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Nicole Bedera

@nbedera.bsky.social
19K followers 3.5K following 4.3K posts

Sociologist studying how our social structures make sexual violence more likely to occur. Author of ON THE WRONG SIDE. Co-founder of Beyond Compliance Consulting. PhD UMich.

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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 10m
Men, it’s never too late to leave your fraternity. Membership is lifelong. And these segregationist institutions use your name to uphold the power they abuse. This is what your fellow alums are doing. Do you really want to be associated with that?
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Broad Eye View @broadeyeview.bsky.social · 36m
A THIRD OF ALL WOMEN THERE. But not just there.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 51m
In case anyone missed it at the time, a part of why schools handle sexual violence so badly is because perpetrators were more involved in writing Trump’s 2020 Title IX regulation. It literally comes up in the Epstein files.
nwlc.org
Jeffrey Epstein Loved Trump’s Changes to the Title IX Rule. That Tells You All You Need to Know. - National Women's Law Center
Content warning: reported sexual violence, reported homicide As an attorney who focuses on gender-based violence, I wasn’t surprised that the “Epstein files” confirmed what my gender justice comrades ...
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 1h
I spoke to @usatoday.com about data on sexual violence at Cornell. Victimization rates are increasing and reporting rates are falling. “Together… those two trendlines tell me that all students, including victims and perpetrators, believe that there is impunity for sexual assault at Cornell.”
usatoday.com
Cornell rarely expels students in sex assault cases | Exclusive
A third of undergraduate women say they've been sexually assaulted. But on average, Cornell reported expelling just one attacker per year.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 4h
There are a lot of parents focused on getting gentleness *for* their sons, but not expecting their sons to show gentleness to anyone else. And that’s just male entitlement in liberal window dressing.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 4h
How you teach your kids to treat animals is really important! In our society, animals are one of the only groups with less power than children. If they learn they can punch down, that’s a lesson that will do a lot more damage as they grow up.
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Libby @libbystigaard.bsky.social · 6h
Good 🧵. My conversations about consent with my kid were kicked off by him REALLY wanting to pet other people's dogs. He understood having to ask first, but wanted to ignore anything other than an outright no. ("He's not really friendly.") We had a lot of convos about recognizing soft no's and
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Death Cab for Callie, MS @deathcab4callie.bsky.social · 6h
I see this even in preschool. Girls wait. Boys plow ahead and do as they like. And I hear, "Little boys are different. Little boys are wild.". This is not a biological difference-it's a learned one. Little boys can wait. Little boys do not have to be out of control.
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Dan LK, 💖💜💙 Visibly Bisexual @2ndlevelbard.bsky.social · 7h
This. There's a lot to untangle with our unexamined double standards, but "How would I handle a girl in this situation" isn't a bad start. We don't have to resign ourselves to letting boys and young men get away with things just because they always have.
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Marje, herself @minn-finn.bsky.social · 7h
Read the whole thread. And then understand that the roots of “The Male Loneliness Epidemic” stem from the same place of not teaching boys how to live in community.
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elozanobuhl.bsky.social @elozanobuhl.bsky.social · 7h
This thread has excellent common sense advice for ongoing conversations about sexual violence, consent, gender, and community between adult caregivers and their sons.
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Kimberly Chrisman-Campbell @hottycouture.bsky.social · 8h
I didn't deliberately put my son on a co-ed team but it turned out to be one of the best things I accidentally did as a parent. Those girls became his sisters and their presence created a much healthier atmosphere in pretty much every way compared to the same-sex teams he played on.
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Alyssa Long @measuredandslow.bsky.social · 8h
I have a somewhat unique perspective here in that I have a trans kid who transitioned very early, so I watched in real time as her socialization changed, and I watched it happen also *in our house*. It was a very eye opening way to learn where we had blind spots, and most of them are listed here
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 7h
I often say that if rape radicalized women into feminists, it would be a terrible tool of patriarchy. It really is designed to make us doubt and hate ourselves—and by extension, other women.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 8h
While I have you here, let me also link to an article I wrote years ago about how to talk to your daughters about sexual violence—without blaming them, shaming them, or restricting their freedoms.
slate.com
What You Should Really Say to Your Daughter About Campus Sexual Assault
It’s not what you might imagine.
