Reposted by murderturtleonion person @junlper.beer · 01/10/2026it’s amazing that there’s no crime anymore. if you do crime you’re actually just the victim for getting caught. the people who catch you are the criminals 543126550
Reposted by murderturtledan mentos @danmentos.com · 22/09/2026[job interview] interviewer: so god killed all your kids? job: that's right 63112062536
Reposted by murderturtleshauna @goldengateblond.bsky.social · 30/09/2026i thought about this old tweet tonight and how nothing has ever aged better 122509448
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 26/09/2026“First of all, he’s got my face as his profile picture, so that right there gave me a high degree of confidence, because I know what I look like.” — Kash Patel theonion.comKash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash PatelWASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash Patel was reportedly phished Friday by a scammer posing as FBI ... 261629178
Reposted by murderturtleStandplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 20/09/2026 130589
Reposted by murderturtleThe Washington Post @washingtonpost.com · 19/09/2026A cancer vaccine succeeded in a clinical trial in preventing the recurrence of melanoma, a result experts say is a breakthrough for mRNA-based treatments. Trials for lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and other diseases' vaccines are also underway. washingtonpost.comA melanoma vaccine was hailed as a breakthrough. Which cancers are next?Trials investigating mRNA vaccines for lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and other diseases are already underway. 151115383
Reposted by murderturtle🏳️⚧️ Kiara Pendragon ∍⧽⧼∊ Godslayer 🏳️🌈 @aapur.bsky.social · 16/09/2026They fired so many artists over this too. People who helped make the game iconic were tossed out on the street because the Slop Faucet could do it "decent enough". If you still play Fortnite, you're funding the hyper-acceleration of AI replacing Artists in Gaming 3249953320
Reposted by murderturtleGianmarco Soresi @gianmarcosoresi.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Hardly surprised to see an Israeli bombing 472361398
Reposted by murderturtleBen Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Maybe if the AI people yell at me for the 5 millionth time about how I’m not using their dogshit technology that has made everyone’s lives worse I’ll finally start liking it for no conceivable reason. 13681121291
Reposted by murderturtleFINAL FANTASY XIV @en.finalfantasyxiv.com · 20/08/2026This month marks FFXIV’s 13th birthday! Celebrate the occasion with the Rising anniversary event starting on Thursday, August 27! 🎆 sqex.to/7jHOP 272581821
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 20/08/2026“What the fuck is up with all these goddamn string beans? What happened to all the huge, chunky kids?” said a visibly irate Dylan St. John theonion.comLittle League World Series Game Turned Off Due To Neither Team Having Big Fat KidBUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off Wednesday’s Little Leagu... 1172640
Reposted by murderturtleJohn Scalzi @scalzi.com · 17/08/2026"AI" has existed in its current form for barely four years and the fact that it's jammed up the cognitive development of an entire generation that fast (and that there's a specific overclass of techofascists who are deeply thrilled about this) is a big damn red flag. www.nytimes.com/2026/08/17/u...nytimes.comWhat Do Students Lose When They Stop Writing? (Gift Article)Educators are worried that many students can no longer write essays without A.I. And it’s costing more than just grammar skills. 6436571194
Reposted by murderturtleShivam Bhatt @shivambhatt.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Phone- "hey, you need to delete stuff cause this memory i won't let you expand is almost full" Me- great let me uninstall this ai shit you forced on me. P- 'oh, no, you can't touch that haha, how about these pictures of your son as a newborn in your arms in the first days of his life instead" 516617
Reposted by murderturtleRob Delaney @robdelaney.bsky.social · 17/07/2026this is you in meta’s pervert glasses 465027843
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 08/08/2026“Okay, everyone, let’s just take a deep breath and pull ourselves together,” said Ryan Kruze theonion.comEveryone Needs To Calm Down, Reports Man Who Accidentally Shot SomeoneCLARKTON, NC—Stressing the need to get a grip and think clearly for a second, local man Ryan Kruze, who had just accidentally shot someone, reportedly urged all the people around him on Friday to calm... 1497366
Reposted by murderturtleCaf Coleo 🏳️⚧️, Final Fantasy XI Arc @cafcoleo.bsky.social · 08/08/2026🅱️regnant Chimera 118983
Reposted by murderturtleMatt McMuscles @mattmcmuscles.bsky.social · 04/08/2026I know most of everyone on here couldn't care less about Electronic Arts products, but now you can care EVEN LESS THAN THAT 812297930
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 04/08/2026This is not a paid advertisement. Subscribe at membership.theonion.com to receive the newspaper and see more print-exclusive content. 91809231
Reposted by murderturtleSam Reich @samreich.bsky.social · 04/08/2026there's gotta be, right? 542285361
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 02/08/2026Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’theonion.comBrad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’ 211835194
Reposted by murderturtleDBJ @deadblossomjesse.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Please use this link twitch.uservoice.com/forums/92338... and tell twitch how fucking insane this is. Comment and let twitch know that this is horrible. Thank youtwitch.uservoice.com 2628552783
