Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 10mMen, it’s never too late to leave your fraternity. Membership is lifelong. And these segregationist institutions use your name to uphold the power they abuse. This is what your fellow alums are doing. Do you really want to be associated with that? 13714
Reposted by Nicole BederaBroad Eye View @broadeyeview.bsky.social · 36mA THIRD OF ALL WOMEN THERE. But not just there. 0126
Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 51mIn case anyone missed it at the time, a part of why schools handle sexual violence so badly is because perpetrators were more involved in writing Trump’s 2020 Title IX regulation. It literally comes up in the Epstein files.nwlc.orgJeffrey Epstein Loved Trump’s Changes to the Title IX Rule. That Tells You All You Need to Know. - National Women's Law CenterContent warning: reported sexual violence, reported homicide As an attorney who focuses on gender-based violence, I wasn’t surprised that the “Epstein files” confirmed what my gender justice comrades ... 15325
Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 1hI spoke to @usatoday.com about data on sexual violence at Cornell. Victimization rates are increasing and reporting rates are falling. “Together… those two trendlines tell me that all students, including victims and perpetrators, believe that there is impunity for sexual assault at Cornell.”usatoday.comCornell rarely expels students in sex assault cases | ExclusiveA third of undergraduate women say they've been sexually assaulted. But on average, Cornell reported expelling just one attacker per year. 320687
Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 4hThere are a lot of parents focused on getting gentleness *for* their sons, but not expecting their sons to show gentleness to anyone else. And that’s just male entitlement in liberal window dressing. 010129
Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 4hHow you teach your kids to treat animals is really important! In our society, animals are one of the only groups with less power than children. If they learn they can punch down, that’s a lesson that will do a lot more damage as they grow up. 39018
Reposted by Nicole BederaLibby @libbystigaard.bsky.social · 6hGood 🧵. My conversations about consent with my kid were kicked off by him REALLY wanting to pet other people's dogs. He understood having to ask first, but wanted to ignore anything other than an outright no. ("He's not really friendly.") We had a lot of convos about recognizing soft no's and 314143
Reposted by Nicole BederaDeath Cab for Callie, MS @deathcab4callie.bsky.social · 6hI see this even in preschool. Girls wait. Boys plow ahead and do as they like. And I hear, "Little boys are different. Little boys are wild.". This is not a biological difference-it's a learned one. Little boys can wait. Little boys do not have to be out of control. 0509
Reposted by Nicole BederaDan LK, 💖💜💙 Visibly Bisexual @2ndlevelbard.bsky.social · 7hThis. There's a lot to untangle with our unexamined double standards, but "How would I handle a girl in this situation" isn't a bad start. We don't have to resign ourselves to letting boys and young men get away with things just because they always have. 081
Reposted by Nicole BederaMarje, herself @minn-finn.bsky.social · 7hRead the whole thread. And then understand that the roots of “The Male Loneliness Epidemic” stem from the same place of not teaching boys how to live in community. 0328
Reposted by Nicole Bederaelozanobuhl.bsky.social @elozanobuhl.bsky.social · 7hThis thread has excellent common sense advice for ongoing conversations about sexual violence, consent, gender, and community between adult caregivers and their sons. 082
Reposted by Nicole BederaKimberly Chrisman-Campbell @hottycouture.bsky.social · 8hI didn't deliberately put my son on a co-ed team but it turned out to be one of the best things I accidentally did as a parent. Those girls became his sisters and their presence created a much healthier atmosphere in pretty much every way compared to the same-sex teams he played on. 1487
Reposted by Nicole BederaAlyssa Long @measuredandslow.bsky.social · 8hI have a somewhat unique perspective here in that I have a trans kid who transitioned very early, so I watched in real time as her socialization changed, and I watched it happen also *in our house*. It was a very eye opening way to learn where we had blind spots, and most of them are listed here 1486
Reposted by Nicole BederaNicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 7hI often say that if rape radicalized women into feminists, it would be a terrible tool of patriarchy. It really is designed to make us doubt and hate ourselves—and by extension, other women. 0143
Reposted by Nicole BederaNicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 8hWhile I have you here, let me also link to an article I wrote years ago about how to talk to your daughters about sexual violence—without blaming them, shaming them, or restricting their freedoms.slate.comWhat You Should Really Say to Your Daughter About Campus Sexual AssaultIt’s not what you might imagine. 426367
