iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

my second last sentence on deathbed: the smoke and sound of sizzling fajitas. my last sentence on deathbed: work that into the funeral

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futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 06/01/2025

practically impossible to order eggs over easy by walkie talkie

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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

[parallel universe in which thetis held achilles by his ass when she dipped him in the river styx] me: yeah i'd have to say that math is my achilles ass

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

Good for Michael Caine, enjoying his retirement

A news headline with a picture of Michael Caine that reads "Florida Man, 85, Accused of Driving 110MPH in Illegal Street Race"

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

date: I grew up in Boston so I say "wicked" instead of "very" me: what a coincidence I got us tickets to very

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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

Orson Welles: I worked with Grogu. Not in film you see but on the stage. Brilliant performer but a cruel disgusting wretch of a soul. Interviewer: Pourrions-nous parler de Citizen Kane à la place, s'il vous plaît ? Welles: yes he did sell out his friends to HUAC, I will never forgive him for that

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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 25/04/2026

my “eat whatever you want but only using chopsticks with your non-dominant hand“ diet is going great. I just finished yesterday’s lunch

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 15/04/2026

YOU: erotically ties knot in cherry stem using only your tongue ME: sticks yukon gold potato up my ass and it pops straight back out peeled and boiled

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 26/09/2025

[Me as a police detective] COP: My god, you just dropped that guy into a trash compactor! ME: Looks like he *dramatically putting on sunglasses* won't be testifying in the big trial oh wow I really messed up guys

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 09/01/2025

Me: Should I eat burritos for the third night in a row Magic 8 Ball: MY REPLY IS NO Me: Burritos it is

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 16/09/2025

Why was U afraid of X? Cause X GON' GIVE IT TO U

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dustin Couch @dustinkcouch.bsky.social · 08/08/2025

the reason you shouldn't yell "fire" in a theater is because i am trying to watch a movie

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 29/07/2025

If the Trader Joe’s crew member doesn’t say, “ooh these are really good,” about several of your items as they ring them up, you have completely blown it as a customer

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 23/07/2025

me seeing friend buying two hot dogs: two huh? ol double dog. the two dog kid. friend who remembers when I tried to eat healthy in 2017: ok lentils

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

I like my coffee like I like my women: Full of human bones

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 02/07/2025

WIFE: Look I don't want to talk about this ME: Our marriage is in trouble, you can't just roll over and play dead, Sharon ALEXA: Okay, playing Ed Sheeran

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 20/06/2025

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD: so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past TATTOO ARTIST: ...

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

My brother was in a class once and a guy who needed a piece of paper asked him "dude, can I borrow a slice of pape?" and that's how my brother met the coolest person who ever lived

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 18/03/2025

ME: *pistol in my belt* You think I can throw four silver dollars in the air and shoot them all? WIFE: *watching Friends* Whatever TV: 🎶 So no one told you life was gonna be this waaaay 🎶 ME: *throwing the coins*

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 13/03/2025

more lessons = less morons

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

THE ANAGRAM KILLER: If you ever want to see your family again, you have ten seconds to anagram the word... "dictation" ME: *sobbing* I can't do it

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 14/02/2025

roses are red violets are blue if you ignore the first line this is a haiku

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Elle @elleisanisland.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

my best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we're both still single at 40 we'll hunt each other for sport

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 09/01/2025

me: hey how's it goin them: not much you me: that's nice them: i will me: you too

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 09/01/2025

Me: Should I eat burritos for the third night in a row Magic 8 Ball: MY REPLY IS NO Me: Burritos it is

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 05/01/2025

ME: Okay so, funny story, I thought "deadly sins" meant you had to do them or you die ST. PETER: Yeah we were all wondering

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 02/01/2025

FRIEND: It says here scientists have discovered the toughest man on Earth ME: Hold my beer. The cold is hurting my fingers

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 30/12/2024

Took down the tree (roundhouse kick)

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 20/12/2024

[hard-boiled detective voice-over] I arrived at the opossum's funeral -- nobody was buying it

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Andrew Chamings @andrewchamings.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

[Me as a Musketeer] *I chop the chandelier down with my sword and ride the rope up to the ceiling, then I'm just stuck up there*

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

at the train station intercepting blown kisses and spiking them into the ground

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 13/12/2024

time to rate some sums of money $100: classic amount of money $0.55: not very much $320.13: not bad $2.02: i think you can do a little better than that, don't you $74,000,000: huge amount of money $74,000,100: just when i thought it couldn't get any better! $16: sure -$7230: you GOTTA be kidding me

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 13/12/2024

*running down the street in the snow* Merry Christmas Bedford Falls! Merry Christmas Taco Bell! Merry Christmas 24 Hour Fitness! Merry Christmas you wonderful ol' Verizon Store!

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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 11/12/2024

Amazon: you order has been placed Me: great thanks Amazon: your order has been prepared Me: cool Amazon: your order is being put in the truck Me: it's ok I don't need an update on every step Amazon: the driver just buckled his seatbelt

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kacisuewho.bsky.social @kacisuewho.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

I've updated the Halloween decorations to Christmas decorations

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

[one month before Mary gives birth] JOSEPH: I wonder why Toyota is offering such savings

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Andrew Nadeau @theandrewnadeau.bsky.social · 28/04/2023

time traveler: i love your volcano pompeiian: our what? time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain

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Jon @arfmeasures.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

Cop: you're going to prison for forgery Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now

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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

Probably the best time in history to be a mathematician was around 600 BC when you could get rich just for discovering triangles

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

They say man is the most dangerous game but I sure got beat up a lot in chess club

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

*Slipping $20 to mall Santa* Hey could you check my gutters when you're up there

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Jeffistall @jeffistallguy.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

And that’s when I stopped telling the first half of my stories

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

ME: Mother and I aren't speaking anymore DATE ABOUT TO FIND OUT MOTHER IS THE NAME OF MY PET TURTLE: Aw that's too bad

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Boo lettuce @lettuce.bsky.social · 07/07/2023

Dad: Thanks for cleaning up your room, Emily. Unlike certain other children of mine, who will remain nameless. Son: *eyes welling up* Please give me a name, I'm 17

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

I love how one of the three wise men brought a chest of gold and the other two went to Yankee Candle

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Andrew Fowler @fowlerism.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

EXOTIC LADY: In my land, we add "-ry" to the end of every sentencery ME: Fascinating, how many people live in your country? EXOTIC LADY: *slaps me hard in the face*

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 03/07/2023

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

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