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Rothaí @rothaiocht.bsky.social · 9h
*Men* have to model this for boys. Early. Lisa Damour points out that somewhere around 9 or 10, boys who hear *only* moms/sisters/ female teachers talking about handling feelings and behaviors conclude SEL must be Woman Zone. After that, talks by mom are worse than nothing—they must reject.
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dymphna @dymphna.bsky.social · 9h
People react in different ways to another pedestrian in a wheelchair. Some people are much more likely to refuse to yield, lean over the chair, hit me (sometimes in the face) with their swinging arms or backpack, cut in front of me, etc. One gender does this more often than others.
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Rebecca M @rebjmccl.bsky.social · 10h
As an eldest daughter I want this on billboards nationwide.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 8h
THIS. Consequences are meant to enforce a moral code. We need boys and men to internalize a moral code of gender equality.
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Mzbitca @mzbitca.bsky.social · 10h
All of these are so great and I would say my one addition to point out to a son is “just because they will let you doesn’t mean they should” they should self regulate without a consequence, we teach women to speak up. We need to teach boys to step back
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Ward Q. Normal (he/him) @wardqnormal.bsky.social · 10h
This whole thread is fantastic. Set boundaries for your sons and hold them accountable. Let them experience the consequences of their actions, big and small.
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Ryan Randall @www.ryanpatrickrandall.com · 10h
This whole thread is full of great ideas. (Yes, even for those of us without kids of our own, but who care deeply about our niblings and neighbors.)
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DKarfs @dkarfs.bsky.social · 10h
Valuable thread on parenting boys to respect others. This thread is also for non-parents. It’s for the entire village. All of us.
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Capricorn Iscariot @deaconblues1979.bsky.social · 10h
Raise your boys to have genuine friendships with girls, and push back hard against the idea that girl stuff is bad or off limits. Rape culture is downstream from homosociality.
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David Forbes @davidforbes.bsky.social · 10h
From experience in survivor work, the default to "restorative justice" is just part of rape culture. It uses more academic and supposedly liberatory jargon in spaces where traditional patriarchal and religious excuses for abuse wouldn't get as much traction, but to the exact same ends. Nothing more.
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Elegant Sledgehammer FREE LINK @tinyteerex.bsky.social · 10h
THIS. You can't "a very special episode" to teach about accountability - YOU have to MODEL it YOURSELF. Telling your kids to do better while you engage in bullshit teaches them that people in power get to decide who gets punished & how, while facing zero consequences themselves.
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Rook Lafetra @rooklafetra.bsky.social · 10h
I recently had a conversation with a mother in my family who does this. Crucially, she is not the stereotypical "boy mom." She considers herself a feminist and also will gleefully talk about how men are trash and responsible for making other women in the family miserable. And lets her son do this.
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letithappenalreadymama @pnutsmama.bsky.social · 10h
my kids are always incredulous at the rape lights around campus “what does that do?” “are you supposed to report your assault as it’s happening?” “how does that stop sexual assault?”
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Maia K. Nolan(-Partnow) @maiaknp.bsky.social · 10h
Good thread. My son & I had a conversation about the other boy on his mixed 4-hand at dance who's a little rough. I told my kid it's fine if it doesn't bother *him*, but he needs to be a leader & check in with the 2 girls on their team who are younger & new & make sure they feel comfortable & safe.
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Erika Hall @erikahall.bsky.social · 10h
This one. So much. I've talked a lot about showing up at Dartmouth and meeting guys my age who didn't think of women as human peers foremost, but some sort of mysterious "other". My HS sports were theater (yes, we had Shakespeare meets) and academic decathlon. So this was new and unpleasant.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 10h
Within a decade, I suspect that millennial calls for “consent training” will look just as out of touch as boomer calls for “rape whistles.” Both interventions were equally as successful. The rate of sexual assault has not changed on college campuses since we started measuring it 60 years ago.
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Anna Holmes @annabookwriter.bsky.social · 10h
Between working at Disneyland and the library, I have Seen Some Things. Have been expected to tolerate some things. Have been treated like a jungle gym, actually. If you would gasp and reel in a daughter, why can’t you do it with your son? (Seriously do not let him climb wheelchair users.)
