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murderturtle

@murderturtle.bsky.social
116 followers 57 following 30 posts

🏳️‍🌈 She/Her. I like video games and desperately need more friends to play FFXIV with. History Major, Political Science Minor.

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Reposted by murderturtle
shauna @goldengateblond.bsky.social · 16h
i thought about this old tweet tonight and how nothing has ever aged better
@Merman_Melville • Jan 24, 2019
Being a billionaire must be insane. You can buy new teeth, new skin. All your chairs cost 20,000 dollars and weigh 2,000 pounds. Your life is just a series of your own preferences. In terms of cognitive impairment it's probably like being kicked in the head by a horse every day
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The Onion @theonion.com · 26/09/2026
“First of all, he’s got my face as his profile picture, so that right there gave me a high degree of confidence, because I know what I look like.” — Kash Patel
theonion.com
Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel
WASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash Patel was reportedly phished Friday by a scammer posing as FBI ...
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Standplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 20/09/2026
orpheuslament on tumblr: "The thing about kitties is that sometimes theyll cry & yell like their lives depend on it & youll be like ok what do you want & what they want is simply that you sit next to them for a little bit. Which you obviously have to do"
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The Washington Post @washingtonpost.com · 19/09/2026
A cancer vaccine succeeded in a clinical trial in preventing the recurrence of melanoma, a result experts say is a breakthrough for mRNA-based treatments. Trials for lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and other diseases' vaccines are also underway.
washingtonpost.com
A melanoma vaccine was hailed as a breakthrough. Which cancers are next?
Trials investigating mRNA vaccines for lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and other diseases are already underway.
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🏳️‍⚧️ Kiara Pendragon ∍⧽⧼∊ Godslayer 🏳️‍🌈 @aapur.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
They fired so many artists over this too. People who helped make the game iconic were tossed out on the street because the Slop Faucet could do it "decent enough". If you still play Fortnite, you're funding the hyper-acceleration of AI replacing Artists in Gaming
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Gianmarco Soresi @gianmarcosoresi.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Hardly surprised to see an Israeli bombing
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Maybe if the AI people yell at me for the 5 millionth time about how I’m not using their dogshit technology that has made everyone’s lives worse I’ll finally start liking it for no conceivable reason.
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FINAL FANTASY XIV @en.finalfantasyxiv.com · 20/08/2026
This month marks FFXIV’s 13th birthday! Celebrate the occasion with the Rising anniversary event starting on Thursday, August 27! 🎆 sqex.to/7jHOP
An illustration for Final Fantasy 14's The Rising 2026 seasonal event. Feo Ul, a pixie with orange hair pulled into short pigtails and purple wings sits admiring a berry branch on a table beside a teapot, stacks of books, and ink quill.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 20/08/2026
“What the fuck is up with all these goddamn string beans? What happened to all the huge, chunky kids?” said a visibly irate Dylan St. John
theonion.com
Little League World Series Game Turned Off Due To Neither Team Having Big Fat Kid
BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off Wednesday’s Little Leagu...
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John Scalzi @scalzi.com · 17/08/2026
"AI" has existed in its current form for barely four years and the fact that it's jammed up the cognitive development of an entire generation that fast (and that there's a specific overclass of techofascists who are deeply thrilled about this) is a big damn red flag. www.nytimes.com/2026/08/17/u...
nytimes.com
What Do Students Lose When They Stop Writing? (Gift Article)
Educators are worried that many students can no longer write essays without A.I. And it’s costing more than just grammar skills.
