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Roxanne Paris the 1st

@classicroxanne.bsky.social
388 followers 537 following 563 posts

Part-time ice cream maker and full-time “What If?” machine. I like writing and death and cute stuff. I exist online at www.classicroxanne.com.

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Roxanne Paris the 1st
Claire Willett @clairewillett.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
begging with all my heart for more Democrats running in this election cycle to pick up what Jon Ossoff is putting down CALL 👏 THEM 👏 NAZIS 👏 TO 👏 THEIR 👏 FACE
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 31/08/2026
refreshing every tab on my computer over and over in the hope that one of the pages will suddenly read that all my physical and emotional needs have been permanently met
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Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 25/08/2026
i think america should have a bunch of rules that apply to everybody equally. i think the rules should be designed to discourage bad things from happening and punish the people responsible when they do. i would write the rules down where everybody can see them
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ONLY POEMS @onlypoemsmag.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
and i'm crying
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Todd Dillard @toddedillard.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I just love poems. Bad ones good ones OK ones, ones crumpled up in jeans pockets or settled like silt onto the bottom of an iPhone Note. I love that I have this feeling in my life that’s like devotion but the religion it’s tied to is just an effort by many ppl to find meaning and beauty.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
They should invent fast food that’s cheaper than normal food.
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Scott @scottydo16.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
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Andrew Hammond @ahamm.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Happy for this guy.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
“What matters is this: The United States government is profoundly worse for Mitch McConnell having had so much sway over it for so long — less efficient, less effective, less humane, and more corrupt.”
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
I miss Erling Haaland.
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Cohen is a Ghost @skullmandible.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
"how were people writing 10 page papers before AI???" we were smarter than you. you could've been smart, too. but you sold your brain for nothing
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
This is my favorite thing I've written for @mcsweeneys.net in a while. Hope you folks enjoy it! I think the headline pretty much clears up what it's about.
mcsweeneys.net
My Critics Are Missing the Nuance of My Membership in the Wealthy People Hunting Poor People for Sport Club
“Over the last couple of years, I’ve been focused on making a positive impact on how the future unfolds, especially in tech, AI, and which areas of the body ...
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404 Media @404media.co · 10/07/2026
NEW: Fiction written by AI is easy to detect because it struggles with complex story structure, according to a new study. Researchers found that AI fiction has tells that go beyond the overuse of em-dashes and other obvious AI tropes and have more to do with the formulaic nature of the text itself.
404media.co
AI Fiction Is Easy to Detect Because It's Stupid and Bad, Research Finds
ChatGPT uses too many dream sequences and Gemini won’t stop describing characters.
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I once ate a taco in Birmingham and today I need Mexico to avenge me
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Every. Single. Time.
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Eric Haywood @erichaywood.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
The security guard at the door:
Michael B. Jordan asking “Y’all Klan?” in SINNERS
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Jon Phillips @jowiph.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I would kill or die for Larry
A small operation in Oregon that hunts truffles with a trained dog has added an unpaid trainee. A cat named Larry accompanies the handler and the truffle dog into the woods every outing, works a patch of ground a little apart from them, and digs with tremendous confidence in places where there is nothing.
The handler says Larry has never found a truffle and shows no sign of understanding the assignment. He does not use scent the way the dog does and he does not respond when the dog makes a find.
He simply digs his own holes nearby and then inspects them. "He thinks he's on the team," the handler said. "He is emphatically not on the team."
TRUFFLE DOG FINDS THE TRUFFLES -
'TRAINEE' CAT DIGS RANDOM HOLES AND FINDS DIRT
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Amy @lolennui.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
the kelce bros tearfully disassembling their bunk bed
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Saw this yard sign yesterday and have thought of it about 200 times since then. The phrase “Cancer sucks. Bargains don’t” will stay with me forever.
Hot pink yard sale sign that says “HUGE DEAD HUSBAND
GARAGE SALE!
Cancer sucks. Bargains don’t. 
Tools
Friday 8-12
Saturday
lawn care
more tools!
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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
LEAVE HER ALONE
Graphic showing an arial shot of a woodland with dry river rock and trees and in the center is the famous missing giraffe from recent news. The text says “real county TX, CBS Austin- MISSING GIRAFFE FOUND “FAT AND HAPPY.”
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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Imagine if dogs knew there were bones inside them
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
I am Jack’s Inability To Explain The Offside Rule No Matter How Many Times It’s Explained To Me.
Edward Norton, holding a beer and wearing a Radiohead T-shirt is standing in a box seats suite at the US World Cup game, talking to Brad Pitt, who is wearing a US Jersey, sunglasses and a white bucket hat, vaguely resembling Hunter S. Thompson.
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another morgan @mheslin.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
Me if I refereed a World Cup game.
Shot of the the USA vs Australia World Cup game where a ref is lying on the green with a leg cramp and other refs/players are helping him stretch it out.
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Ghoul-in’ Dickey @colindickey.com · 15/06/2026
Never pass up a chance to share this story. There's always someone who hasn't heard it, always someone waiting to experience the joy of reading about it for the first time.
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 27/05/2026
AI is inevitable. That's why we're sneaking it into everything, hiding it in hard to find and turn off places, forcing it into products that don't need it, suddenly claiming old things we've always done is now done with AI. Because it's inevitable. You don't need to do all that when things aren't.
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Charlie Warzel @cwarzel.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
wake up babe the white house is a six flags
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a swarm of autumn bugs @facefullabugs.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got
Chapter 1 of Moby Dick, page 1 

