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Matt Eitner

@mkeitner.bsky.social
191 followers 182 following 1.1K posts
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 3h
ahh yeah here he comes, big jerry d, mister pobo himself, looks like he brought a bag lunch, smart
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 4h
[while loading a revolver] can't relate because the Mariners still have never been to the World Series :)
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Matt Binder @mattbinder.bsky.social · 8h
the tech industry is about to invent books
Andrew Yeung 
@andruyeung
X.com
We created gyms because modern day work no
longer required physical activity. Without exercise,
our muscles atrophy.
I predict we'll need gyms for our brains too, once Al
starts doing our knowledge work.
10:53 PM • 10/4/26 • 1.3M Views
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 12h
"for a guy like me" has worked its way into my vocabulary like a parasite
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Kevin Fox @michigrim.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
A captcha that is a reference to the opening scene of Master and Commander
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Daniel Carlson @danielwcarlson.bsky.social · 14h
Jeremy Herbert
Follow
@DDayFilms
[George Lucas, driving away from Taco Bell]
Beenba Rito
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Micah @rincewind.run · 17h
there’s one true answer but it’s the correct one five minutes after game of thrones - the last true monoculture show - ended, we all collectively agreed not to talk about it again, and house of the dragon/knight of the seven kingdoms haven’t recaptured a fraction of that cultural presence
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David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If you go up to the box office and say "one adult for the movie where the whale eats a guy, please" they have to give it to you. There's no law that says you have to say Whalefall or whatever it's called.
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steviebaby🫡 @steviebaby.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
gavin newsom smiling, with the caption "why would i deceive you"
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Professor Frink saying this
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Hal Raiser @alaric10000.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
SURE IS GREAT THEY MADE EVERYONE PLAY LIKE 40 EXTRA SNAPS FROM TICKY TACK PENALTIES
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Hal O’Graham @yinzer.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Donald J. Trump ‹ @realDonaldTrump
ISIS has a new leader. We know exactly who he is!
9:38 AM . 11/1/19 . Twitter for iPhoneSEAN
MANNION
OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR
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Hustle Chillson @hustle-chillson.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The Eagles are doing this to me on purpose.
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
what if that small child had it coming though
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Garfield and Friends Screens @garfieldscreens.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
episode 089
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gwen howerton @kissphoria.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
oh wow you're a tiny small market team and you play a different brand of baseball and you have good vibes. should we have a party? should we call the Milwaukee Brewers?
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damniel spookradski @self.agency · 03/10/2026
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Thor Benson @thorbenson.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
"I know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards" meme
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Awful Announcing @awfulannouncing.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
'TNF' looks at Deshaun Watson's season 🏈 📺 Al Michaels: "If you follow football, you know the story ... we don't have to go through the whole Deshaun Watson thing." Kirk Herbstreit: "When you convert on 3rd downs, you hit passes, you lead this team to victories, those boos turn into cheers."
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I hope he gets torn apart by his pack of stupid golden retrievers
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Big month or so for Kirk
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Denny Carter @dennycarter.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
It’s overkill in ways that can’t be unintentional
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Mina Kimes @minakimes.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Straight up: As a woman in football, this sucks to listen to. This week in particular.
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit are openly eager to help rehabilitate Deshaun Watson's image and it's, frankly, disgusting.
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Drew Magary @drewmagary.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Yeah it’s pretty awful shit
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
squid up!
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Rodger Sherman @rodger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Steelers are going to finish sub-.500 for the first time in 20+ years while Mike Tomlin posts soothing Minecraft tutorials
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Mike Tomlin saw this shit and said Minecraft it is
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Patrick Callahan @iampatrickc.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Nobody: Sean McVay:
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Amy @lolennui.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
liberty biberty was humanely put down after mauling his handler
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Patrick Monahan @pattymo.com · 01/10/2026
Oh so an immensely powerful man isn’t allowed to enjoy carefree vacations, just because some of his neighbors notice that he has presided over a rollback of their rights and the destruction of the constitutional order? www.nytimes.com/2026/10/01/u...
nytimes.com
John Roberts Retreated to His Island. Supreme Court Critics Found Him. (Gift Article)
After decades of potlucks and paddle-boarding on Maine’s midcoast, rising anger and protests have left the Supreme Court’s chief justice more isolated than ever.
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daryl "rupert pumpkin" b 🏳️‍⚧️ @hypercubexl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
tim robinson making a ridiculous order at the drive thru
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Sen. Pumpkin Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
aaron sorkin walk and talk entirely in patois
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Michaela Joffe @joffeorama.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
not sure why I made this but now you have to see it
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Light Bat Publishing Inc. Clearing House @lightbat.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
thelightbat.substack.com/p/new-interv... EXCLUSIVE: FAKE ISAAC CHOTINER QUESTIONS WITH REAL JERRY DIPOTO ANSWERS. METAPHYSICAL COMMENTARY LIES WITHIN.
thelightbat.substack.com
New Interview: Jerry Dipoto On The Culture Of Accountability
The Mariners executive explains why the blame falls on him first, why the consequences fell on everyone else, and why accountability is just a word without a standard.
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more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 11/11/2023
holy shit
Circus peanuts led to the creation of Lucky Charms in 1964 when a General Mills employee chopped pieces into a bowl of Cheerios
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Norm Charlatan @normcharlatan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Don Draper saying “that’s what the Buzzballz is for!”
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Jesse Raub @jesseraub.online · 29/09/2026
PODCAST HOST: the blood from the crime scene was found to actually be from the murder victim PODCAST CO-HOST: wait… the murder victim… died? with blood PODCAST HOST: i know—i was thinking the same thing. but then i read in the report that they died from the blood not being in the body anymore
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
They're going to do bad things to Justin Herbert
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 29/09/2026
awoke this morning with a Vision
that diagram showing  the SUV blind spot in the front but it's lowly worm driving his little applemobile
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
The affair stuff felt really out of place! Give me more seething about Stone Phillips/NBC!
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Matt Eitner @mkeitner.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I feel like a lot of people were expecting more of an actual biopic and not a heightened reality allegorical lense about How We Got Here
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Ringtail 🔞 @rllynotringtail.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
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Rodger Sherman @rodger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
the right's crippling lack of ball knowledge strikes again
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David Evans @dkevans2.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Chris Hansen (interrogation voice): “it’s 2:30 in the morning, what am I supposed to make of this?” The Grinch (eyes to floor): “I shwear I’m only here for the Chrishmas preshents” Chris Hansen (narration voice): “with the Whoville PD waiting outside, our green suspect has been caught red handed.”
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dr. rich traditions, JD @helldude.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
this is decidedly different from "send mail instantly" or "movies in your home instantly" -- this is, "fingers crossed, you and your children will never know freedom from hunger and want." who can get up every day and suck dicks down at the factory with this as the vision being sold
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 28/09/2026
Recent Events have me once again considering: the cube
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