iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 02/09/2025

Me: Your profile said you had a piercing. Her: That’s a typo. It’s supposed to say “piercing scream.”

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 27/05/2023

In space, no one can hear you scream. In cyberspace, no one can shut you up.

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 26/08/2023

I thought I'd miss Twitter when I deleted my account but I soon learned how to shout irrational, angry nonsense at strangers in the street and type 'Pornhub' into a web browser, and suddenly it was like I'd never left.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 02/09/2023

This day in history. 1985. It was announced that the Titanic had been found after 73 years and Ronald Reagan decisively ordered a search for survivors.

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Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 02/09/2025

When a situation becomes more serious we should start calling it a "standuation" because somebody should probably get up and do something about it.

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Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

*evening news* Anchor: Tonight, we are joined by an expert who will sum up the situation. Welcome, Dr. Smith. So, what can you tell us? Dr. Smith: Thanks Bob. Basically, it's all gone fucky. Everything.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

A situationship is the only ship that never knows where it is or where it’s going.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 09/12/2024

People who ignore me just haven’t learned to make the best of a bad situation.

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Brick's House 🍁 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 02/09/2025

[Jumping roundhouse kick] I plead "crazy for Swayze" your honour [Judge covering mic, murmuring to stenographer] Am I still allowed to give The Chair

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 02/09/2025

“Quiet night, Jimmy?” “Yeah. You want that topped off?” “Not just yet, thanks.” “Mind if I put on the TV?” “Anything but the fucking news.”

A Shiba Inu sits at a bar, a glass of white whine and a full ashtray in front of them.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬 is my favorite song about a certain city in the northeastern U.S. but I’m not going to tell you which one. You have to guess.

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

I want to live, laugh, smother someone with an inspirational pillow

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

In honor of Labor Day I’m dilated to 5 centimeters.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

ffs manuel

A sign that says "AUTOMATIC DOORS! DO NOT TRY TO OPEN OR CLOSE THE DOORS MANUEL."

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

“Good morning, my little minions.”

A partially rotting tomato, looking very much like a frightening face, faces a plate of cherry tomatoes.

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Brick's House 🍁 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

My upstairs neighbours at 6 am: AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE CEREMONIAL REARRANGING OF THE BOULDERS

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

I just figured out how to deal with a situation that I was thrown into in 1978.

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

In any conflict situation I'll always try to be the bigger man. Mind you, given my many years of overeating that’s not exactly a challenge.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 01/09/2025

Visualizing your goals makes them easier to abandon.

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 05/01/2025

[Galilee AD17, around dinner time] Mary: you are not going out until your room’s tidy Jesus: aw mom, dad said I can be messy Joseph: nice try son, I said you may well be the Messiah but you can still clean your room Jesus: I hate you, you’re not even my real dad!

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I’ve spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Missed connection. It's just as well.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

I understand that, when my dog stops on our walks to sniff every goddamn twig and each freakin’ blade of grass, she is decoding, deciphering, and analyzing the complicated world around her, but what I can’t quite figure out is exactly what she plans on doing with that information.

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Wonder Kitten @wonderkitten.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Roasting my kid by telling him I hope his workday is fast and easy like his mom 👀

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Northern Lights TO @northernlightsto.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Me: Well, I'm no expert. Him: But? Me: But what?

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Regular Sunday: ugh tomorrow is Monday. Holiday Monday Sunday: I am immortal. Nothing can hurt me.

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inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

I only wear cargo shorts because i can fit a Rotisserie Chicken into each pocket

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Amish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

BREAKING: Trump calls ESPN demanding he be nominated for the Heisman Trophy.

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inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Just once i'd like to see a shark wearing people tooth jewellery

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 06/09/2024

I'd like to think that I’ve learnt so well from past mistakes that I’ll be able to repeat them perfectly every single time.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

They 𝘔𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 Be Giants? I mean, that’s a little imprecise considering that the lives of us all could well depend upon the answer.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 31/08/2023

This day in history. 1974. "The Partridge Family" television show ended its run but when will the nightmares end?

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

Sorry I’m late, I was just sexting with my wife. Well, when I say sexting I mean I texted asking her to Q-tip my ears for me before my appointment with my doctors later, but I did add a kiss.

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

A tragic love story where we spend our whole lives hiding from each other because we are scared of what it means to give away pieces of ourselves.

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 29/08/2025

I sleep on my side to give ghosts the option of little or big spoon

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 30/08/2025

Well, well, well. If it isn’t exactly what I asked for and more or less what I deserve.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

“Whoosagubboy?!?”

An alligator is climbing out of what appears to be a pool and seems to be smiling.

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Brick's House 🍁 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 31/08/2025

(Me, relaxing on the couch) My cat: hi i'm here to walk on your nuts

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 30/08/2025

you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now

A striped cat appears to be “yelling” at a kitten with the exact same coloring. The kitten’s eyes are wide open and their ears pinned back.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

Text “STOP” to activate Hammer Time.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

ME: What’s in the bag? FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid. ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine. FRIEND: Well, you know- ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine. FRIEND: ... ME: What’s in the bag?

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

Me: Could you please pass the goth fairy dust? Her: …That’s black pepper.

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stabke @stabke.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

The part you save for last when doing a chalk outline of a naked guy

Detroit Tigers shortstop Trey Sweeney (Trace Weenie)

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

“Sorry ladies, things got a little bumpy back there. If you want, we can turn around and go look for ‘em.”

Black and white photo of the front of a bus mounted with a rack holding empty baby strollers. The driver appears to be chatting with the two women standing there.

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

My nephew kept shouting "Higher!" while I was pushing him on the swing and, long story short, I need onto your roof.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

Genetic evidence from an ancient wolf bone discovered on the tundra in Siberia reveals that wolves and dogs split from their common ancestor at least 27,000 years ago. From this DNA, scientists have formed an approximate composite of this long-extinct species.

A goofy dog, a wolf, a photoshop of the two combined.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 05/07/2025

“The mothership has returned. Gather your things and inform the others.”

Two orange cats standing upright on a bed, with a framed photo of children on the wall in the background. A bright light through the window is reflected on the wall.

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stabke @stabke.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

Chase Daniel was a pretty good QB for a dude named after the Kobra Kai’s favorite thing to do.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

My body is a temple. My soul is a crumpled parking ticket. My wallet is a ghost mall. My digestive tract is a drive thru. My sex life is an abandoned convenience store. I could do this all day.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 06/07/2025

I would start a cult if it weren't for the paperwork.

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