The phrase ‘Call me Ishmael’, the first sentence of the book, is highlighted in blue, with careful highlighting on the very big C at the start. Above this, written in ballpoint pen ‘His name’
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Drew Magary @drewmagary.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
I wrote this! Hooray seniors! defector.com/wow-americas...
defector.com
Wow! America’s Graduating Seniors Really Fucking Hate AI! | Defector
As a rule, a college graduation is a miserable affair. If you’re an outgoing senior, you have wait around for hours on end in the sweltering heat, all while hungover and wearing a full-length black go...
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
Videos where graduates boo tone deaf speakers who are excitedly talking about how great ai is and then confused when they’re being booed? Pump it into my veins.
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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Imitation is the sincerest form of stealing my idea
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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
the year is 2026. a penile implant surgeon that runs a YouTube series called Erection Connection has been chosen by the Trump administration to handle the hantavirus outbreak. we’re all going to die.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Exactly this
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Three stills from 30 Rock with a doctor telling a man “you have no reflexes” “your blood tastes like root beer” and “some of your bones appear to have vanished”.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
I have lost years of my life repositioning and straightening the removable pads that come in sports bras and bathing suits.
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dillo saint dillo @dillo.media · 24/07/2024
just learned about beekeeping dogs who sniff out bad larvae 🥹
Weiner dog wearing a beekeeping suitgolden lab type dog wearing a beekeeping suitbrown lab type dog wearing a beekeeping suit
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Peter @notalawyer.bsky.social · 28/04/2026
has the new york times ever thought about doing a focus group with someone who has read a book
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
me (being murdered): hey i need to switch the laundry murderer (stops murdering): oh no you don't want that stuff sitting in the washer too long
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
I’ll allow it.
Screen shot of an article from delish
White Castle Wants To Sell You A Hot Slider From A Kiosk
The future is looking a lot more steamed, beefy, and convenient.
BY SEAN ABRAMS
APR 25, 2026
With a photo of a white building with White Castle signs.
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August J. Pollak @augustjpollak.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
The amount of misinformation we’re getting about an incident that just occurred in front of 1,500 news reporters is truly the metaphor of our generation.
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Topher Florence @topherflorence.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
social media was a wonderful brain toilet for every random half thought you didn't want to bother real people with before they decided to move all of society and infrastructure and government inside of the toilet
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Pete Volk @petevolk.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
another banner day for "if you didn't know sports were real, ESPN headlines would be crazy"
Top headlines: Tiger arrested on suspicion of DUI after crash. Sources: Sun sold, will relocate to Houston in '27
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
Saw your boyfriend driving downtown today.
White Chevy pickup truck with a personalized black and white Colorado plate that says “SMALWNR”.
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
i bet being in a pool is like jail for the water
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
Am I the only person who watched the Terminator movies?? I feel like I’m going insane.
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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]
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DrSinBin @drsinbin.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
I'm not joking when I say mRNA technology is more important than "AI" and it's a tragedy we're throwing billions into one while our government is aggressively defunding the other.
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Todd Dillard @toddedillard.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
New poem from me!!!!!!! Death!! Loquaciousness!! Phone calls!! Walmarts in the afterlife!!!!
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
A+ headline. defector.com/president-ex...
President, Extremely Normal Brain-Wise: Pope Weak on Crime, Also I’m Dr. Jesus Christ
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Mina Kimes @minakimes.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
I can't stop laughing at this post. It's perfect.
A guy asking ChatGPT to review a series of fart sound effects and getting a serious kiss ass response that calls it atmospheric
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