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jess

@cremedelaflemme.bsky.social
183 followers 393 following 428 posts

aspiring eccentric 35 | 📍 nancy (54)

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Reposted by jess
Thomas Ha @thomasha.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
i should clarify, when i write people doing bad things, it's because i am bad. they are me. more importantly, when you read about those bad things, they also become you. that's how story works. in fact, you are going to think about murder before this skeet ends. how's that feel, sicko.
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Jessica Ellis @baddestmamajama.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I have separated the art from the artist and am now whipping the art to stiff peaks, after which I will gently fold it into the artist before baking at 350 til golden and puffed
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rax ‘levon honkers’ king @raxkingisdead.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
'this AI agent can do all your tasks for you' so now i gotta sit here and write a list of all my tasks for a robot to fuck up. why. why wouldn't i just keep to the current system where i fuck up my own tasks
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horse massacre @torqpenderloin.bsky.social · 15/07/2023
everyone's talking about some guy. who cares.
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Seth Rosenthal @sethrosenthal.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
a major part of me is still governed by the inner college student who sees a spread of free snacks at a child’s birthday party and says with enough gumption this can become my dinner
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
the bisexual agenda
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Jaya Saxena @jayasaxena.com · 25/09/2026
Wait you guys are getting job interviews?
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Momo @heyheymomo.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Better be safe than slightly thirsty
4 panel comic:
Panel 1: small forg in front of his bed with pink sheets. Of course the bed has a smiley face on the frame. Anyway, Forg says ‘bed time’ 
Panel 2: Forg is now on top of the bed but he isn’t quite ready yet. He says ‘wait a sec’ 
Panel 3: He climbed out of bed again and walks away. He says ‘hold on’
Panel 4: He is back and now all tucked in his bed. The bed smiles. There’s a huge glass of water next to him on the bedside. That’s what he needed. Now he says ‘ok yeah ready’
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
@alydixonisOK

doctor at my check up asked me if i had “any feelings of depression or anxiety” and i said “don’t we all” and she said “no” lol
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 23/09/2026
ME, VISIBLY ANGUISHED AND FALLING APART: It is what it is :)
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Acting the Fulemin @actingthefulemin.bsky.social · 14/11/2024
I think a lot of people think the point of sports is that your team will win and then you will be happy. That is not the point of sports. The point of sports is to be sad in a group
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Xero now with 100% more 🎃 @artificer-ind.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Still patiently waiting to be "left behind" by AI rather than it chasing me across every damn space like a slasher in a low budget flick.
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Stephanie 🍉 @ageofoddish.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
mmygod
the slut gnomes of false berlin jeopardy bluesky posttoday's jeopardy categories. the last 2 are "false berlin" and "bizarre little men"
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lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza Server: that comes with three sides Me: I know what shape it is
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
i’m at the galleria dell’accademia in florence doing my favorite bit: every time we pass by a depiction of jesus i point and say “damn, that guy just can’t catch a break” everyone hates it
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I'm doing bad
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Kevin M. Kruse @kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I remain convinced that the most effective response to a politician or a pundit who's pushing transphobia is "I'm not sure why you're obsessed with other people's genitals but it's really creepy"
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Jess Pendley @jesspendley.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Future me watching temporary -productivity-burst me commit to meetings and calls.
A small machine, the front resembles a smiling face, and its back reflected in the mirror behind it resembles a horrified face.
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James @james.tarnation.lol · 11/09/2026
i bet laying on a hot dog roller at the gas station feels amazing
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gem (real name) 💎 @gemcitygem.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
me: hi gimme a large pizza pizza guy: any appetizers? me: what do you have? pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce pizza guy: and for your dip? me: sauce
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
i’ve been solving a lot of problems lately with my calculator like 5 + 8 and 12 x 3. but now i’m starting to think it’s alive
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boo!po @papagarbage.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
with all due respect to the customs and traditions of baseball, i will stretch during any inning i want
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
A chef approaches a table where 3 food judges are waiting to be served. Before setting down the plates he tells them, "Judges, I'm in no mood for constructive feedback. Praise or nothing."
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
@ProBirdRights

I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Jolted awake from an extremely intense dream but all I can remember is "Cheesesteak Factoburgery" so do with that what you will
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
God says to a man "you have died. Prepare for judgement. You will now confront your best self. The version of you that lived up to all your potential." An exact duplicate of the man pops into existence and says "hi, it's me! Your best self! I'm exactly like you!" He continues "turns out youa ctually did live up to all of your potential!" The original man puts his hands on his head and says "Jesus, that's depressing."
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Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab @bpal.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
We already had free art for people who are broke or bad at designing things, it's called the PUBLIC DOMAIN
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
quick selfie
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Misandrosaurus Hex @bexone.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
A hand holding a sticker designed after the “I want to believe” poster from the X-Files except it says “I want two Aleve” and instead of the ufo it’s two pills of Aleve
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QuoProQuid @quoproquid.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
techno-optimists befuddled by declining popular support for “the robot that tells you to kill yourself”, “the pervert glasses“, and “the camera network that stalks you”
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 27/08/2026
(when my zone is being flooded) ack! my zone!
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scari @cari.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Shut up and get in your pyramid mesh carrier
Bird in a yellow pyramid shaped mesh travel carrier with a zipper on one side
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
as a big boobs and good morals haver i think i speak for all if us when i say we will miss our leader
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
I remember loving this series !
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Niko Stratis @nikostratis.com · 26/08/2026
The reason why people think Dolly was “politically neutral” is because they don’t understand being political as a series of actions born of commitment to an idea. Being political as defined by the pundit class is to be in front of a microphone delivering sound bytes, it’s something to be devoured
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Maggie Tokuda-Hall @maggietokudahall.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
what if I was so cranky that I died
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Karen K. Ho @karenho.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
It is frustrating trying to be an honest, considerate, hardworking person, when many signs indicate it is much more lucrative right now to be a liar and a grifter with no moral core or ethical framework for daily life. I just hope these people eventually get what they deserve.
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Cap’n Crunch has been making that cereal that’s all Crunchberries for long enough that I refuse to believe it’s still some sort of mistake
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Love a good bat flip
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jess @cremedelaflemme.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
grosse dép là
bunny drinking coffee and having a smoke
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Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 21/08/2026
Spreadsheets are girls and databases are boys. You learn this at computer college in the first week.
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Eric Stephen @ericstephen.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
people are really getting into a row about spreadsheets. my column:
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Solomon @solomonrmissouri.com · 20/08/2026
“Then a hero came along”
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Mike Cook @mtrc.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
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Brian Grubb @briancgrubb.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
[no idea what anyone is talking about] haha hell yeah get his ass
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
my neighbor states that he is not a genie yet every time i rub his house he comes outside
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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
I have decided to become increasingly more bizarre
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sara “THE RED SACRAMENT” hinkley @boneysoups.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
some novelists are like what if there was a girl kinda like me and she was amazing. and some novelists are like what if there was a girl kinda like me and she absolutely sucked shit
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Razzball @razzball.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Everything reminds me of her
JUGOS NATURALES
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