iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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me: Hey, I can’t sleep. Do you think it’s because of stress? hand puppet: *rolls over on my pillow to look at me* you have had a lot on your plate recently.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 5h

My boss objected to being called sugar tits. He said I should call him Matt like everyone else

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 5h

For someone who doesn't drink, I got a ludicrous amount of whisky for my birthday.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 5h

PSA: whispering "spit in my mouth" whenever you hug an elderly relative at family gatherings will result in you not being invited to any more. Guaranteed or your money back.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 7h

[encountering a lengthy series of replies] I see thread people

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John MacLeod @mrjohnmacleod.bsky.social · 5h

I once made a joke on Facebook about my constantly-bonking neighbours, implying that I’d been invited to a spitroast. Weeks later, at a family pub lunch my aunt asked me how the spitroast went, and I nearly sprayed her with ice cream sundae.

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Julie @panny.bsky.social · 5h

I once put myself in a position where I had to explain what a pearl necklace is, to my mum and 40 year old brother. Neither of them believed me.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 6h

I'm such a child. My nan just told me that my grandad gave her a pearl necklace on their wedding night and I almost choked on my tea.

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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 6h

Don’t make me clutch my pearls, motherfucker.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 9h

Tiny G made me a beautiful picture of an Octopus for my birthday, and in keeping with family tradition she gave him a ridiculous, amazing name, he's called Twinkle McBeans.

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First Among Equals @pyncster.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Not a single one of my reminders are friendly

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Having your cock pierced makes it sound bigger.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

At least 70% of my sexual fantasies involve Christina Ricci's clavicles.

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

A fog so thick you want to slice it so see if it’s cake

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A.L. likely @alvildalikely.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

There’s a 98% chance that my dog is going to excite-pee when he sees me, and only slightly lesser odds that I will when I see him.

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Lupus Londonwolf @lupuslondonwolf.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I was making potato and leek soup and the recipe asked for five potatoes cubed. Even for potato soup, 125 potatoes seems a little excessive.

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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Go go gadget self-sabotage!

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 05/03/2025

Crouching Trauma, Hidden Sadness.

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Hello fat pants, my old friend.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I do the Mister Rogers casual-thing when I get home from work but instead of putting on a sweater and sneakers I strip naked in the driveway and set fire to my filthy and wretched clothes.

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gruffyfarr668.bsky.social @gruffyfarr668.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I had a good friend many moons ago. He always smelled of soap. It’s a good smell is soap. You should try it..

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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

The best kind of masculinity is the kind that doesn't give a fuck if you wear a tutu and have a beard because your daughter wants you to be a fairy princess. Or if your son wants to be on the dance team, not baseball. Men are not defined by what some idiot thinks is masculine.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Sigourney Weaver as an X-wing pilot is my new kink.

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Michael Legel @mjlegel.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

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Michael Legel @mjlegel.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. ~ Dandemis

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Misery Highlight 🕷️ @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Sorry I haven’t been reskeeting as much lately I have recently learned how to read

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Apparently, being unapologetically weird on my sex alt account is attractive to a certain type of person. I never get DMs on my main but I've had several this afternoon.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Unpacked my winter wardrobe* from storage today *A scarf

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

When I got divorced, the stress caused me to lose so much weight that my boys started calling me The Machinist. That's what real friendship looks like.

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LawrieBhoy 🍀 @lawriebhoy.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Old gammons who had free university education, full employment and the ability to buy 4 bedroom homes for £6000 are now telling young people to ‘just work harder’. 😮

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

God I’m so sick of perfect, beautiful people. Glad you guys are here

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

It has been my experience that if you let your eyebrows run wild and free you’ll never get your head stuck in a tub of margarine

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

I can't watch a woman eating a banana without wondering about her potassium levels.

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ceej @ceej.online · 20/09/2026

The Three Stooges actually enjoyed a productive post-Hollywood career as clandestine assassins for the CIA. Curly alone boasted seventy-eight confirmed kills inside of Soviet Russia until his death in 1952 by stepping on a defensive rake with one hundred grams of Semtex embedded in the handle

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

I’m uncomfortable with public displays of affectation.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Typical Saturday. Put rotisserie chickens on my hands and ran into the ER screaming

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Michael Legel @mjlegel.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

When I was a child Telling me about the starving kids somewhere else didn’t make broccoli taste any better.

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The Talentless Mr Ripley @averagesizedweiner.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Just been to the cinema with the fam for the kids club and I'm even more in love than ever with Andrew Garfield after seeing The Magic Faraway Tree. Good fun, just enough sentiment, lots of absurdity and laughs, 8/10. No more notes.

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Mal @hallowedverses.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Just sneezed so hard I became a third-person narrator for a second

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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Factually correcting shitposts isn’t the intellectual triumph you think it is, Einstein.

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

We live on a 4.5 billion-year-old rock that's traveling 67,000 mph through space but I'm sure your latte is "the most amazing thing ever."

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