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jchaumont.bsky.social

@jchaumont.bsky.social
1.1K followers 397 following 0 posts
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toilet bones @toiletbones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Found the email I sent when I got accidentally added to the faculty listserv of an orthopedic surgery clinic and nobody would remove me so I sent this email to all faculty/staff/med students and they removed me almost immediately
Hello Bone Colleagues, 
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans. 

--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine 
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.
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Bentzburgh @bentzburgh.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I ate Waffle House and Burger King in the same day now my body has a natural instinct to steal catalytic converters
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Dom Ervolina @dominicervolina.com · 16/09/2026
We've had stupid Presidents before but not one who was this proud of it
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ceej @ceej.online · 15/09/2026
(rolling out the deadest looking guy you’ve ever seen) see? alive and well
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Ab-Norm-al @bloatytoe.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
A pair of towels embroidered with the phrase "You Dried" in the Dark Souls font.
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Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
The way Donald Trump ignores the Constitution, you’d think it was Eric Trump
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Brian J. Karem @briankarem.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Here’s one for you from a Texas attendee of the midterm GOP convention: “It was like an extended pep rally for a Texas High School football game with fewer people and less energy.”
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patthepublican2 @patthepublican2.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
IT WAS NEVER THE IMMGRANTS IN SMALL BOATS The world is 700% richer than in 1970 but the average person is only 8% richer Because the richest 0.01% are 4000% richer We are all being robbed every second of every day, and it doesn't matter how much profit or growth there is It will never reach you
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Tim Price @timprice.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
@Agos226 • 1y ago (edited)
My dad walked in on me playing kingdom hearts as a kid and I told him I was killing a boss and he said "I wish I could kill my boss" and left
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TV's Adam, who died 25 years ago THIS VERY SAME NIGHT, @tvsadam.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
in fact i've had three bowel movements since we started this interview and you have been none the wiser now check your shirt pocket yes, that's right note the pointed ends
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Oh my god the dietician who is telling everyone in the White House to only eat steak and sauerkraut doesn't wipe his ass.
To O’Mara, the diet is not just a temporary means of losing weight but a way to eat for good. He has been doing it for 10 years, and credits it with turning his life around. At one point in our conversation he pulled up the Bristol Stool Chart, which ranges from Type 1 (“separate, hard pellets”) to Type 7 (“watery, no solid pieces”). O’Mara is consistently delivering Type 4 (“smooth, soft, like a snake”), with pointed ends, indicative of healthy rectal function, he told me. “When you start eating healthy, you don’t need toilet paper,” he claimed. “Animals in the wild have no residual stool on their anus.” He described a proper bowel movement to me this way: odorless, wipe-free, over in three to seven seconds and “nearly orgasmic.”

“I could have a bowel movement behind a sheet at a dinner party in the corner of the room,” he said, “and nobody would know.”
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triften.bsky.social @triften.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
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Davidwhodat @davidwhodat.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
Rod Hilton
@rodhilton@mastodon.social

He talked about electric cars. I don't know anything about cars, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius.

Then he talked about rockets. I don't know anything about rockets, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius.

Now he talks about software. I happen to know a lot about software & Elon Musk is saying the stupidest shit I've ever heard anyone say, so when people say he's a genius I figure I should stay the hell away from his cars and rockets.

Dec 24, 2022, 10:32 PM
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 11/07/2026
I'm here you fuckaas bitch
a picture of a men's wearhouse but the word men has gone out in the lit lettered sign, so it looks like it just says sWearhouse
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Jonathan Edward Durham @thisone0verhere.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Would love a reverse swear jar situation where I put a dollar in and it gives me a new and exciting expletive to use
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
really hope there are some InfoWars superfans who just kept watching once The Onion took over and are like "It's different but they're still making some points, man"
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
If you gave Thomas Jefferson a smartphone to help him write the Declaration of Independence he’d probably be like “holy shit look at all this porn” and we’d still be a British colony
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Adam J. Morris @lonestarball.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
428 on the Higashioka homer. 10 of the 12 longest hit balls at the Shed this season have come in the last eight games there.
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David Benedict @eggsbened.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
There are days when I miss being an editor. I loved writing headlines. Whoever did this, I hope they took the rest of the day off.
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Marisa Kabas @marisakabas.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
this is a masterpiece
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ceej @ceej.online · 19/05/2026
successful gaslit my health tracker into believing 12:45am is my “optimal bedtime”
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Ong's Hat @ongs-hat.com · 10/05/2026
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Dutchy Patrick @dutchiepatrick.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Trump: “Nobody expected that.” With the exception of foreign policy experts, who predicted this as early as 2010. Trump proved again he’s the dumbest president ever….
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David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
Look if you've got a better way to run a country than "putting an illiterate octogenarian bigot on TV every few days to free associate and complain, and then everyone tries to figure out if it means we're about to start a war or not" I'd love to hear it. But the constitution says this is it.
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
shoutout to one of the greatest tweets of all time
Headline: cardale Jones visits kid in hospital to play video games, beats him 91-35 in NCAA.

