Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 23/06/2026My daughter figured out how to spell "Peppa and George" 000
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 09/04/2026My new thing instead of pilfering game cards and forgetting to ever put them back is custom one-off bookmarks (My ongoing thing is too many books) 000
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 30/08/2023RE starlight you sent 1500 years ago: sorry, just seeing this 41021321
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 20/03/2026One-time-only opportunity for Project Hail Barbie, which way do you do it 010
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 04/10/2025Fool me once in a lifetime, shame on David Byrne Fool me once, twice, three times? Shame on Lionel Richie 0142
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 15/09/2025Parenthood is watching your almost-2 delicately insert peas into the tube of her squeezy applesauce, and saying "Hey, that's pretty good fine-motor" 000
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 22/07/2025Someone who is good at the occult please help me, what is my daughter summoning 2174
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 27/02/2025My daughter (3) going through the records: I want this one. "Boys and Hands" 060
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 31/12/2024Why love someone platonically when you can love them plate-tectonically (as two crustal masses, colliding with, sliding under, and moving past one another) 31458114
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 18/12/2024PIZZA GUY: Lemme read that back. I take the third right, second left, fifth left, second right, fourth left. Don't touch the seventh stone after the statue with the trident. Square door if there's a breeze from the east, round door otherwise MINOTAUR: No, no 14514
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Face down, Ass up, That my friends, Is a feeding duck 1285
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀KarateAndPopTarts @karateandpoptarts.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Little ditty Bout Mike and Jo-ann Two competing craft stores in America's heartland Mikey gonna sell art with a mason ja-ar Joann make a quilt for the back seat of the car Smock on 65319
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 15/12/2024You can get "wealth" by taking liberties with "the law" 011
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 12/12/2024Hiring a Latin band to play loudly outside the office just as your rival begins his presentation is mariachiavellian 041
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 12/12/2024Me: Give it to me straight, doc Doctor: ANEMIA. LEAKY VALVE. ENZYME FAIL. FATAL WITHIN A WEEK Me: Now give it to me curvy Doctor: BOGUS BUG, BRO. GROSS CRUD. DO DRUGS, SO GOOD POOP OCCURS. GO DO DOC PROUD, DOG 132
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 11/12/2024murderer: [looking murderly at me] me: [holds up steaming mug that says Do Not Even Think Of Murdering Me Before I’ve Had My Coffee] murderer: [holds up steaming mug that says I Can’t Read] 49821
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 10/12/2024"For sale: baby shoes, never worn" Reasonably verbose? He frowns (this is an anagram) 020
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 07/12/2024are there a lot of first person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me? 20522119
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Holy infant so tender and mild, so succulent and flavorsome, so juicy and melt-in-the-mouth 23489120
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 06/12/2024unnecessary syllabificational optimization (a haiku) 031
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 04/12/2024You know it's authentic Russian porn when a lady takes off her clothes to reveal an identical, slightly smaller lady 641592
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 05/12/2024ME: Is it true, if you die in the Matrix, you die in real life? USED CAR SALESMAN: Again, the Toyota Matrix is a very real car 111122
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 04/12/2024Bluey-heads will understand why I laughed to read the end of this chapter while watching Sticky Gecko 000
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 04/12/2024in your moment of greatest peril, every animal you ever swerved to avoid appears to fight on your behalf 1436375
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 04/12/2024I like the term “loanword” because it implies the word will need to be returned at some point. “Café” is due back to the French in three days. The fines on “raccoon” have really been piling up with the Algonquin so make sure to return that this week 13636194
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 04/12/2024[1969] MARCIA: We're married! GEORGE LUCAS: My beautiful fourth wife MARCIA: what GEORGE: Yes, later I will have three wives that come before you, nine total. I won't be involved with the last three. This is a normal way 0366
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 04/12/2024Cookie Monster is a great example of om nom nominative determinism 072
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 03/12/2024ME *enjoying a pizza*: Mmm, just what the doctor ordered {knock, knock} ME *opening door*: Hello? DOCTOR: Do you have my pizza? 8887139
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Everyone knows "eXamine Your Zipper" but in fact the whole alphabet is good for this: Undies Visible, Warning Quick! Reliably Shut Trousers A Beautiful Cock—Doesn't Exactly Feel Great How It Just Kinda Looms Majestically iN Our Peripheral 000
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 02/12/2024EXOTIC LADY: In my land, we add "-ry" to the end of every sentencery ME: Fascinating, how many people live in your country? EXOTIC LADY: *slaps me hard in the face* 011
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 02/12/2024There are two wolves inside of you There are two vowels inside of "you" 0103
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀karanormal activity 💜 @deadontheoutside.bsky.social · 28/11/2024welcome to self-cloning club... first of all, make yourselves at home 14440107
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀more mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 29/11/2024jellyfish look so elegant compared to other types of goo 426038
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 25/11/2024date: I think we’ve actually met before Picasso: sorry I’m not good with faces 14833133
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 21/11/2024[invention of doors] what if, wall, but only sometimes? 221458
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 24/11/2024ME: Boy, the upstairs neighbors sure are noisy tonight WIFE: Y—wait, we live in a house ME: *remembering my promise to the brotherhood of dancing chimney sweeps* Boy, sure is windy tonight, is what I meant to say 1102
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 14/11/2024🎶 I wish I was a little koala I wish I was smaller I wish I had a tree with good food I would crawl there 323165
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Uncle Jeff 🌈 @picklerudd.bsky.social · 26/06/2023It's the Eye of the tiger It's the organ of sight Cuz this Cat has to see For survival 16923
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 27/06/2023ME *traps wasp under a cup* MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME: *appears & sets down 2 more cups* ME: no MAGICIAN GHOST: *starts to shuffle them* 13828208
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 21/11/2024Toys and the Bluey characters my daughter claims they are, a thread 272
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Boo lettuce @lettuce.bsky.social · 15/10/2024David Lynch called me again last night, desperate. "What's another weird thing??" I dunno man, a toilet that argues. Lose my number 5489101
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 05/10/2024Hi-C is short for Hello-Clarice 932772
Thomas Brendel 🔀 @thesolemnbard.bsky.social · 18/11/2024MY SON, LINK: How did you name us, Dad? Did you name me after your favorite video game hero? MY DAUGHTER, PATTI: And me after your favorite art rock singer? MY OTHER SON, GROUND: And me after your favorite surface for standing on? ME: *swallowing sausage* Well see— 1287
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀Elle @elleisanisland.bsky.social · 16/11/2024music is really loud math 1524605630