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Shivam Bhatt @shivambhatt.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Phone- "hey, you need to delete stuff cause this memory i won't let you expand is almost full" Me- great let me uninstall this ai shit you forced on me. P- 'oh, no, you can't touch that haha, how about these pictures of your son as a newborn in your arms in the first days of his life instead"
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Rob Delaney @robdelaney.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
this is you in meta’s pervert glasses
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The Onion @theonion.com · 08/08/2026
“Okay, everyone, let’s just take a deep breath and pull ourselves together,” said Ryan Kruze
theonion.com
Everyone Needs To Calm   Down, Reports Man Who Accidentally Shot Someone
CLARKTON, NC—Stressing the need to get a grip and think clearly for a second, local man Ryan Kruze, who had just accidentally shot someone, reportedly urged all the people around him on Friday to calm...
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Caf Coleo 🏳️‍⚧️, Final Fantasy XI Arc @cafcoleo.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
🅱️regnant Chimera
Health bar for [B] Regnant Chimera
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Matt McMuscles @mattmcmuscles.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
I know most of everyone on here couldn't care less about Electronic Arts products, but now you can care EVEN LESS THAN THAT
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The Onion @theonion.com · 04/08/2026
This is not a paid advertisement. Subscribe at membership.theonion.com to receive the newspaper and see more print-exclusive content.
Protecting America From Fair Elections - AIPAC
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Sam Reich @samreich.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
there's gotta be, right?
Jordan Myrick asking Caldwell Tanner "When you guys need money, can you just draw something and put it on Etsy?" And Caldwell responding, "If there was an Etsy for Transformers porn, yeah."
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The Onion @theonion.com · 02/08/2026
Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’
theonion.com
Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’
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DBJ @deadblossomjesse.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Please use this link twitch.uservoice.com/forums/92338... and tell twitch how fucking insane this is. Comment and let twitch know that this is horrible. Thank you
twitch.uservoice.com
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Todd in the Shadows @shadowtodd.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
already being rolled back, but, why would you implement this to begin with
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Jacob Geller @jacobgeller.com · 31/07/2026
I truly feel for kids growing up now who will have to unlearn using AI, but if you've been writing for more than 2 years it is the easiest thing in the world to just Keep Doing The Thing You Did and ignore AI tools!! It makes me feel crazy that people act like this isn't the case!!!
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vanoreo @vanoreo.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
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The Onion @theonion.com · 30/07/2026
See what consumers have to say about DuckDuckGo's perplexingly analog sunglasses. Head to knockaround.com/products/duckduckgo… to purchase. #DuckDuckGo #knockaround #sponsored
Consumers react to DuckDuckGo's New Sunglasses
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The Onion @theonion.com · 28/07/2026
Travis Kelce Begs Andy Reid To Sign Friendly Extraterrestrial He Met In Woods theonion.com/travis-kelce-begs-andy…
Travis Kelce Begs Andy Reid To Sign Friendly Extraterrestrial He Met In Woods
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ɢʀᴇᴇɴʜᴏʀɴ ꜰᴏᴏᴛᴘᴀᴅ @colourmode.bsky.social · 08/08/2025
let me call you back boss I’m with a custoid right now [hangs up] i’ve been dreaming of ways to serve you.
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Standplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 24/07/2026
viney (@vineyille) on twitter: "Day 20. Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy Leg Man."
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Hagai Palevsky (he/him) @dialhforhagai.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Wile E. Coyote, despaired, takes a bucket of paint and a brush and paints a beautiful two-bedroom house on a mountainside. He paints a beautiful coyote wife in the window, and two adorable coyote kids running around in the yard. He tries to enter this new coyote life, but it is inaccessible to him
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mtsw @mtsw.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
The reason Zohran scares the shit out of them so much is that they think this sort of technocrat FDR liberalism/market socialism will *work* and be popular, not that it will fail and be unpopular. They're afraid that he will be a good mayor not a bad mayor.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 23/07/2026
“This is a shared space, and it’s upsetting for employees to walk in and see Secretary Kennedy sparking and wailing in there while his skin blisters under the incandescent light,” one HHS source told reporters Wednesday
theonion.com
RFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office Kitchen
WASHINGTON—Responding to repeated complaints about the smell and the difficulty of reheating lunch while the U.S. Cabinet member was still rotating inside the appliance, Department of Health and Human...
