Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 01/10/2026SPORTS NEWS: Angel Reese claims Jack Smith likes her too 000
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 13/09/2026I know it's National Grandparents Day but, heck, I'm gonna give a shout out to all the regional and local grandparents as well! 1134
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 12/09/2026COP: You were speeding back there ME *handing over $5000* COP: Uh... is this a bribe? ME: Let's just call it a "dividend" COP: The fine is only $80 0101
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 11/09/2026[interview] BOSS: You don't seem to have any experience in our industry ME: I'd like to offer you a $5000 dividend 091
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 11/09/20269/11 was a difficult day for many and I'm referring to the birth of @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social Happy Birthday, Tony!! 121
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026BREAKING: Trump announces North America to be renamed America America 8394
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 04/09/2026When I was a kid, a food recall was when you thought fondly about grandma's rhubarb pie. 150
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 28/08/2026⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 🤠 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 👇 💰 🇨🇦 👇💰 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 👢 👢 howdy, i'm the canadian tariff sheriff.... again 073
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 04/08/2026I just went to see The Odyssey and, as a literature aficionado, I'm glad they mostly stayed true to Shakespeare's original text. 070
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 12/07/2026More like found rotting in a Ditch McConnell amirite??! [Oops, had this one locked and loaded and pressed send accidentally] 0142
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 04/07/2026We don't have a "4th of July" in Canada so see you Sunday. 020
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 29/06/2026Now that the world's soccer superpowers (Brazil, Canada) have secured their spot in the Round of 16, let's see what other schlubs get through. 0110
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 29/06/2026*kicks the can* *kicks up a fuss* *kicks the habit* *kicks some ass* *kicks up a stink* *kicks the bucket* *gets cut from the soccer team* 031
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 28/06/2026[team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach!! Coach: This is soccer. 130
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 23/06/2026[School band tryouts] ME: They say I have perfect pitch TEACHER: Oh really? Show us what you got *I throw a baseball right into the tuba* 0153
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 21/06/2026KID: Where's grandma? DAD: She's in a better place now KID: Canada? 0141
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 16/06/2026[blind date] HER:What's your biggest goal in life? ME: Hm, that's a tough one but probably 8th grade…soccer. I headed one right in the net 0302
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 16/06/2026Mbappé is my favorite French soccer player/Hanson song. 45712
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 14/06/2026In Australia, the toilet paper unfurls behind the roll. 2100
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 13/06/2026[alien singles bar] ALIEN GUY: Hi ALIEN GIRL: My eyes are way over there 081
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 12/06/2026If you play Beethoven's 5th Symphony backwards you are playing it the wrong way. 1407
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 09/06/2026ME (as a police sketch artist): Is this him?... 0100
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 05/06/2026DARYL HALL VOICE: 🎵 Oh-oh, here she comes, she's a man voter...🎶 0191
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 27/05/2026My old Swedish car is starting to break down but I won't bore you with my Saab stories. 0212
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 25/05/2026Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it. 0121
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 22/05/2026I know it's World Goth Day but I'd like to give a shout out to all the local and regional Emos. 060
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 19/05/2026If you or a loved one has been convicted of seditious conspiracy, you may be entitled to financial compensation. 1568
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 10/05/2026A young Garfield watches from under a porch as his mother is ripped to shreds by a stray pit bull. It was a Monday. 1141
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 08/05/2026ME: Let me get this straight...you're saying my knee-bungle-bingle is starting to tingle, which means my sacra-ma-bilic has gone full arthritic? Are you even a doctor? DR. SEUSS: Your question is good, and I do have an answer, but first let me finish, you also have cancer. 1257
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 06/05/2026Cinco de Mayo is barely over and they're already playing Ocho de Junio music at the mall. 0111
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 06/05/2026RICKY MARTIN: 🎶 Livin' la Vida Loca...🎵 ME: In this economy?! 171
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 01/05/2026[shoe store] ME: Do you have alligator shoes? CLERK: Sorry, we consider that to be animal cruelty {outside} ALLIGATOR: So did you get them? ME: Uh...they didn't have your size 212927
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 22/04/2026Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: … Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’ Moon: … Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate Moon: whatever 16515
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 20/04/2026ME: I'd like to buy an onion ring CLERK: Ok, here you go {later...} ME *on one knee*: Will you marry me? ONION: OMG this is so sudden! 082
Reposted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosTodd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 27/03/2026REPORTER: What surprised you most about the Strait of Hormuz? TRUMP: It's actually crooked. Nobody knew that. 1172
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 12/04/2026ME: Did you know that koalas have fingerprints almost identical to humans? COP: We also have footage of you crawling through the window. 3468101
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 08/04/2026GIRLFRIEND: Did you sleep with my sister? INSOMNIAC: No 0385
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 06/04/2026Happy Tartan Day and best wishes to all of the Scottish Clans, except of course for the despised Sawney Bean Clan! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!! 132
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 05/04/2026[33 A.D. Roman Province] PREFECT: How's business? PONTIUS: Well prophets are down. PREFECT: That's great. 191
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 05/04/2026RABBIT HUSBAND: You look even better after a full day of work. I don't know how you do it, honey. RABBIT WIFE: They test cosmetics on me. 310110
Reposted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosTodd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 25/03/2024[Jerusalem] MARY: They've taken Jesus from his tomb SIMON: Maybe they gave him Upjesus MARY: What's Upjesus? JESUS {risen}: Not much, w— 019759
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 04/04/2026[blind date] HER: I hate woke people ME {trying to impress her}: zzzzz 071
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 02/04/2026Is that a basketball under your shirt or were you happy to see me nine months ago? 081
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 30/03/2026Ironically, the man who discovered copper, a Neolithic human who lived over 10,000 years ago (around 9000 BCE) in Southeast Anatolia, died penniless. 8515
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 27/03/2026REPORTER: What surprised you most about the Strait of Hormuz? TRUMP: It's actually crooked. Nobody knew that. 1172
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 17/03/2026Bitcoin was invented by Irish funeral director, Crypt O'Currency. 0103
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 15/03/2026If you soak your DNA in whiskey before testing, you'll be able to wear a "Kiss me I'm Irish" t-shirt on Saint Patrick's Day. 161
