iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

Wife: *walks into kitchen at 5am* Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

posting "Listen up, shitewhistles. Here's how you cook a Thanksgiving turkey without all the fuckery. Affix thy seatbelts and prepare for amazeballs." after cooking a thanksgiving turkey for the first time in my life that frankly was not very good

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

Four out of five dentists: *agree* Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop

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ceej @ceej.online · 28/11/2024

pouring the blue gatorade in the toilet bowl so my guests know I cleaned

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Me: I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time. Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

This is my most successful post. I clearly don’t understand how this website works.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Incoming president builds his own monument

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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

I kept hearing my cat chewing last night under the bed and finally I checked it out and he had been eating an entire box of Cheez It’s

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

[being murdered] murderer: *murdering* me: fyi this is illegal murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Random person (trying to get my attention): *waves* Hey! Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

I eat the silica gel packs first so they don’t get in the way of my snacking.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Since I’m a small account, my followers get more personal attention. Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich. Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver! Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

It’s wild how there’s more misinformation now than ever before. Back before the internet, someone would just say something, and everyone believed them. Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible! Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Don’t forget to leave corn out for the holiday turkey the night before Thanksgiving, or it won’t leave any giblets under your tree.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

An edible Christmas tree with edible ornaments. Just eat the whole thing by New Year’s Eve or it dissolves into a poisonous gas.

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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

*gets last year’s turkey out of the attic*

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

I keep hearing about juice but I never got one

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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Number 18: Swallet, the Wallet you Swallow to keep your money safe

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Swishergirl @swishergirl24.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Your secret is safe with me as long as it’s boring

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Me: I want you to want me Her: I do want you Me: I need you to need me Her: Where is this coming from? Me: I'd love you to love me Her: I love you very much. Wha— Me: I'm beggin' you to beg me Her: What the actual fuck!?

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Holiday shopping crowds make me catatonic. I would rather be torn apart by a pack of meth-addicted badgers than step foot in a store between now and Xmas.

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cait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social · 15/08/2023

me staring at myself in the little window for the entire zoom meeting

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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 17/08/2023

Standing perfectly still so I don't accidentally spend money

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 26/08/2024

If you do not play air drums to the big drum break during Phil Collins "In The Air Tonight," then you can get the hell out of the car and walk the rest of the way.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

SON: Happy Honda Days ME: We celebrate a Lexus December to Remember in this house, go to your room SON: *crying* I HATE YOU ME: *yelling up stairs* BLASPHEMER

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Magnum, T.I.(M.) @hydrationchimp.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

you can no longer build a city on rock&roll, due to more strict zoning laws

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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

morpheus: do you want the blue or red pill me: i doubt either of these are covered by my insurance

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

Bluesky disputes can be resolved by single combat according to the terms of service.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

A Starter Pack but it’s filled with angry bees

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

There’s more where this came from

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

Me: *gets my flu shot* Flu: aww

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warrior cop @wyattprivilege.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

Just fluoridated another conservative child by blowdart. I can do this all 4 years

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

*Walks into an actual echo chamber* BALLS!

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

I’m going to open this quote just in case I ever accidentally plagiarize anyone for the life of this account “

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/10/2023

[hands corn maze guy $50] make sure I never come out

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

I have a bird in the hand and two in my bush… and one in my mouth, and another up my ass! and send

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Still no drafts on Bluesky? Where will I save all my shitty ideas?

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 06/07/2023

Saving drafts on Bluesky

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Almost everything I know, I learned against my will.

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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 17/11/2024

Trying to find a happy medium between not knowing anything that's happening in the world and being pissed off all the time

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 17/11/2024

*watching Air Bud with my 5-year old nephew* you know that dog’s dead now

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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

FIRST PERSON TO EAT A BANANA: hey quick come over here you gotta try this FIRST PERSON TO SLIP ON A BANANA PEEL: ok

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 16/06/2023

"He was a terrible soldier, but what a great attitude."

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

If you make a post and there are no followers to read it, is it still funny?

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

New show idea: Hunt Bobby Flay like big game.

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

One of those alien face monsters but for my genitals

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

Kid Rock named poet laureate by incoming administration

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Murdox @murdox.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

Cheers to the psychopath who first saw the coffea plant and thought, “I’m going to take the seeds out of these berries, roast them, grind them up, and pour hot water over them.” We salute you!

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