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Ed Burmila @edburmila.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
It would be nice if, at the very least, the people reporting on this stuff properly contextualized it by explicitly stating that if the president can do this the union has ceased to exist. It's not hyperbole or figurative language. There is no union. "Unconstitutional" doesn't cover it.
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Sen. Lemon Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
the future is here and it is picking images for news alerts
HEADLINE: Taylor Farms pulls iceberg lettuce linked to cyclosporiasis outbreak (CBS News)

IMAGE: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce
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Scott Horton @robertscotthorton.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
In America today, the wealthiest 1% is now worth more than the entire American middle class. That never happened before.
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Reuters @reuters.com · 14/07/2026
Elon Musk's xAI has installed more than double the number of gas turbines than it has publicly acknowledged to power its Colossus 2 data center project, without federal permits, and the pollution is hitting predominantly Black neighborhoods the hardest reut.rs/4bIghEm
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naru / currently NG+ marathon before evercold SORRY FOR SPAMMING @leonvaleren.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
what if time... continued to flow how it did in the first #ffxiv
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QuoProQuid @quoproquid.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
whoopsie
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The Onion @theonion.com · 07/07/2026
“Yeah, you can tell from the, uh, baroque cornices that it’s probably from the Ming dynasty,” the 48-year-old decorative arts specialist said of the century-old cigar humidor she had barely bothered to glance at
theonion.com
Hungover ‘Antiques Roadshow’ Expert Pulls Another   Appraisal Out Of Her Ass
INDIANAPOLIS—Saying whatever she had to say to get through the PBS shoot as quickly as possible, hungover Antiques Roadshow expert Katrina Delaney reportedly pulled another appraisal out of her ass We...
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Pecan-San🧟‍♂️🏷️ @pecansan.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
remembering a world heritage post this 4th of july
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 02/07/2024
Happy Birthday to rock ‘n’ roll legend Chubby Checker. 82 and still going strong!
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Imran Khan @imrankhan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Microsoft this week: We're laying off half the industry. Sony: We're ending physical games. Nintendo: have u seen this splatoon weapon we call it the bloblobber
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Lee Cronin’s Pablo Hidalgo @infinata.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Had to dig up a hard copy for this one.
The Onion headline: Ska Band Outnumbers
Audience
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 10/02/2025
I should only get benefits from living in a society. If I also have obligations that's communism
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The Onion @theonion.com · 26/06/2026
‘The Bear’ Ends With Continuous 45-Minute Shot Of Carmy Screaming While Stirring Tomato Sauce theonion.com/the-bear-ends-with-con…
‘The Bear’ Ends With Continuous 45-Minute Shot Of Carmy Screaming While Stirring Tomato Sauce
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another morgan @mheslin.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar
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Sam Antics @dsoart.com · 23/06/2026
Garffeld
Three panel comic of an homage to the first Garfield strip, but Jon is a monk and Garfield is a medieval rendering of a cat. In the first panel, Jon says, “HWÆT, LAM JON ARBUCKLE. I AM A MONK, AND THIS MY CATTE, GARFFELD.” In the second panel, Garffeld is thinking, “ HWÆT, I AM GARFFELD. I AM A CATTE, AND THIS IS MY MONK, JON.” In the last panel, Jon says, “OUR ONLY THOUGHT IS TO GLORIFY GOD.” Garffeld thinks, “FEDE ME.”
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Ken Jennings @kenjennings.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Algae is loving this news cycle. They’ve never been more relevant. Microzooplankton sitting at home changing the channel like, what about us? we even have cilia and pseudopods, this is bullshit.
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Ret @ret.furry.engineer.ap.brid.gy · 22/06/2026
Me in 1768: I dislike the new Prime Minister and the Steam Machine is still too expensive. Me in 2026: I dislike the new Prime Minister and the Steam Machine is still too expensive.
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