Reposted by murderturtleTodd in the Shadows @shadowtodd.bsky.social · 01/08/2026already being rolled back, but, why would you implement this to begin with 16626113
Reposted by murderturtleJacob Geller @jacobgeller.com · 31/07/2026I truly feel for kids growing up now who will have to unlearn using AI, but if you've been writing for more than 2 years it is the easiest thing in the world to just Keep Doing The Thing You Did and ignore AI tools!! It makes me feel crazy that people act like this isn't the case!!! 132364528
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 30/07/2026See what consumers have to say about DuckDuckGo's perplexingly analog sunglasses. Head to knockaround.com/products/duckduckgo… to purchase. #DuckDuckGo #knockaround #sponsored 151153181
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 28/07/2026Travis Kelce Begs Andy Reid To Sign Friendly Extraterrestrial He Met In Woods theonion.com/travis-kelce-begs-andy… 1887668
Reposted by murderturtleɢʀᴇᴇɴʜᴏʀɴ ꜰᴏᴏᴛᴘᴀᴅ @colourmode.bsky.social · 08/08/2025let me call you back boss I’m with a custoid right now [hangs up] i’ve been dreaming of ways to serve you. 32335571
Reposted by murderturtleStandplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 24/07/2026 31122172
Reposted by murderturtleHagai Palevsky (he/him) @dialhforhagai.bsky.social · 25/07/2026Wile E. Coyote, despaired, takes a bucket of paint and a brush and paints a beautiful two-bedroom house on a mountainside. He paints a beautiful coyote wife in the window, and two adorable coyote kids running around in the yard. He tries to enter this new coyote life, but it is inaccessible to him 138126302819
Reposted by murderturtlemtsw @mtsw.bsky.social · 25/07/2026The reason Zohran scares the shit out of them so much is that they think this sort of technocrat FDR liberalism/market socialism will *work* and be popular, not that it will fail and be unpopular. They're afraid that he will be a good mayor not a bad mayor. 4656561130
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 23/07/2026“This is a shared space, and it’s upsetting for employees to walk in and see Secretary Kennedy sparking and wailing in there while his skin blisters under the incandescent light,” one HHS source told reporters Wednesdaytheonion.comRFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office KitchenWASHINGTON—Responding to repeated complaints about the smell and the difficulty of reheating lunch while the U.S. Cabinet member was still rotating inside the appliance, Department of Health and Human... 14919104
Reposted by murderturtleEd Burmila @edburmila.bsky.social · 21/07/2026It would be nice if, at the very least, the people reporting on this stuff properly contextualized it by explicitly stating that if the president can do this the union has ceased to exist. It's not hyperbole or figurative language. There is no union. "Unconstitutional" doesn't cover it. 231721561
Reposted by murderturtleSen. Pumpkin Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 18/07/2026the future is here and it is picking images for news alerts 3468871206
Reposted by murderturtleScott Horton @robertscotthorton.bsky.social · 15/07/2026In America today, the wealthiest 1% is now worth more than the entire American middle class. That never happened before. 12535311695
Reposted by murderturtleReuters @reuters.com · 14/07/2026Elon Musk's xAI has installed more than double the number of gas turbines than it has publicly acknowledged to power its Colossus 2 data center project, without federal permits, and the pollution is hitting predominantly Black neighborhoods the hardest reut.rs/4bIghEm 15236041946
Reposted by murderturtlenaru / currently NG+ marathon before evercold SORRY FOR SPAMMING @leonvaleren.bsky.social · 03/07/2026what if time... continued to flow how it did in the first #ffxiv 28927445
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 07/07/2026“Yeah, you can tell from the, uh, baroque cornices that it’s probably from the Ming dynasty,” the 48-year-old decorative arts specialist said of the century-old cigar humidor she had barely bothered to glance attheonion.comHungover ‘Antiques Roadshow’ Expert Pulls Another Appraisal Out Of Her AssINDIANAPOLIS—Saying whatever she had to say to get through the PBS shoot as quickly as possible, hungover Antiques Roadshow expert Katrina Delaney reportedly pulled another appraisal out of her ass We... 878052
Reposted by murderturtlePecan-San🧟♂️🏷️ @pecansan.bsky.social · 05/07/2026remembering a world heritage post this 4th of july 1228561007
Reposted by murderturtlepixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 02/07/2024Happy Birthday to rock ‘n’ roll legend Chubby Checker. 82 and still going strong! 461687265
Reposted by murderturtleImran Khan @imrankhan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Microsoft this week: We're laying off half the industry. Sony: We're ending physical games. Nintendo: have u seen this splatoon weapon we call it the bloblobber 2293432592
Reposted by murderturtleLee Cronin’s Pablo Hidalgo @infinata.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Had to dig up a hard copy for this one. 6174831458
Reposted by murderturtleBetter Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 10/02/2025I should only get benefits from living in a society. If I also have obligations that's communism 324279558
Reposted by murderturtleThe Onion @theonion.com · 26/06/2026‘The Bear’ Ends With Continuous 45-Minute Shot Of Carmy Screaming While Stirring Tomato Sauce theonion.com/the-bear-ends-with-con… 321980180
Reposted by murderturtleanother morgan @mheslin.bsky.social · 24/06/2026imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar 264137453526