Jones tweet: man I wish everyone stop saying I beat a kid in hospital 91-35, it was 98-35, had 91 with 1:26 left
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Return of the Cmonstermacques @cmonmaque.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
You can’t call insurance CEO’s “murderers”, okay? They don’t murder people. Instead they merely prop up and administer a complex rube Goldberg structure that grinds living human beings into a fine slurry. They do this for financial profit. That’s not murder. That’s not murder.
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Crowsa Luxemburg @quendergeer.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
watch this motherfuckers (i slide a massive chunk of my economic and military hegemony out from me and fall flat on my ass, it's not clear what kind of move i was trying to do)
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One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
Imagine devoting your life's work to perfecting the seatbelt and then the first time there's a serious accident every occupant of the car goes flying right through the windshield. This post is about the founding fathers.
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Seb Downie-Blackwell @downieseb.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Everyone have their monkey costumes ready for when the Artemis crew return, right?
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Luke Knox @lukeknox.me · 05/04/2026
never forget when the Easter Bunny sent Teddy Roosevelt to the shadow realm
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GOP Delenda Est @qed2.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
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William Skurk @yehawsnail.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
I bet getting reanimated as a skeleton warrior by a necromancer feels gooood af
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Telephone Friend @ironyhat.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
Best railcar graffiti I've ever seen
nine inch nails pretty freight machine
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🎃HalloDeeny🎃 they/them @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
But they were all deceived for a 5th loco was made
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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
It’s not a plot hole that Elmo has been 3 years old for 50 years. He was bitten by The Count, willingly. Elmo asked for the Dark Gift
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more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
until act three the shark in Jaws doesn't even know people are mad at him. he's just hanging out
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Nathan Goldwag @goldwagnathan.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
SHOULD THE U.S BLOT OUT THE SUN AND USHER IN AN AGE OF ETERNAL DARKNESS? - Gallup 2/20/26-3/5/26 NO - 41% YES - 38% UNSURE - 21%
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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
brain at 5:16 pm: take a little nap me: good idea [the year 2107] me: ah fuck
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W. Kamau Bell @wkamaubell.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
Just do yourself a favor and press play.
youtu.be
Buddy Guy: Tiny Desk Concert
YouTube video by NPR Music
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Eric @nemchocke.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
Here it is, your moment of zen.
Counselor: These feelings of "everything sucks," how long have you had them?

Butt-head: Uhh, since everything started to suck, I guess.
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Pestilence @pestilence4all.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
Yes they should.
The President of the United States and the dumbest motherfucker on Earth should be two different
People
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Bill Kristol @billkristolbulwark.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Also, may I say that I don’t agree with people saying ICE and CBP need “more training.” They’re doing exactly what this administration has trained them to—impose a reign of fear in blue cities. They don’t need more training. They need to be ripped up root and branch.
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Ron Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
The only police officer shooting Republicans won’t reflexively defend is one that involved a woman who broke through police barricades and stormed the US Capitol with a huge mob ranting and raving to forcibly overturn a lawful presidential election.
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Rodger Sherman @rodger.bsky.social · 04/01/2026
it's so stupid that a game between two eliminated teams will decide who makes the NFL playoffs. clearly they need a better system: having 12 athletic directors with obvious conflicts of interest sit in cloaks in a fancy hotel ballroom and decide which teams get in (one must be Alabama)
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
Invading Venezuela is Constitutional as long as you do it to distract from multiple scandals, a collapsing economy, and your imminent death. This is what the Founding Fathers intended
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Michael Kagan @michaelgkagan.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war
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Ron Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
All these doctors going on TV and posting on social media their comments that Trump’s self-medicating regimen and diet are unhealthy just need to mind their own business and let the man do his own research.
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