iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

"I haven't been this sexually aroused since the time Spock pretended to seduce a Romulan commander whilst Kirk, disguised as a Romulan centurion, stole the cloaking device from a Romulan ship, thus saving the USS Enterprise from imminent destruction" "Ma'am, please pull forward to the next window"

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 27/01/2025

I keep my shower really clean by encouraging my family to bathe in the river.

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

According to HR I'm no longer allowed to say "Something wicked this way comes" when our boss arrives at work.

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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder name a better couple

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

The main reason I never light up a room is because I don't own a flamethrower.

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Obviously everyone @napping.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

If running has taught me anything, it’s that I have the hips of an old German Shepherd.

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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

I don’t need any help. I can make terrible decisions all on my own.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Like one of those Thai ping pong ball shows, but it’s a woman I paid five hundred bucks to fire meatballs into my mouth from across the room.

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

Had to use the wife’s vehicle. The dash had so many multicolored flashing warning lights, I decided to put on some disco and pretend I was at Studio 54.

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Discö Fränkënstëin @bobjanke.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

have you all taken your meds today

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Stopped myself from replying to someone else's post. It was not as difficult as it appears.

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

I like my coffee how I like your dad: In bed.

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Fuck you, I’m clever af.

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

I think I need something stronger than coffee to make it through this week.

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Woke up with a nice ass and an empty bottle of wine.

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

I like my coffee how I like my men: Hot like me.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Therapist: you’re your own worst enemy Me: so then you agree, how do we destroy him?

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Watched the news for a bit yesterday when I was home sick and hoo boy that’s enough of that for a while.

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Father McGee 🍁 @drinksmcgee.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Inside me are two wolves and now I really regret coming to this furry convention.

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

It must be beautiful to wake up in the arms of that special someone you can blame for everything that goes wrong in your life.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Them: Life goes on. Me: Oh good.

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Miss Riss @missriss.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Possible the biggest threat to us all are the people who insist on making serious replies to joke tweets.

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Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social · 28/01/2025

Me: I’m scared of palindromes Psychiatrist: here’s some Xanax

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SpacedMom @copymama.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

I ran out of energy to parent. I lost my mom-entum.

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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 09/01/2025

Thinking of opening a chain of gyms for Christian cultists called "Jehovah's Fitness".

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SpacedMom @copymama.bsky.social · 14/10/2023

Remember when we had to carry around our flip phones AND a digital camera? My god we were like pack mules

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Life: hey buddy how are things Me: not the best Life: well at least you have your health Me: yeah Life: and your family Me: true Life: even got a bit of money saved Me: awesome Life: things are looking up! Me: :) Life: Me: Life: engine light's on

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