Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 14/09/2023I'm too old to be a skeptic now. The alien mummies are real. Bigfoot is real. The cosmic serpent is real. But the chupacabra? 100% fake. 128411
Reposted by JesseSneezingWithWetMascara @wetmascara.bsky.social · 13/09/2023Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing 822533
Reposted by JesseRoxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt.com · 13/09/2023People think octopuses love October because they both begin with "octo" but the truth is that octopuses spend the whole month getting excited for Halloween because they are capable of giving out candy extremely quickly & efficiently. 17952213
Reposted by JesseJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 12/09/2023Me and the homie looking at you right after you suggest we steal the Declaration of Independence. 06817
Reposted by Jesse🦊 🩵🐦⬛ Fox & Crow, for Bartleby Endeavors 🎥 @foxy99.bsky.social · 12/09/2023My home’s hallways are lined with oil portraits of my ancestors in hand carved frames composed entirely of Arby’s beef sandwiches. 0157
Reposted by Jesse𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 12/09/2023Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails. 78140
Reposted by Jessesoul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 07/09/2023in the 90’s, computers would scream every time you went online. that‘s called foreshadowing 5685823103
Reposted by JesseD.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚 @dnschmidt.com · 12/09/2023The waiter said my steak was rare but it turns out there are literally thousands of steaks. 04214
Reposted by Jessehaunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 12/09/2023laughing out longingly 45411
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 12/09/2023You ever pirate a movie? Give it 3.14 stars every time. 118214
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 12/09/2023We need to return to the days when the only "bit coin" was an old pirate nibbling a doubloon to make sure the gold was real. 1366
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 12/09/2023Asked my coworker when they were getting into the office today. They said “15 to 20 minutes Max.” Seven years working together and they never remember that my name is Jesse. 1364
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 11/09/2023If I die in a tragedy, you're allowed to make fun of it. What am I gonna do, complain? 2457
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 11/09/2023Nice pillow sham you got there. Would be a shame if you added an e to the end. 220263
Reposted by Jessedillo saint dillo @dillo.media · 09/09/2023see a post from a moot? go ahead and fave it. there's no reason not to. it's free 210516
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 09/09/2023You can unlock any door by being emotionally vulnerable with it. Communication is key. 0182
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 08/09/2023They raised the price of the gas station air pump by 25 cents. That’s the cost of inflation. 715030
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 07/09/2023Hot Dads in Your Area Want to Know Who Messed With the Thermostat 20978240
Reposted by Jessethey/them might be giants ☭ @babadookspinoza.bsky.social · 06/09/2023The thing about spells is that you always have to look them up in some rare old book. You want to reverse a spell? Another old book, or maybe an obscure scroll or an ancient amulet. Nobody’s inventing new spells or magical objects anymore. Where is the innovation in the witchcraft industry? 1911323
Reposted by Jessecaptain bleach @blainecapatch.bsky.social · 05/09/2023the best thing about an amish flash mob is the free barn 0789
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 05/09/2023There is a steakhouse with a 20 ft tall ceiling from which the choicest cuts of meat dangle. If you can grab one, you eat for free. No one has ever achieved this. The steaks are too high. 4353
Reposted by Jessedonni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 01/09/2023Every day is a gift, but lots of them are cheap promotional gifts, like cup holders 07117
Reposted by Jesse𝗖👽𝗥𝗟 @carl.bsky.social · 03/09/2023Laying on a heated rock and waiting for crickets to crawl into my mouth 1233
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 03/09/2023Lord of the Rings is awesome because someone can shout “Crebain from Dunland!” and all the characters understand perfectly but you, the observer, are never told what a crebain is or learn where Dunland is. It rules. 0303
Reposted by JesseKristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse.bsky.social · 30/08/2023For sale: clown shoes, your size. 251676339
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 02/09/2023Because the journey of 500 hours begins with a single step 3342
Reposted by JesseL Ron Mexico @lronmexico.bsky.social · 11/08/2023By 2025 the internet will be completely unusable. You could Google how to treat a rattlesnake bite and they’d make you watch a crypto ad before showing you an article written by AI that tells you to order a snickers from grubhub 16574135
Reposted by Jesseginger @redhot.bsky.social · 11/08/2023*trying to connect with my mutuals* wow i sure love being Thirty Six years old!! 5509
Reposted by Jesselizard @lizzzard.bsky.social · 10/08/2023making a terrible point in the mushroom discourse, call that a shiitake 316232
Reposted by Jessefull slack @fullslack.bsky.social · 11/08/2023no producer has ever made a beat that goes as hard as the washing machine 33610
Reposted by Jesseholden m. accountable @noahs.bsky.social · 11/08/2023And they’re saying we delved too greedily, they’re saying—do we like delving, folks? Do we love it. Mo-ri-a. We dug a thousand perfect mines, okay, but the elves, they don’t want you to know, and they’ve been very nasty to me 221012275
Reposted by JesseJohn of the North @shutupmac.bsky.social · 10/08/2023everyone is kung-fu fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind 13721
Jesse @jessedumb.bsky.social · 11/08/2023Creating a vegan alternative to communion wafers called I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus! 813625
Reposted by JesseJade Munkii @jademunkii.bsky.social · 11/08/2023The existential dread here is more comforting. 05831
Reposted by JessePyramid Chad @pyrameadhead.wifeguy.online · 11/08/2023Not a cellphone in sight, just people living in the moment 1487