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Samantha (Sam) Mills @samtasticbooks.com · 11h
This whole thread. I'm around sixth graders now and there is a world of difference between the boys who like and respect girls the same as the rest of their friends and the ones who don't
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Julie S. Lalonde @julieslalonde.bsky.social · 11h
100% endorse this thread. I teach consent, violence prevention & bystander intervention for a living - It is my area of expertise. There is *no* evidence of the existence of an "Oops, my bad!" rapist. "Sexual assault is a miscommunication" is a myth without any evidence. It is an intentional act.
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Needhi Bhalla 💅🏽 @needhibhalla.bsky.social · 11h
“In many ways, the only thing boys need to learn are the lessons we already teach girls. They need to learn to be part of a community.” 🧵
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Dr. Sarah Parcak @indyfromspace.bsky.social · 11h
A tremendous thread- how we are raising our son. He was having a bad evening a few nights ago, I asked him if it was OK for me to hug him or comfort him, he said "no" and I respected his request for boundaries. Later when he was better he said "I could use a hug now." Build trust! It works.
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Nicole Bedera @nbedera.bsky.social · 11h
Consent training isn’t going to stop a gang rape.
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Nic 🌷🌈🪻 @nicniksar.bsky.social · 11h
Damn. This struck me. I've just started posting on this because I had to work through some internalized shame that still lingers a decade later. One of the hardest parts of seeing this story discussed has been that when it happened to me, I was a college student who thought I was all grown up.
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Gail Drakes @gaildrakes.bsky.social · 13h
Yes to this 🧵 ALL DAY, for real. Spending time on the playground with my kids over the years makes this SO clear. There is a point where little white boys are just adorable children, and as they age you see the privilege and lack of consequences steal their ability to interact without doing harm.😔
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Cate Denial @cjdenial.bsky.social · 14h
If you're looking for someone to read on the larger contexts surrounding the Cornell case, check out @nbedera.bsky.social's website at www.nicolebedera.com. She's doing amazing work.
nicolebedera.com
About | Nicole Bedera, Ph.D.
Nicole Bedera is a sexual violence researcher, studying the social structures that make violence a predictable part of our society.
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Claire Willett @clairewillett.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I remember a really frustrating conversation with a generally decent cishet white guy about a news story where a woman was roofied. he went off about wishing he could beat that guy up to avenge her, and I was like "how about start with calling out your friends' sexist tweets?" and he was like 😳
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Brian Finucane @bcfinucane.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Without commenting specifically on the allegations at issue, my recommendation to the Cornell board of trustees in 2003 was to abolish fraternities and sororities at the university.
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Celeste Labedz @celestelabedz.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
If anyone is looking to better understand the horrific bigger picture around campus sexual violence, follow Dr. Bedera. I wish I could assign her book "On The Wrong Side" as homework to literally every single person in higher ed.
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Anna Fore Waymack @waymack.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
As a Cornell alum and a rape survivor, today seems a good time to repost this from that fight during Trump1. You are not alone. We are not alone. I will listen. medium.com/@annawaymack...
medium.com
Philomela on Campus
Content Warnings: pretty much all of them. Sexual assault, murder, mental illness, self-harm, other violence.
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DreamingDrama ♡ @dreamingdramabsky.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
i'm an older woman and i won't stfu about my sexual assaults and abuse. if it helps just one girl/woman to know they are not alone then get me a fucking megaphone.
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Kelsey @stuckyparty.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
This thread, and *also* you need to teach them bodily autonomy. That isn't a one time convo, it's an ongoing rule that everyone is in charge of their own body. Don't force them to give hugs, remind them to ask their friends before hugging, remind them they can walk away from peers being unkind.
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Jessica Price @delafina777.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
“It’s not ALL men.” None of the 50+ men the Cornell rapists invited to come join them in raping a woman they’d drugged went to the authorities or tried to stop it. Not all men would rape an unconscious woman, but where are the men who’d try to stop it, or EVEN FUCKING OBJECT?
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Gillian Brockell @gillianbrockell.com · 28/09/2026
IT'S OFFICIAL. The progressive members of the Chicago City Council (looking at you, @andrefor40th.bsky.social) stopped ICE's cruelest, most notorious charter airline, Omni Air International. news.wttw.com/2026/09/28/f...
news.wttw.com
Firm Set to Buy Chicago’s Parking Meters Sells Airline That Carried Out Deportations
More than a dozen progressive members of the City Council said they would not vote in favor of the deal unless the firm sold Omni Air, threatening the completion of the deal involving the city’s 36,00...
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