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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman.bsky.social
8.9K followers 538 following 15K posts

Former internet celebrity. Former journalist. Current human author and @apiln.bsky.social Supreme Leader. Ally. fizzandnonsense.bsky.social completes me.

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 9h
cop: license and registration please me: (hands him uno reverse card) license and registration please cop: ah man
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 11h
“Forsooth Lady Macbeth, my hound is possessed by the ghost of another, smaller hound. Please help me rid of this foul shade!” “Out damn Spot! Out, I say!”
Sign on a gate: housing pendle
THE PLAYING OF BALL GAMES
RIDING OF CYCLES * °
EXORCISING OF DOGS STRICTLY PROHIBITED
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Those 6,000 Croatian kids they let in to see their side beaten 7-0 by England got a valuable lesson in despair tonight. Well done, the authorities.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
#KimJongUnTrouserWatch Difficulty Level: Where’s Wally, except Wally’s in the gulag
Kim Jong Un posing with many hundreds of staff members from Kim Il Sung University.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
#DayOfDredd
Judge Dredd, on a jetski, on very hard drugs, from a story in Judge Dredd magazine.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Angry People in Local Newspapers @apiln.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
New Zealanders living up to New Zealand 🇳🇿 national stereotype. (Contains bad swears)
thespinoff.co.nz
Kiwibank is desperately trying to stop people saying they want to fuck its sheep mascot
But for every lustful post killed by a legal threat, another 10 take its place.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
FACT: There are no original members of The Bootleg Beatles in the current line-up of The Bootleg Beatles.
Trigger’s broom.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
There’s been a murder. Hooray!! #CelebrityTraitors
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Scott Bryan @scottygb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
To Rob Beckett. Incredible. #CelebrityTraitors
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Angry People in Local Newspapers @apiln.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
FARTGATE: Tomorrow’s Lancashire Telegraph is an absolute joy to behold. Buy it. Treasure it. Leave it to your grandchildren. #BuyALocalNewspaper
Lancs Telegraph front page: A POINT
OF ODOUR
Reform councillor 'broke wind
towards rival' during meeting.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
The village where I grew up. Some sort of sexy trap that would have Worzel spinning in his grave.
WANT TO ENTER A SCARECROW?
SIGN UP BY MONDAY 5TH
OCTOBER.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Dan Thomas @itsdanthomas.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
The most disappointing video you’ll see today.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
The Ranty Highwayman @rantyhighwayman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Man jailed for 15 years over ULEZ camera explosion. news.met.police.uk/news/man-jai...
static.klipy.com
Danielhadadlover Galit
Alt: A man has a large graph drawn on the wall with find out up the side and fuck about along the bottom with a straight line going up to the top right. There is a caption "as you can see, the more you fuck around, the more you're gonna find out".
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Delia, a dug is here.
Delia, a brown Jack Russell Terrier.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
…said Ford Prefect, but with air running out, Arthur Dent continued to panic.
STAY COOL FRUIT MAT.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
If you see this, post a vampire that isn't Dracula.
Jacob Rees Mogg and Nanny. Both bloodsucking undead.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Gwant Mitchell’s paranoia #CelebrityTraitors
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
JD Vance’s sofa just turned up on Marketplace.
Sofa Cum Bed - For Sale
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
KEMP #CelebrityTraitors
Ross Kemp only with a massively inflated head.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Claudia’s fringe. By the end of the series it’s going to be down to her chin. #Traitors
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
#KimJongUnTrouserWatch There is a LOT going on down there.
Kim Jong Un making a speech. Huge trousers.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Walked the dog to England. It’s still there.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Liberated this from Facebook
Worf and his feckless son. 