Reposted by Nicole BederaRothaí @rothaiocht.bsky.social · 9h*Men* have to model this for boys. Early. Lisa Damour points out that somewhere around 9 or 10, boys who hear *only* moms/sisters/ female teachers talking about handling feelings and behaviors conclude SEL must be Woman Zone. After that, talks by mom are worse than nothing—they must reject. 2306
Reposted by Nicole Bederadymphna @dymphna.bsky.social · 9hPeople react in different ways to another pedestrian in a wheelchair. Some people are much more likely to refuse to yield, lean over the chair, hit me (sometimes in the face) with their swinging arms or backpack, cut in front of me, etc. One gender does this more often than others. 1186
Reposted by Nicole BederaRebecca M @rebjmccl.bsky.social · 10hAs an eldest daughter I want this on billboards nationwide. 0244
Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 8hTHIS. Consequences are meant to enforce a moral code. We need boys and men to internalize a moral code of gender equality. 0356
Reposted by Nicole BederaMzbitca @mzbitca.bsky.social · 10hAll of these are so great and I would say my one addition to point out to a son is “just because they will let you doesn’t mean they should” they should self regulate without a consequence, we teach women to speak up. We need to teach boys to step back 0284
Reposted by Nicole BederaWard Q. Normal (he/him) @wardqnormal.bsky.social · 10hThis whole thread is fantastic. Set boundaries for your sons and hold them accountable. Let them experience the consequences of their actions, big and small. 14015
Reposted by Nicole BederaRyan Randall @www.ryanpatrickrandall.com · 10hThis whole thread is full of great ideas. (Yes, even for those of us without kids of our own, but who care deeply about our niblings and neighbors.) 0151
Reposted by Nicole BederaDKarfs @dkarfs.bsky.social · 10hValuable thread on parenting boys to respect others. This thread is also for non-parents. It’s for the entire village. All of us. 0112
Reposted by Nicole BederaCapricorn Iscariot @deaconblues1979.bsky.social · 10hRaise your boys to have genuine friendships with girls, and push back hard against the idea that girl stuff is bad or off limits. Rape culture is downstream from homosociality. 3676
Reposted by Nicole BederaDavid Forbes @davidforbes.bsky.social · 10hFrom experience in survivor work, the default to "restorative justice" is just part of rape culture. It uses more academic and supposedly liberatory jargon in spaces where traditional patriarchal and religious excuses for abuse wouldn't get as much traction, but to the exact same ends. Nothing more. 28524
Reposted by Nicole BederaElegant Sledgehammer FREE LINK @tinyteerex.bsky.social · 10hTHIS. You can't "a very special episode" to teach about accountability - YOU have to MODEL it YOURSELF. Telling your kids to do better while you engage in bullshit teaches them that people in power get to decide who gets punished & how, while facing zero consequences themselves. 0215
Reposted by Nicole BederaRook Lafetra @rooklafetra.bsky.social · 10hI recently had a conversation with a mother in my family who does this. Crucially, she is not the stereotypical "boy mom." She considers herself a feminist and also will gleefully talk about how men are trash and responsible for making other women in the family miserable. And lets her son do this. 1366
Reposted by Nicole Bederaletithappenalreadymama @pnutsmama.bsky.social · 10hmy kids are always incredulous at the rape lights around campus “what does that do?” “are you supposed to report your assault as it’s happening?” “how does that stop sexual assault?” 0111
Reposted by Nicole BederaMaia K. Nolan(-Partnow) @maiaknp.bsky.social · 10hGood thread. My son & I had a conversation about the other boy on his mixed 4-hand at dance who's a little rough. I told my kid it's fine if it doesn't bother *him*, but he needs to be a leader & check in with the 2 girls on their team who are younger & new & make sure they feel comfortable & safe. 0172
Reposted by Nicole BederaErika Hall @erikahall.bsky.social · 10hThis one. So much. I've talked a lot about showing up at Dartmouth and meeting guys my age who didn't think of women as human peers foremost, but some sort of mysterious "other". My HS sports were theater (yes, we had Shakespeare meets) and academic decathlon. So this was new and unpleasant. 1293
Reposted by Nicole BederaNicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 10hWithin a decade, I suspect that millennial calls for “consent training” will look just as out of touch as boomer calls for “rape whistles.” Both interventions were equally as successful. The rate of sexual assault has not changed on college campuses since we started measuring it 60 years ago. 214226
Reposted by Nicole BederaAnna Holmes @annabookwriter.bsky.social · 10hBetween working at Disneyland and the library, I have Seen Some Things. Have been expected to tolerate some things. Have been treated like a jungle gym, actually. If you would gasp and reel in a daughter, why can’t you do it with your son? (Seriously do not let him climb wheelchair users.) 39915
Reposted by Nicole BederaSamantha (Sam) Mills @samtasticbooks.com · 11hThis whole thread. I'm around sixth graders now and there is a world of difference between the boys who like and respect girls the same as the rest of their friends and the ones who don't 0233
