thedailytism.com
Breaking: DSM-5 hastily updated to account for Gregg Wallace’s underpants
In breaking news, the DSM-5 has been updated in the last 24 hours to include plausible deniability for Gregg Wallace, specifically. The manual, used by psychologists to diagnose a range of conditions...
![Scene is WAITROSE CUSTOMER SERVICES DESK. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone.
BECKY [on phone]:
Yeah, hiya...
2
BECKY:
Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs.
3
BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]:
Sorry what was your name again?
4
[Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.]
PAGAN GODDESS:
Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility
5
BECKY
Sorry -
Your name is Easter…?
PAGAN GODDESS:
Eostre.
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VICKY:
Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs.
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PAGAN GODDESS:
Sorry love, what’s your name?
BECKY:
Becky
PAGAN GODDESS:
Well, Vicky -
8
PAGAN GODDESS:
If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here -
TEENAGE BOY:
Muuum…
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PAGAN GODDESS:
….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too!
10
PAGAN GODDESS:
Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival!
11
BECKY:
You mean… Jesus…?
PAGAN GODDESS:
I mean shagging, Vicky.
12
PAGAN GODDESS:
Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4?
TEENAGE BOY:
MUUUUM](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiei7pigtocoghwiww3vhhm4lj2os2ifvc7yzggcj7jn6gresjpdkq)
