 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/05/2026I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, with his underwear on the outside of his pants 1011117 0
Reposted by The Real Melissachris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 04/05/2026I don't actually have tickets to this thing, I am just standing outside in my oversized meat poncho. 1142 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaTaco Bell Quarterly @tacobellquarterly.org · 04/05/2026New writing hack: stop looking at your phone 28689130 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSwim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 04/05/2026C’mon in your mother has been drinking cbd oil out of a tumbler now sit down for dinner we’re having hamster 2309 0
Reposted by The Real Melissaweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 04/05/2026If I were Stephen King, I simply would not allow Tucker Carlson to own a cabin in Maine. 1111413 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaJake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 04/05/2026"Hello, I am a stranger on Bluesky who does not like or repost anything you write. Here, let me 'correct' your clearly whimsical post to show just how big my brain is. I win!" 110814 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 03/05/2026I don’t think there has been a single time in the past 22 years that I have eaten salsa without singing “my salsa, salsa, salsa” first 020 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 03/05/2026100%, and a brand new one is opening this month within walking distance of my house…for half the price of LA Fitness 020 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaGarfield and Friends Screens @garfieldscreens.bsky.social · 03/05/2026 05410 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 02/05/2026Thursday I went to the gym and there was a giant table of pizza and a dj set up on the stairs playing terrible music. Today, there’s…a bridal show? Definitely time to switch gyms 😂 141 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 26/04/2026this marks the official start of summer for me ❤️ 020 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 16/04/2026Having to write out every-other calculus problem by hand because “graphing calculators can’t do everything for you” and those bitches would be a whole page front and back 110 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 11/04/2026I guess I don’t see it that way when it’s something that fluctuates and is never guaranteed. It’s a cash dividend from a fund that someone was smart enough to set up back in the day. I can also see how it falls under that definition. It is proposed more as a COLA for residents. 110 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 11/04/2026It definitely makes a difference, but I also saw it as kind of a placation strategy. “Well, we’re not getting NOTHING from big oil being here.” I mean, if big oil left Alaska it would be devastating b/c it’s such a huge part of the workforce there, but it’s also just as evil 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 11/04/2026The Permanent Fund Dividend is not UBI. I lived in Alaska for 32 years, and the biggest PFD check I got was $2000. Which is not nothing, but that’s what each resident gets for a whole year. Not even close to UBI, especially for the cost of living there. 220 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaHolden Cheesehead 💚💛🧀🏈 @holdencheesehead.bsky.social · 05/04/2026"He is not here; he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay." #HappyEaster #PeeWeeHerman 031 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 04/04/202621yo: if you were a dinosaur, you’d be a cry-ceritops 18yo: not true, because I’m a FLY-ceritops *bounces off yoga ball and exits room* my kids are fucking rad 😂 000 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 31/03/2026So my 21YO is studying herbal science, and her next step is getting into researching cannabis for chronic pain conditions, and this is what she got to do today… 010 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/03/2026I’m gonna start wearing a bandana. I’m going to be a bandana guy. Maybe wear short shorts and a gray sweatshirt like it’s 1988. They’ll say hey, it’s bandana guy and I’ll say hey. 2025769 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 26/03/2026picked this up at an airport and didn’t put it down until I finished it 110 0
Reposted by The Real MelissaSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 26/03/2026if you’re friends with someone who wears an ascot, you can’t be mad when you get invited to his dogs birthday party 513931 0
The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 21/03/2026it took me a really long time to pick clothes for today for someone who basically rotates through 3 pairs of sweatpants on the weekends 000 0