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Roxanne Paris the 1st

@classicroxanne.bsky.social
388 followers 537 following 563 posts

Part-time ice cream maker and full-time “What If?” machine. I like writing and death and cute stuff. I exist online at www.classicroxanne.com.

PostsRepliesMedia
Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Yes. More of this, said loudly and publicly, please.
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Claire Willett @clairewillett.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
begging with all my heart for more Democrats running in this election cycle to pick up what Jon Ossoff is putting down CALL 👏 THEM 👏 NAZIS 👏 TO 👏 THEIR 👏 FACE
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
It’s a must rewatch for me and my kids each October. I love it so much.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Omg these names 😹
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 31/08/2026
refreshing every tab on my computer over and over in the hope that one of the pages will suddenly read that all my physical and emotional needs have been permanently met
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Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 25/08/2026
i think america should have a bunch of rules that apply to everybody equally. i think the rules should be designed to discourage bad things from happening and punish the people responsible when they do. i would write the rules down where everybody can see them
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ONLY POEMS @onlypoemsmag.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
and i'm crying
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Todd Dillard @toddedillard.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I just love poems. Bad ones good ones OK ones, ones crumpled up in jeans pockets or settled like silt onto the bottom of an iPhone Note. I love that I have this feeling in my life that’s like devotion but the religion it’s tied to is just an effort by many ppl to find meaning and beauty.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
This one feels the most accurate.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Yes I was so creeped out by that hand placement.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
They should invent fast food that’s cheaper than normal food.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Every single headline that starts with ‘Trump administration…’ feels like a Mad Libs entry for the worst possible sentence. It’s wild.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
You can tell by those eyebrows. Dead giveaway. 😍
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Scott @scottydo16.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
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Andrew Hammond @ahamm.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Happy for this guy.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
More of this please
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
“What matters is this: The United States government is profoundly worse for Mitch McConnell having had so much sway over it for so long — less efficient, less effective, less humane, and more corrupt.”
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
I miss Erling Haaland.
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Cohen is a Ghost @skullmandible.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
"how were people writing 10 page papers before AI???" we were smarter than you. you could've been smart, too. but you sold your brain for nothing
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
This is my favorite thing I've written for @mcsweeneys.net in a while. Hope you folks enjoy it! I think the headline pretty much clears up what it's about.
mcsweeneys.net
My Critics Are Missing the Nuance of My Membership in the Wealthy People Hunting Poor People for Sport Club
“Over the last couple of years, I’ve been focused on making a positive impact on how the future unfolds, especially in tech, AI, and which areas of the body ...
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404 Media @404media.co · 10/07/2026
NEW: Fiction written by AI is easy to detect because it struggles with complex story structure, according to a new study. Researchers found that AI fiction has tells that go beyond the overuse of em-dashes and other obvious AI tropes and have more to do with the formulaic nature of the text itself.
404media.co
AI Fiction Is Easy to Detect Because It's Stupid and Bad, Research Finds
ChatGPT uses too many dream sequences and Gemini won’t stop describing characters.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Hahahah it’s perfect. Thank you for sharing!
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
It’s a peak human experience for sure.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Hahah I love every single bit of this onion/info wars takeover.
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I once ate a taco in Birmingham and today I need Mexico to avenge me
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Every. Single. Time.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
This ‘Human Centipede’ sequel look wiiiiild.
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Eric Haywood @erichaywood.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
The security guard at the door:
Michael B. Jordan asking “Y’all Klan?” in SINNERS
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Jon Phillips @jowiph.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I would kill or die for Larry
A small operation in Oregon that hunts truffles with a trained dog has added an unpaid trainee. A cat named Larry accompanies the handler and the truffle dog into the woods every outing, works a patch of ground a little apart from them, and digs with tremendous confidence in places where there is nothing.
The handler says Larry has never found a truffle and shows no sign of understanding the assignment. He does not use scent the way the dog does and he does not respond when the dog makes a find.
He simply digs his own holes nearby and then inspects them. "He thinks he's on the team," the handler said. "He is emphatically not on the team."
TRUFFLE DOG FINDS THE TRUFFLES -
'TRAINEE' CAT DIGS RANDOM HOLES AND FINDS DIRT
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Amy @lolennui.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
the kelce bros tearfully disassembling their bunk bed
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Saw this yard sign yesterday and have thought of it about 200 times since then. The phrase “Cancer sucks. Bargains don’t” will stay with me forever.
Hot pink yard sale sign that says “HUGE DEAD HUSBAND
GARAGE SALE!
Cancer sucks. Bargains don’t. 
Tools
Friday 8-12
Saturday
lawn care
more tools!
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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
LEAVE HER ALONE
Graphic showing an arial shot of a woodland with dry river rock and trees and in the center is the famous missing giraffe from recent news. The text says “real county TX, CBS Austin- MISSING GIRAFFE FOUND “FAT AND HAPPY.”
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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Imagine if dogs knew there were bones inside them
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
I am Jack’s Inability To Explain The Offside Rule No Matter How Many Times It’s Explained To Me.
Edward Norton, holding a beer and wearing a Radiohead T-shirt is standing in a box seats suite at the US World Cup game, talking to Brad Pitt, who is wearing a US Jersey, sunglasses and a white bucket hat, vaguely resembling Hunter S. Thompson.
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another morgan @mheslin.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
“It’s too hot out.” “Man this is a lot of running.” “Hold up I got a cramp.” -Referee Roxanne
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
Me if I refereed a World Cup game.
Shot of the the USA vs Australia World Cup game where a ref is lying on the green with a leg cramp and other refs/players are helping him stretch it out.
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Ghoul-in’ Dickey @colindickey.com · 15/06/2026
Never pass up a chance to share this story. There's always someone who hasn't heard it, always someone waiting to experience the joy of reading about it for the first time.
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
It looks like an A24 trailer
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 27/05/2026
AI is inevitable. That's why we're sneaking it into everything, hiding it in hard to find and turn off places, forcing it into products that don't need it, suddenly claiming old things we've always done is now done with AI. Because it's inevitable. You don't need to do all that when things aren't.
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Charlie Warzel @cwarzel.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
wake up babe the white house is a six flags
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
Didn’t think I’d wake up and learn that I’m actually Catholic but here we go.
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a swarm of autumn bugs @facefullabugs.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got
Chapter 1 of Moby Dick, page 1 

The phrase ‘Call me Ishmael’, the first sentence of the book, is highlighted in blue, with careful highlighting on the very big C at the start. Above this, written in ballpoint pen ‘His name’
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
I need more trogdor on my timeline. 💪🏼🐉
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Braduburymaxxing
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Drew Magary @drewmagary.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
I wrote this! Hooray seniors! defector.com/wow-americas...
defector.com
Wow! America’s Graduating Seniors Really Fucking Hate AI! | Defector
As a rule, a college graduation is a miserable affair. If you’re an outgoing senior, you have wait around for hours on end in the sweltering heat, all while hungover and wearing a full-length black go...
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
“Everything you studied is now obsolete and soon the robots will replace you..wait why are you booing?”
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Roxanne Paris the 1st @classicroxanne.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
Videos where graduates boo tone deaf speakers who are excitedly talking about how great ai is and then confused when they’re being booed? Pump it into my veins.
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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Imitation is the sincerest form of stealing my idea
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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
the year is 2026. a penile implant surgeon that runs a YouTube series called Erection Connection has been chosen by the Trump administration to handle the hantavirus outbreak. we’re all going to die.
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