MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 24/06/2025The cat doesn’t like the charcuterie jazz playlist. 000
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 21/06/2025There’s too many hours between breakfast and lunch. 010
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 20/06/2025If I ever say, “Well you know what they say” I’m about to quote They Might Be Giants again. 000
Reposted by MetryMikeKelly__le @kellyle.bsky.social · 14/06/2025Driving alone in your car and blaring Nirvana is therapy. 💙 3482
Reposted by MetryMikeJake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 11/06/2025ME: Nothing could tear us apart! HER: Let's watch my favorite show, "The Big Bang Theory." ME: Listen, we should see other people. 513920
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 04/06/2025Someone on the street just said to me, “You look nice” I replied, “I’m not” 020
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 21/05/2025I was secretly hoping for a dermatologist with better looking skin than mine. 010
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 21/05/2025People used to think I was crazy. They still do but they used to too. 000
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 20/05/2025If you can’t laugh at yourself, maybe you aren’t funny. 000
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Dear uber drivers that don’t say a damned word for the entire ride, Thanks! 010
Reposted by MetryMikeFR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 03/05/2025TIME TRAVELER: can you tell me what month it is ME: may TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is 239277
Reposted by MetryMike Lisa @mslisam.bsky.social · 12/03/2025Thanks for the invite to your wine and cheese social, but I prefer to stay home where there's more wine and less social. 210433
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 28/02/2025An intervention and rehab are a fine way to end a midlife crisis. 031
Reposted by MetryMikePaused Mortem 💀 @pausedmortem.bsky.social · 24/02/2025Whatever you do. Wherever you are. Always remember, nothing matters. 1209
Reposted by MetryMikeCrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 05/02/2025OK. That's not how I thought they did it 29921
Reposted by MetryMikeAnnaAnkaAnia @samerealwoman.bsky.social · 18/11/2023What doesn't kill you, make you darkly sarcastic. 351250424
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Tried to hold in a sneeze and an eye ball fell out of my head. Good bye, ole lefty. 041
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 29/01/2025I’m sure you’re all just following me for my secret mashed potato recipe. 143
Reposted by MetryMikeSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 26/01/2025“why did you give that homeless guy money? He’s just gonna spend it on drugs” If he can buy drugs for $2 my fuckin hats off to him Terry 271430244
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 25/01/2025No one prepares you for the day you walk in to see a doctor and the doctor is younger than you. 000
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 19/01/2025I’m a partner in founding an art cult on the internet. Wanna join us? 000
Reposted by MetryMikeMrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 10/01/2025Was going to start my paleo diet today but Whole Foods was out of brontosaurus. 2250582
Reposted by MetryMikeIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 07/01/2025I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me? 272251331
Reposted by MetryMikeNappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 08/01/2025Please. Allow me to barely amuse you. 923965
Reposted by MetryMikeKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 07/01/2025I’m not good at advice. Can I interest you in a nervous laugh? 1032193
Reposted by MetryMikeAnastasia MacKenzie @theanastasia.bsky.social · 04/01/20252025 has been a tough year. 4225
Reposted by MetryMikeAnastasia MacKenzie @theanastasia.bsky.social · 07/01/2025I may not be a doctor, but I do write like one. 181
Reposted by MetryMikeAnastasia MacKenzie @theanastasia.bsky.social · 08/01/2025It’s funny how my brain remembers all the song lyrics to Aqua’s 1997 hit Barbie Girl but it doesn’t remember why I go on living. 0285
Reposted by MetryMikeSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 07/01/2025Genie: seriously? why didn’t you just wish for 3 ice cream cones with your first wish? 320236
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 03/01/2025Slowly unfriending 5k fb friends is a wild and fun ride. 010
Reposted by MetryMikeCorduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 02/01/2025Pronouncing Canada like Nevada 1416146
Reposted by MetryMikeBrick's House 🍁 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 02/01/2025We need Song 3 from Blur now more than ever 15363104
Reposted by MetryMikeSooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 26/12/2024It's really nice outside. Lots of people out walking their phones. 7320103
MetryMike @nolachef504.bsky.social · 25/12/2024Why do we lie to the children about Santa and the government? 010
Reposted by MetryMikeJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 22/12/2024Bears have the same energy as alcoholics. 1215237
Reposted by MetryMikeraindro g but spooky @raindro.bsky.social · 16/12/2024cool, but also keep in mind that i don’t care 36727
Reposted by MetryMikeSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 16/12/2024Therapist: what's your biggest issue with your husband? Wife: he gives me no privacy Me: [tapping on window from outside] that's not true 528056
Reposted by MetryMikeJust Call Me Amanda🐈⬛🐈⬛ @amandabf.bsky.social · 16/12/2024"Are you ok?" 227556
Reposted by MetryMikeShade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 15/12/2024Jesus, Brenda...those pants are so tight, everyone can see your mistletoe. 814758
Reposted by MetryMikeJennifer Crawford @ournewhomecoach.bsky.social · 07/12/2024I’m still sad about Anthony Bourdain. 5443431