Reposted by Nicole BederaJulie S. Lalonde @julieslalonde.bsky.social · 11h100% endorse this thread. I teach consent, violence prevention & bystander intervention for a living - It is my area of expertise. There is *no* evidence of the existence of an "Oops, my bad!" rapist. "Sexual assault is a miscommunication" is a myth without any evidence. It is an intentional act. 011038
Reposted by Nicole BederaNeedhi Bhalla 💅🏽 @needhibhalla.bsky.social · 11h“In many ways, the only thing boys need to learn are the lessons we already teach girls. They need to learn to be part of a community.” 🧵 0316
Reposted by Nicole BederaDr. Sarah Parcak @indyfromspace.bsky.social · 11hA tremendous thread- how we are raising our son. He was having a bad evening a few nights ago, I asked him if it was OK for me to hug him or comfort him, he said "no" and I respected his request for boundaries. Later when he was better he said "I could use a hug now." Build trust! It works. 110819
Reposted by Nicole BederaNic 🌷🌈🪻 @nicniksar.bsky.social · 11hDamn. This struck me. I've just started posting on this because I had to work through some internalized shame that still lingers a decade later. One of the hardest parts of seeing this story discussed has been that when it happened to me, I was a college student who thought I was all grown up. 2181
Reposted by Nicole BederaGail Drakes @gaildrakes.bsky.social · 13hYes to this 🧵 ALL DAY, for real. Spending time on the playground with my kids over the years makes this SO clear. There is a point where little white boys are just adorable children, and as they age you see the privilege and lack of consequences steal their ability to interact without doing harm.😔 12712
Reposted by Nicole BederaCate Denial @cjdenial.bsky.social · 14hIf you're looking for someone to read on the larger contexts surrounding the Cornell case, check out @nbedera.bsky.social's website at www.nicolebedera.com. She's doing amazing work.nicolebedera.comAbout | Nicole Bedera, Ph.D.Nicole Bedera is a sexual violence researcher, studying the social structures that make violence a predictable part of our society. 1124
Reposted by Nicole BederaClaire Willett @clairewillett.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I remember a really frustrating conversation with a generally decent cishet white guy about a news story where a woman was roofied. he went off about wishing he could beat that guy up to avenge her, and I was like "how about start with calling out your friends' sexist tweets?" and he was like 😳 12129407
Reposted by Nicole BederaBrian Finucane @bcfinucane.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Without commenting specifically on the allegations at issue, my recommendation to the Cornell board of trustees in 2003 was to abolish fraternities and sororities at the university. 843472
Reposted by Nicole BederaCeleste Labedz @celestelabedz.bsky.social · 29/09/2026If anyone is looking to better understand the horrific bigger picture around campus sexual violence, follow Dr. Bedera. I wish I could assign her book "On The Wrong Side" as homework to literally every single person in higher ed. 1439
Reposted by Nicole BederaAnna Fore Waymack @waymack.bsky.social · 29/09/2026As a Cornell alum and a rape survivor, today seems a good time to repost this from that fight during Trump1. You are not alone. We are not alone. I will listen. medium.com/@annawaymack...medium.comPhilomela on CampusContent Warnings: pretty much all of them. Sexual assault, murder, mental illness, self-harm, other violence. 1182
Reposted by Nicole BederaDreamingDrama ♡ @dreamingdramabsky.bsky.social · 28/09/2026i'm an older woman and i won't stfu about my sexual assaults and abuse. if it helps just one girl/woman to know they are not alone then get me a fucking megaphone. 0346
Reposted by Nicole BederaKelsey @stuckyparty.bsky.social · 28/09/2026This thread, and *also* you need to teach them bodily autonomy. That isn't a one time convo, it's an ongoing rule that everyone is in charge of their own body. Don't force them to give hugs, remind them to ask their friends before hugging, remind them they can walk away from peers being unkind. 1398
Reposted by Nicole BederaJessica Price @delafina777.bsky.social · 27/09/2026“It’s not ALL men.” None of the 50+ men the Cornell rapists invited to come join them in raping a woman they’d drugged went to the authorities or tried to stop it. Not all men would rape an unconscious woman, but where are the men who’d try to stop it, or EVEN FUCKING OBJECT? 322002642
Reposted by Nicole BederaGillian Brockell @gillianbrockell.com · 28/09/2026IT'S OFFICIAL. The progressive members of the Chicago City Council (looking at you, @andrefor40th.bsky.social) stopped ICE's cruelest, most notorious charter airline, Omni Air International. news.wttw.com/2026/09/28/f...news.wttw.comFirm Set to Buy Chicago’s Parking Meters Sells Airline That Carried Out DeportationsMore than a dozen progressive members of the City Council said they would not vote in favor of the deal unless the firm sold Omni Air, threatening the completion of the deal involving the city’s 36,00... 7806250