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Rusty Foster @rusty.todayintabs.com · 5h

I am never touching the lathe of heaven again

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Let's See What's Going On Down At The Piss
Factory
Our "we're not Enron" memo is raising many questions which are already answered by our memo.
Rusty Foster
Dec 1, 2025

=
Futurism
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE ETHICS
URINE GOOD HANDS
People Who Drink Their Own Pee Are Obsessed With Al, Using It to Reassure Themselves That It'sa Miraculous Cure-All
The power of AI.
By Joe Wilkins
Published Sep 30, 2026 1:48 PM EDT
Add Futurism
Q
URINE IS THE SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING!
BATHE IN IT!
SOAK YOUR FEET IN IT!
X

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bijan @bijan.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

i think about this post all the time. you might too

Snooby
@DoBiddley1
I am paid a very high salary to design new ways to hurt innocent people. Please don't hurt me. I want to live. My job is to hurt your children. Please, don't do anything to me. I want to be safe. My job is to make your family sick. I want to live. Please, I deserve to live. Pleas
12:45 AM · Apr 1, 2026
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728K
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roz, rockabilly elegist @diseasehaver.northsky.social · 24/09/2026

remember when there was a guy named reince priebus

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The Onion @theonion.com · 22/09/2026

Everyone In 200-Member Media Softball League Unemployed

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Magnum, T.I.(M.) @hydrationchimp.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

it’s time to give Ms Rachel a gundam

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Matthew Gault @mjgault.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

in a part of America you can't comprehend

When pumping ranch, please be gentle with her! She's fragile

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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/09/2026

Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk theonion.com/report-you-to-be-fired…

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Mike X. Nichols @mikexnichols.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Thinking about this exchange today

A YouTube video for the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The comments section has an exchange as detailed below. “@TheMrdangles16 • 11y ago:
i hate the water temple... too confusing :(“ “@KeithHalsell • 2y ago:
it's been 9 years, i hope you are doing great in life now.” “@TheMrdangles16 • 2y ago: it couldn't be going worse Keith.”

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Timmy Jackpots, The $13,250 Diamond Dazzler @tbone.malware-virus.biz · 08/09/2026

What Ganondorf was up to is frankly unacceptable

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georgia-lux @georgialux.bsky.social · 11/09/2023

You add [Envelope of Salami] to your inventory.

an envelope of salami (helpfully labeled "Salami")

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Johnny Normality @probgobl.in · 31/08/2026

I asked a priest if "no loads refused" is a modern manifestation of the spirit of Christ and they threw a fireball at me?

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Robert Yang @radiatoryang.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

when you make a surprisingly good meal that uses up all the leftovers, you should get some kind of bonus in real-life. maybe quad damage

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Just poured my friend a bubbling green drink that emitted a cloud of vapor in the shape of a cackling skull, but he refused to drink it. After I spent so long working on my cool skull drink! It did contain poison though

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gay rat monty 🔜 ASC @gayrat.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

A beautiful man named Overdrawn is trying to message me through the ATM

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Effin' Birds @effinbirds.com · 21/08/2026

Never let a writer help you move

A cardboard moving box with EPHEMERA written on it in Sharpie

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Eric Stephen @ericstephen.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

people are really getting into a row about spreadsheets. my column:

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Matt Novak @paleofuture.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

"The Emperor is a fan of Flock, and we must continue utilizing Flock technologies so that we can follow and surveil the rebel scum as they move from playground to playground... They are following children in parks and gymnasiums, and we need this. I need this so I can stalk my ex-girlfriend."

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HEALTH @health.band · 15/08/2026

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Dr. Kill Everyone (Eclipse) @eclipse.gay · 15/08/2026

if you're somehow still alive, and you're seeing this, please - pokemon go to the escape pods

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Kylie Eleison @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

The obsession with making elections a referendum on Hassan Piker reminds me of this

An Onion poll on "Who is our favorite Commedia dell'Arte character?"
Columbine 0%
Scaramouche 0%
Pulcinella 0%
Pantalone 0%
il Dottore: 0%
Don't know: 100%

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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 09/08/2026

i'm tired of restaurants treating fries and tots as equally valid choices for a side. tots are an iterative improvement over fries by any metric we can measure. fries are a fully outdated technology. if you're still playing the fry meta in 2026 you're already behind the competition

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sarah-rah-rasputin @fannybandit69.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

which one of you FREAKS impregnated Burger King

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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

BOURDAIN (voiceover): I found myself surrounded by discarded objects. An empty soda can, a dead battery. Life becomes death. But death can become life. The simmering pot with its spicy aroma in front of me is proof. BOURDAIN: What's in this dish? ME: Pikmin BOURDAIN: Pikmin. Oh man that's good.

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Ashton Pittman @ashtonpittman.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

So under this Supreme Court's treatment of U.S. law and presidential power, Joe Biden couldn't forgove my student loans, but perhaps Donald Trump can forgive his own tax debt. Wild.

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Sean T. Collins @seantcollins.com · 03/08/2026

BREAKING: The man who says "Liberty Biberty" in the Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials has been shot dead by the Limu Emu. This marks the Emu's second killing in the line of duty, after he was forced to shoot his partner Doug, who was threatening his estranged wife outside their child's school.

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The Emotion Engine @emotion-engine.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

Isekai as a genre is exploding in popularity because it appeals to a universal desire to get hit by a truck rather than live in the 21st century.

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Matt Novak @paleofuture.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

Wait does this mean you can leave hell?

Post on Truth Social: HEAVEN HAS A WALL,
A GATE AND A STRICT IMMIGRATION POLICY.
HELL HAS OPEN BORDERS.

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Ana Marie Cox @anamariecox.com · 30/07/2026

This is going to make it very difficult to know which sports we should ban them from.

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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Two straight days in which news organizations made uncanny valley image choices where famous people look like Onion stock image illustrations.

USA Today: RFK Jr. will host a new cooking show with celebrity chefs

NYT: Ross Douthat Joins 60 Minutes as Correspondent

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New-Cleckit Dominie @ncdominie.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

This is just to say I have OCRed the text thet was in tne arch:ve and whicb yov were prabaldy seamhing for "breahtast" Fargme ms fheg mem debo:w5 sb ?mccf mmb 5c oc1b

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Steven Rich @datab.ae · 22/07/2026

i checked and this is real lmao

On Google:

search query: how many days of the week have poop in it

Al Overview

Only one day of the week naturally contains the word poop: Wednesday (Wednespoop).

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Ryan Mac 🙃 @rmac.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

so much scoring happening in Miami right now bsky.app/profile/apne...

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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

Trump has left instructions to keep whining about the 2020 election after he dies

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Andrew Ferguson @dontfuck.men · 17/07/2026

Intellectually I know that The Hague is a real place and things other than The International Criminal Court exist there. I was still not prepared to read the sentence: “Shrek Rave Is Coming To The Hague!”