iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

RedruM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Don’t appreciate how each new October I recognize more and more ghosts.

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20h

People think the most time consuming part of preparing king prawns is peeling and deveining them, but it's actually sitting through all the tiny coronation ceremonies.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Oh you want me to be more emotionally available? Fine. I'm an open book. Specifically, I'm your open teenage diary. August 19th 1998. Josh accidentally spat some sandwich in my mouth when he laughed so I guess we've kissed now? It was ok.

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

guy who we used to call fish sticks and went on to become a doctor: hello me at high school reunion: what’s up fish sticks

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I don't know why my wife is so upset. The boat is literally called The SS *Not* Allison. It couldn't be any less named after my ex.

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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 05/10/2026

say what you will about nordic cinema. no matter which country, no matter what genre, setting, or tone, you're all but guaranteed to be made witness to some of the most beautiful, luxurious looking wool sweaters ever put on the silver screen

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Made a small repair to our bird table a few weeks ago and have since been comparing myself to a certain humble desert carpenter at every opportunity much to my wife's annoyance. You know who else's opinions were a frequent source of grievance to His peers...

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I love the stakes of medical dramas but have absolutely no tolerance of gore, so I think they should release a version of The Pitt for sensitive boys where they replace the close-ups of blood and wounds with cerebral terrors; puzzles, philosophical quandaries, things of that nature.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

[eating something at the Wonka factory even though I was explicitly warned not to] but it tastes just like a regular Reese's Cup [Behind Me] 🎵Oompa Loompa Doopity Deanut Allergy...🎵

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josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

At its core, chess is all about taking turns

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Must be so weird being an acting baby. You've absolutely no concept of fiction but they sign you up with the promise that some Muppet is going to teach you colours and shapes, maybe you'll meet Ms Rachel and then bam! suddenly you're being dragged into The Pitt while Noah Wyle tries to intubate you.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

if you're willing to do terrible things to a wool suit the dry cleaner will put a picture of you up on the wall even if you're not famous.

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slop enjoyer @slop.guru · 02/10/2026

in my culture it’s customary to stop at the fridge for a temporary snack on the way to the pantry for a long term snack

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

tired of self improvement can’t everyone else just get worse

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Most of the words I read are domesticated and raised in books and articles, but occasionally I find words out in the wild. These are my favourites.

A yellow wall, on which somebody has graffitied "DIRTY EGG SCENTED WRONG PERSON"

A large wall alongside a canal, on which someone has daubed in letters several feet high "LOVE ME"

A handmade sign on the side of a country lane on which someone has scrawled "PLEASE BEEP TO TRY MOVE THE STUPID BIRDS OUT THE WAY THANK YOU"

A brick wall on which somebody has spray painted in black letters the word "Teeth". There is no other context, perhaps it forms part of a territorial turf war between dentists?

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Sat next to a crying baby for the entire flight. I don't mind though. Feel like they were the only other passenger who truly grasped the unnatural horror of our undertaking. Man does not belong to the sky. The real monsters are those who remain silent.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

yeah, you name a baby andre the giant what did you think was gonna happen??

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

The fact that September is all that stands between August and October is ridiculous. Those are two very different states of being. Feel like there should be at least one more month in-between them to ensure a smooth handover.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

This was always my favourite of my tweets. Mostly because I got to use the word indelibly, a beautiful word not often wielded by boys who begin their working lives in their grandmother's bomb making factories.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Beach body season is officially over. It's time to embrace forest floor body season now. I wanna get real mossy. I want some teens to poke me with a stick.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Not often that I'm able to enjoy being an Englishman but last night I got chatting with the couple at the adjacent table while my wife had momentarily stepped away and on her return I got to introduce them as Chris and Nick from The Americas!

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Cinder (it/its) @dollcinder.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Fleetwood Mac was a CIA experiment to see if straight people could survive the average queer friend group dynamic

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

Paul Haine @paulhaine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

In a restaurant and timing my coughs with those of a louder man’s so nobody knows to get annoyed by me

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

For the most part I consider myself to be a precious and easily startled horse but on occasion I am possessed by the spirit of some rougher beast, which did just lead to me saying to a man taking far too much time at the hand dryer 'C'mon mate, you're drying your hands not settin' a perm...'

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

spookyobscurae @tinyobscurae.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

hollowing out a book and placing a smaller book inside it—also hollow—inside that, another hollow book; it contains a smaller hollowed-out book; this contains a description of a gun

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

People praise Dolly Parton for composing Jolene and I Will Always Love You in a single writing session, but they forget that she also wrote 9 To 5 and filled out her passport application form in the same day, which is probably the more remarkable achievement.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

ceej @ceej.online · 24/09/2026

C'mon, Slime Man! You don't have to go back to the sewers, not after the adventure we've shared! You can live with us! (two days later) Police say no leads in the case where a suburban family was found entirely Slimed,

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I'm wearing tartan trousers and a woman complimented them and asked which clan they're from and I don't know lady, the only thing I'm sharing my allegiance to is picnics.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Few things I hate more than starting a new book. Who the fuck are these guys and why are they bothering me? You think you can compare to the last guys? You have no idea what we went through together.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: is there a doctor on board FRANKENSTEIN: *starts to stand* DR FRANKENSTEIN: *pulls him back down* i think they mean me

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

i still think there’s something supernatural going on in the bowling ball return machine

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

[showing a photograph of a happy plump boy to my baker] so I was thinking maybe something a little like this?

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Oh sure, the orchestra keeps on playing as the Titanic goes down and everybody hails them as noble heroes, but I keep humming Sum 41 while the doctor discusses your options and suddenly I'm a monster.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

I do wish my life were more like a fairytale. Just me and 23 of my closest friends, baked in a pie, waiting to do a jump scare on some king.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

dan mentos @danmentos.com · 22/09/2026

[job interview] interviewer: so god killed all your kids? job: that's right

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Bit weird how steroids somehow get lumped in with all the other drugs when you're learning about them at school. These drugs will make you see the face of God. And *this* particular drug will help you beat him at arm wrestling.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Me: I’d like a slice of pizza Server: that comes with three sides Me: I know what shape it is

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Big day in the Salisbury household! Woke my wife up by running into the bedroom to proudly show her that the first of my inexplicably long old man eyebrow hairs has grown in. Finally taking my true form - The Dishevelled Curmudgeon. Could not be happier.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Met the Spanish version of myself today. Uncanny likeness. Little sad because I guess I had always secretly hoped that I was the most Spanish version of my many possible selves. Grew all this mustache for nothing.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

ceej @ceej.online · 18/09/2026

Mulder looking at a drawing of big titty Bigfoot

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Please detective, I'm not a little girl anymore. Call me Nanceth Drew.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Snake oil salesmen have really ruined things for those of us who are just trying to provide a genuine solution for people looking to grease up their serpents.

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

The difference between a catacomb and a basement is skulls. Catacomb without skulls? Thats a basement. Skulls in your basement? Thats a catacomb. Tired of having to keep saying this

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Reading Project Hail Mary for my book group and its message about the collective brilliance of Mankind and having faith in others is being somewhat undermined by being able to see the sentences that other people have deemed worthy of highlighting.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

All water's potable, idiot. It's a liquid. You can just pour it straight into the pot.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

[barber holding up the mirror behind me to show me the little gremlin that hides in my periphery and torments me from the shadows] if you want I could just stab this little freak?

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Reposted by Steven (with a PH)

bort @crushbort.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

if i had a green lantern ring i would use it to help women succeed in business

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