One day, lad, all this will be yours.
What, the curtains?
No, not the curtains, lad.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Andy Smith @johnneptune.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Hard to imagine how many lives esther rantzen saved with setting up childline. And she gave us a dog that could say sausages. Glad she's found peace, her's was a life well lived
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
christhebarker @christhebarker.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The most memorable piece of work advice I was ever given was "Just go and hide in the toilets"
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
We have bought a nice little hedgehog house from a company that cannot spell hedgehog, nor can it spell Swindon.
Hedgeoge. Swinodn.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Meanwhile, in extremely smooth necked family photos: (L-R) Turkmenistan President Serdar Berdimuhamedov, Daghan (a horse), Kerimguly Berdimuhamedov (Serdar’s son - if you look really closely he’s really there), Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov.
As described.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Neil Norman And His Cosmic Orchestra @fubsyshabaroon.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
“Tap, tap, tap at the window. Bloody AI Greta Garbo, trying to sell me ball bearings.”
Pete and Dud.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Real music is made with soul. AI music is made by arseholes.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Writing my will, and realise that my mind is so full of useless crap that i couldn’t remember how to spell eugoogoly properly.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
thepokeuk.bsky.social @thepokeuk.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
25 of the Funniest Posts We’ve Seen on Bluesky This Week www.thepoke.com/2026/09/30/2...
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Arsenal were so bad at Brighton last week, the performance was the starting point for an actual rescue mission. www.devonlive.com/news/devon-n...
devonlive.com
'Rubbish' Arsenal result led to life-saving Devon mud rescue
Alastair Cass from Chumleigh had walked outside following the football score when he heard a strange noise in the valley
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Find Out Stage latest. www.kentonline.co.uk/news/nationa...
kentonline.co.uk
Danny Tommo in custody ahead of trial next year accused of slashing Channel boat
The 37-year-old appeared via videolink from prison for a hearing at Portsmouth Crown Court.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I am in a church and this altar cloth is clearly the insignia of the Klingon Empire. I’m sure Revered Gowron has a perfectly reasonable explanation.
An altar cloth that looks suspiciously like Klingons made it.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Small child. Pink moon. Portobello (Edinburgh by the Sea)
As described.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Half-arsed theory: Diesel’s hit £2/litre. The suspects were in vans for a fake fuel company. They were off to siphon off a load of red diesel from farms, weren’t they?
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Turkmenistan President Serdar Berdimuhamedov with the look of a man who has won a trouser press on Bully’s prize board, only to immediately lose it.
Serdar Berdimuhamedov marking the 35th year of Turkmenistan’s independence, of which he is the third dictator in that time.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Nice one Donald, you total shitheel.
bbc.co.uk
UK diesel price hits all-time high, RAC says
The US-Israel war with Iran has caused fuel prices to soar.
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Reposted by Alistair Coleman
Mar Hicks @histoftech.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I love that we can run a whole economy on this
Meme: source? I made it up
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Just told a packet of crisps to fuck off.
Doritos PROTEIN sizzling steak flavour. The word PROTEIN is MASSIVE.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Dentist: That’ll be seventy pounds please Me: Beg your pardon? Dentist: Seventeen pounds Ah, NHS Dentistry.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
No she’s not.
TLS: Mary Beard on the Bayeux Tapestry.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Popped over to Twitter to see what the lunatics are saying about the RAF Fairford thing, and BINGO they’re all saying it’s a false flag. The words “a confederacy of dunces” just popped into my brain.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
“Tomorrow and tomorrow and fucking tomorrow” … the famous monologue about Sunday night dread.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Happy 12th anniversary to this immensely important editorial in Britain’s newspaper of record, the [checks notes] Sunday Sport.
Editorial in the Sunday Sport: 

SUNDAY Sport likes to remain above the squabbles and spats which often divide our tired old
Fleet Street rivals.
We serve our readers, not the petty rivalries of editors or proprietors.
But we are today forced to join a debate after our very integrity was questioned by The Guardian.
And the heated issue is the spelling
of the word "BELLEND".
This left-wing,
loss-making house
journal of Britain's chattering classes recently updated its style guide - the manual which tells its journalists how to spell certain oft-misspelt words.
In defiance of common sense and common decency Guardian bigwigs have decreed their galley slaves spell out bellend as "bell-end"
They
may find
this bohemian
departure from orthodoxy "challenging" but it is a direct assault on the English language.
Do not forget, the teachers of Britain suckle at the teat of The Guardian like hungry puppies.
This misspelling of bellend will be forced into the easily-moulded minds of our nation's schoolchildren.
The
Guardian.
Wrong about everything. Always.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I see the English are at it again. #TheFootball
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Are you sure, Kew?
Facebook advert from Kew Gardens. 

“Cosy up this autumn”

It’s a Niwaki garden knife.
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Who let the England band in, ffs #TheFootball
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Well well. SOMEONE has read the memo about Coleman’s Law of Right Hammerings. Eight second half goals and no quarter given.
Ross Co 14-0 Hearts II
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Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
DELIA, A DOG IS COMING
Delia, a dog. A very young brown Jack Russell Terrier.
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