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mattheween

@mmmtorbs.bsky.social

1.4K followers 1.1K following 14K posts

weeping… in a car new EP!: weepcar.bandcamp.com/album/hopeless… he/him tulsa idiot

Posts Replies Media

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 1h

they should change the name of that candy bar to 3 [something else]eteers

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 1h

logging into your brain as administrator

Reposted by mattheween

🧩 @holojester.bsky.social · 1h

treatment resistant stupidity

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 2h

tonight we start learning a bunch of new songs 😌

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 2h

everyone at work has had a performance review except me

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frielf @goblin.fans · 2h

did you guys know that if someone laughs into your genitals during an intimate moment you can get pregnant with a clown?

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 3h

look I know why you’re not following me and I get it

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𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 22/09/2023

Men will literally blame Cotton Eye Joe for all of their misgivings, rather than go to therapy.

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 7h

alternate timeline where we got to do all those things

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 8h

please

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 8h

I’m so tired of being a person

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Catí @holacati.bsky.social · 13h

Private weepcar listening booth when?

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 14h

if you need me I’ll be in here

devil mouth hangout nook with pentagram table and red chandelier

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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 14h

People everywhere are tired of my bullshit but I’m not done yet

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 17h

getting caffeinated so this unslept piece of shit can go to a tuesday night show for some reason

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 18h

gas over $4 in oklahoma is nuts, we’re like, the oil area

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✧𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧ @altaudge.bsky.social · 19h

falling to my death but it still takes like 50 years

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 18h

the time change is going to send me into an absolute tailspin this year I can feel it

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𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 19h

Ring ring, perspective calling, it says fucking ✨get some✨ 😌😌😌

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 20h

I passed a woman on the trail the other day and heard her telling her kids what she was making them for dinner (spaghetti with italian sausage) and they were like “eww I don’t want that!” and I was just thinking damn I’ll come eat the spaghetti, hell I’ll do the dishes geez

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 21h

do we think this thing will work when I get it all put back together

office copier that has been disassembled to an irresponsible degree

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 22h

how is it only 2pm on tuesday jesus christ

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 23h

there was a cool bird on my house the other day

a hawk or falcon (don’t really know how to tell the difference) sitting on the peak of my house

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Dan Cerinthedark @etbeeegood.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

you ever feel the spirit u had is crushed forever but have to fake it for like 20 more yrs

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BlobStarrrr @blobstar.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Running up that big slide just to glide back down

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

The only word I’ve said aloud today is fuck. But in 3 different octaves!

Reposted by mattheween

Idiot Kitchen @idiotkitchen.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Choose your best friend: featuring such characters as
Tiny, in the top corner, "The Devil"
Man in a weird fur headdress, "Cat wizard"
Bagpipe Bear
Ye Hogge
Cross-section of a pebis

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I’m in a school workroom/breakroom where two teachers are showing each other their favorite contemporary christian songs on youtube in case you were curious what hell is like

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C. Bukowski @thishurt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Nobody hears a tree while it’s growing, but they’re pretty loud when they break.

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

my wits are not about me

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

thanks but I’d rather roll naked in a patch of poison ivy

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Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

who needs spatial awareness anyway

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

made the mistake of thinking about a particular customer I hate, now I have a service call there 🙄

Reposted by mattheween

𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Broke up with my medieval bf because he keeps placing pennies on my eyes anytime I sleep more than 4 hrs

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

now I’m just supposed to go to work I guess

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Misery Highlight @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 16/12/2024

Coffee is soup.

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

lol doctor thinks I have shingles lmao

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𓆑🏳️‍⚧️JJ♿๑ï @day10machine.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Bad news, the self serve USPS mail kiosk was down so I couldn't mail out orders 😟 Good news I got some mail !!!

An adorable Halloween themed card with cute pets and pumpkins and leaves and some cute stickers sticking out
And a sick ass weepcar sticker with a spider and a weepcar patch

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

vulnerable? me? pfffffff no

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

my skills are being squandered

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skeeter longpenis @guypussy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

(drunk at karaoke) this one goes out to grimace, ronald, and the motherfucking hamburglar

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Indeed job posting

Social Media Content Creator & Lube Technician

Grease Monkey Laramie, WY 82072

$15 - $17 an hour

Full-time

Reposted by mattheween

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 17/01/2025

You don’t HAVE to love ancient monolithic structures like I do. You aren’t obeliskated to share my interests

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🐄🥚 @tweedle.bsky.social · 18/02/2026

captain beaming all the clothes off of the romulans

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

making tea if anyone wants one

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Never apologize for sounding stupid, you’re surrounded by your peers

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

haircut tomorrow, what if I just shave it all off

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[Big Scream] @turdfartlet.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Am i supposed to be getting something out of doing these posts or is it only supposed to make me feel really bad and unfunny?????

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

sell me to vintage stock for store credit

mattheween @mmmtorbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

concuss me