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Nick’s profile

@nickonhere.bsky.social
1.2K followers 1.4K following 739 posts
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
When your shadow makes you look extra tall, so you decide to walk like Reacher
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ficklenuts is tired of this shit @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
The Zillow app really needs to allow the public to comment on these house listings to give sellers a much-needed reality check
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
We’re going to have to develop an etiquette around tactfully telling someone the thing they enjoyed was actually created by AI. (If it is someone whose feelings you actually care about)
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
As someone who makes a concerted effort to not constantly be in the way, it amazes me how many people make NO effort at all.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Me: (Daughter’s name), what are you doing? Her(Entomologist Dr. Kevorkian): Helping some bugs die
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I don’t meditate, but this one time I didn’t look at my phone for ten minutes
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Trump’s teleprompter guy placing bets on Kalshi was the most predictable thing of all time. I wonder what odds Kalshi was giving for that bet.
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Brie @brielikethechhes.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
I don’t care how old I get I’m never going to be as old as old people
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lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
People at work keep trying to loop me in but I’m too quick
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Two neighborhood kids just came to the door to announce they had a 3D printing business, and asked if I needed anything printed.
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Abbott and Costello Meet MikeZilla Minus Zero (#15584) @mikeymcfilms.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Do not go gentle into that good night
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Chucky @chuckedahl.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Crazy Little Thing Called Louvre
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I don’t know what it says about me, but my reaction to seeing an add for Nutella Peanut was “Oooh, let’s give more people an allergic reaction, great thinking.”
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
The other day I forgot the important rule: If no one else can smell the dog poop, that means YOU stepped in it.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
I was thinking out loud about whether to mow the lawn, and whether there was enough time before I had to give my daughter a bath, so I said “maybe I will just mow the front”. My wife replied: “a mullet!”
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
People who wipe down exercise equipment at the gym before instead of after using them are exhibiting peak antisocial behavior
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Jay Hulme @jayhulmepoet.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
There is ONE thing I am looking forward to this heatwave: Pictures of paschal candles that have melted in churches. Here's an example from a few years ago. It's my favourite phenomenon. Because, well... Look at it.
A massive candle that's flopped completely over in its stand... It's quite phallic, if you're childish.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
You know you are type B parents when your daughter asks that for her birthday you make your bed.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
Infantino really does look like a cartoon villain.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
There was this thick plastic cup in the upstairs bathroom of my parents’ house, and nothing will ever be as refreshing as a midnight drink from the faucet in that ugly cup.
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dissected @trepanation.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
before the pitch clock every baseball game was 10 hours long and people regularly died of hot dog poisoning during games
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
So, there’s a Chick Fil A add with a spelling Bee joke about their weird spelling of “Eat Mor Chikin” and for some reason “eat” is the word they can’t figure out how to pronounce based on the spelling. Incredibly dumb.
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Spoopy Rex @katyrex.meatjacker.social · 05/06/2026
I would buy this album
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
Me: You have the face of an angle. Her: Don’t you mean angel? Me: No. You’re such acutey pie!
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
My daughter’s version goes like “eenie meenie minie moe, look for a finger, catch a toe”. Honestly I prefer it.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
Anyone else get a little thrill when you correctly predict the species before David Attenborough says it?
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
people acting like they have better things to do in the middle of the night other than read my skeets. the nerve
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
My daughter's best friend slept over, and my wife told the girls (both 4 years old) that whoever fell asleep first would get a freeze pop. Have no fear, Bluesky, I won.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 09/05/2026
When did I become the kind of person with unexplained bruises?
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Delaney King (She/Her/Whomst) @delaneyking.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Beyonce: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. Sauron: Right? That's all I have been saying all along.
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Thoughtbarf @thoughtbarf.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
No offense but why would you decide to go big if the other option is to go home
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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
Not speaking ill of the dead is so dumb. I honestly can't think of a better time to speak ill of anyone, ever.
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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
*Band starts playing* my son: oh cool. live music. we should stay. band: this next song is about Jesus my son: oh no. we should go.
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Reverie @augustreverie.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
I thought I was going to eat a chicken pot pie, but it actually seems to be full of lava and I’m in danger
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
A student walked into class with googly eyes on her eyelids. I responded with “You have double eyes: 4 eyes.” Students passing by were rightfully offended, thinking I was using a slur.
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Georgia the Explorer 🇨🇦 @georgiatheexplorer.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
Once when I was walking with a coworker, she stopped in front of 3 stairs going up, pointed to the second one, and said to me in a soft voice, "That's my favorite step" This is a true story. I still have nothing
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
St. Peter: Your deeds are unfathomably heinous on a historic scale. Accordingly, you are going to Hell. Terrible Guy: Rhetoric! Let's watch the rhetoric, ok?
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Children’s movie about a bee who is allergic to pollen
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
People looking at you like you’re the weird one, when you’re SURE you doing the right thing is a feeling I don’t know I will ever get used to.
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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
A CLOSE READING OF “INSIDE OUT” BY EVE 6 The 90's had a lot of songs with terrible lyrics. But this one is special. Let's take a deep dive. 1/
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That Dang Tanner, Trophy ex-Wife 🌀 @tanner68.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Popped a cap in Sancho's ass, please respond.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
The mail truck that comes to my neighborhood is now one of the new Richard Scarry looking ones. I love it.
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
My town’s high school is the Terriers, and some people have these paw prints painted on their driveways in support. My daughter has decided these prints were left by Bluford the Big Blue Dog.
A large blue paw print is painted on pavement.
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Mark Chadbourn @chadbourn.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Magyar’s speech is powered. From a contact in the audience: “He’s basically just asked all the puppets, all the supreme justices, all the heads of media, all the heads of the ministries to leave their jobs tomorrow and not wait to be fired.”
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Forsythia is my favorite plant to forget about all year until it makes itself impossible to ignore.
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little lamb @puddleofbrain.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Hot take what is this Prometheus
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ann @anndotann.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
me: *visits website for the first time ever* website: You’ve read your last free article.
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yaoi gagarin @mel.bzky.team · 31/03/2026
cardiologist who thinks that one David lynch quote is about heart health rather than trans people
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Nick’s profile @nickonhere.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
Not to brag, but my Florsheim shoes actually fit.
A leg wearing blue jeans, and a foot wearing a black leather shoe.
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