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Neil Parmesan

@ktoab.bsky.social
477 followers 315 following 130 posts

Mollusk aficionado. All we are saying is give Pete some pants.

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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 11/03/2025
"conjoined twin separator cream" yields zero Google shopping results. Saved you the trouble.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 09/03/2025
Impress your date after they passionately tell you about their thesis regarding the ethical implications of genetic engineering by blurting out "I SEEN A APE".
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 01/03/2025
I'd rather dump angry beetles down the front of my tighty whities than listen to "Lay Down Sally".
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 24/02/2025
"If I could save bime in a tottle." - dyslexic Jim Croce
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Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
here’s to hoping I will not be too much of a dumb fuck today (morning prayer)
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 20/02/2025
I wanna live with a cinnamon, girl. Commas are important.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 20/02/2025
Would love to retire but the cruel joke is that I'm now too old to supplement my income by shaking my money maker weekends at The Dirty Manhole.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 13/02/2025
Nothing is really inedible if you put your entire being into it.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 11/02/2025
You're missing out on a lot of opportunities if you don't keep a bullhorn next to you in the car.
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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
I just got served an eviction notice on my blanket fort. The landlord wants to level everything and put in a sectional.
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Lamont A. Turner @lamontaturner.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
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Kim @kmbrly.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
Drumpf announced 25% tariffs on all steel and aluminum coming into the US Monday, along with retaliatory tariffs to be announced later so if you haven’t gotten your pitchfork yet you might want to run out and grab one.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
"I guess maybe them biscuits and gravy had turned" thought farmer Jed as he threw up into his straw hat at the Walmart.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 24/12/2024
Never carry too many grudges at once, make a few trips so you don't throw your back out.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
I'll be on the veranda thinking about the atrium and considering improvements to the vestibule.
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
Fuck that guy. Let’s all chip in and buy X. We’ll turn it into a water park or maybe a Costco
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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
We had this guy tune our piano by ear. He spent four years at our house one night.
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Tippi Hedren Collider (now with more birds) @linanneblack.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
I'm thinking of having myself coppiced in the early spring and sprouting fresh from the ankles.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
Got kicked out the coven again for trying to roast marshmallows over the sacrificial fire.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
I'll be attending the big Diction Expo 2025 this weekend. Featured speakers include Bob Dylan and Sylvester Stallone.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
I try to avoid politics here but Jesus fucking Christ fuck this South African billionaire Nazi idiot of a president and his idiot chimp boy Trump.
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PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 04/02/2025
She sent me off brand emojis, and now I’m re-evaluating my life
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
Welcome to your mid 50s, you now have the gait of a mortally wounded velociraptor.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
You're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you over all this impending doom.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 04/02/2025
I'd embrace the chaos but I don't think it's a hugger.
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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 25/11/2023
Something went wrong. You did something without fully paying attention to what you were doing. So foolish. So preventable. So senseless. So irreversible. You mistook horseradish for mayo.
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Veruca's Alt @verucas-alt.bsky.social · 04/02/2025
Have you ever had to live without something for so long you don't even want it anymore?
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Tippi Hedren Collider (now with more birds) @linanneblack.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
We discuss your day and its potential pitfalls. Overwhelmed, you never ask me about mine. Its attendance not taken, my day goes to the river to look for herons. It eats lunch on a steel beam atop an unfinished tower. It writes sad notes for an old glass bottle and they jump together into the lake.
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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Some people make my insides feel funny. Not butterflies in my tummy funny, more like irritable bowel syndrome funny.
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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
I hope to make an even bigger ass out myself tomorrow, because personal growth is important.
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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
It’s getting harder to tell if I’m using old slang ironically or if I’m just hopelessly lame.
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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
Now is probably a good time for the aliens to come and take us.
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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 22/01/2025
If you melt some cheese on it, that makes it gourmet.
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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 22/01/2025
I only do yoga for the dead bug pose.
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WittySassBasket @wittysassbasket.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
One thing about me, I'll be taking an extra napkin.
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Dave Cactus @davecactus.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
[following a trail of nacho cheese dust to a beautiful city made of tortilla chips] My goodness. I've found the mythical lost city of El Dorito!
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Kim @kmbrly.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
I was given a Lite-Brite when I was a kid, never got a lightbulb. Mentioned it to my mom this afternoon, so no, I won’t “get over”anything.
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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
I have my mom's eyes. She left them to me in her will.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Women and children first so men can enjoy some quiet time before the ship sinks.
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Tippi Hedren Collider (now with more birds) @linanneblack.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Just realised that increasing one's anger in order to fit in with dystopian anger standards is already called madmaxxing.
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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
I've entered my mysterious bruises era.
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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Judging by the speed of replies, several people can type faster than they read.
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Trying to think of a funny post about a gladiator named "Velveetacus" but everything I come up with is just too cheesy.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
[Montage of me replacing toilet paper until I die. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata plays in the background]
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Neil Parmesan @ktoab.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
C'mon back summer. You're missed.
Booze, lake, sun.
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