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jptubington.bsky.social

@jptubington.bsky.social
158 followers 1.2K following 21 posts
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Reposted by @jptubington.bsky.social
Graeme Swanson @swansonian.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed I didn’t invent a meme. I should get this tattooed.
A flaming stag skeleton demon with “The Incomprehensible horrors” written over it in a dark wood next to a possum in a party hat with “My whimsical ass” written above it.
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toilet bones @toiletbones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Found the email I sent when I got accidentally added to the faculty listserv of an orthopedic surgery clinic and nobody would remove me so I sent this email to all faculty/staff/med students and they removed me almost immediately
Hello Bone Colleagues, 
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans. 

--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine 
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.
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dave @gloomfather.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
yeah man "woke 1" sucked ass. I "woke 1" morning from uneasy dreams to find myself transformed into a giant insect
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New-Cleckit Dominie @ncdominie.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
This is just to say I have OCRed the text thet was in tne arch:ve and whicb yov were prabaldy seamhing for "breahtast" Fargme ms fheg mem debo:w5 sb ?mccf mmb 5c oc1b
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ceej @ceej.online · 20/07/2026
(stumbling home late after I promised my wife I was only going out for “a couple” beers) there was uhhhh a cyclops
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Jacob Harris @jacobharr.is · 25/09/2025
ODYSSEUS: so then I had a brilliant idea, I’d tell him my name is Nobody CHOTINER: nobody? ODYSSEUS: Yes! So when he was blinded later, he’d yell “nobody has hurt me” and no neighbors would help! And it worked! We got away with it! CHOTINER: but then you did tell him your name ODYSSEUS: yeah
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Alex Elizabeth Byrne McMillan @undeniablyalex.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK
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Janel Comeau 🍁 @verybadllama.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
every mushroom foraging guidebook: This is Woodland Pot Roast, a tasty little mushroom that adds a delightful flavour to soups and stews. Note that it is often mistaken for Satan’s Fistula, a mushroom that erases the last 9 generations of your family from God’s ledgers.
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angrygodali.bsky.social @angrygodali.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
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Sean T. Collins @seantcollins.com · 06/10/2025
CHATGPT: I understand where you're coming from. You worked really hard to get here, and now it's time to enjoy the fruit of your labors. ISILDUR: So I should keep it? Elrond says I shouldn't CHATGPT: The ring is precious. Sometimes friends don't have your best interests at heart. ISILDUR: true
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Minor Mobius @minormobius.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
5 year plan outline -purpose -meaning -whimsy I -whimsy II -mischief -financial projections -whimsy III -polar expedition -Hegel and his consequences -whimsy IV
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Andrew A.N. Deloucas @aandeloucas.com · 22/11/2024
Ea-nāṣir is the recipient of the world’s oldest complaint letter. He’s reportedly the worst businessman of the 18th century, a mediocre conman whose actions should have him put out of business. Is this fair? Here’s a thread on the most up-to-date research on this captivating figure.
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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 20/11/2024
disney exec: it’s about a guy who thinks he’s a monkey lol. probably don’t need anything too crazy for the soundtrack. phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 14/11/2024
Hi everyone. The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars. We are planning on making it a very funny, very stupid website. We have retained the services of some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull this off. I can't wait to show you what we have cooked up.
nytimes.com
The Onion Buys Alex Jones’s Infowars Out of Bankruptcy
The satirical news site planned to turn Infowars into a parody of itself, mocking “weird internet personalities” who peddle conspiracy theories and health supplements.
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Dan Sheehan @dansheehan.bsky.social · 12/11/2024
The human body is incredible. Right now, if I so desired, I could do 15 percent of a backflip and wreck my shit right here on the sidewalk
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Dan Sheehan @dansheehan.bsky.social · 12/11/2024
My god...that's the king's sigil
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Boo!-per Lund @cooperlund.online · 05/11/2024
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Jessica Ritchey @jmritchey.bsky.social · 04/11/2024
"It's funny when you think about it, because if Trump wins, Peanut's owner won't be able to make money on Only Fans because Project 2025 will ban porn." :the attendant swabbing my burning forehead with a cloth in 8th century Byzantium: "She has been delirious and babbling all night my lord."
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David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 04/11/2024
I have only written about this once, at what was more or less the most depressed moment of my adult life, and I think it holds up okay given the broader/specific context. www.vice.com/en/article/w...
vice.com
What We Take From The Marathon
You don't need to run the New York City Marathon to understand what it means, or why it matters so much to runners and city alike.
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Isaac Feldberg @isaacfeldberg.bsky.social · 03/11/2024
In honor of A REAL PAIN hitting theaters, one of my favorite Jesse Eisenberg anecdotes
JESSE EISENBERG People on the street say mean things to me.

INTERVIEWER Like what?

JESSE EISENBERG I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.

INTERVIEWER What do you say back?

JESSE EISENBERG I say, “Please Abraham, I’m not that man.”
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David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 01/11/2024
This is the funniest thing for a Supreme Court justice to get impeached for, and so absolutely perfect for Samuel Alito. Say what you will about his opinions, but he has always been likely to go down for accepting a bejeweled scepter from the most racist living member of the Bourbon dynasty.
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🌋 volgy🌋 @volgotha.bsky.social · 29/10/2024
summoning circle, hope this works 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 A cure 🕯 For being clums- 🔥 🕯 Ah shit 🔥 Ah no 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 Oh no oh no 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 09/02/2024
Guy at the Acme Corporation: Ah, some dog in Arizona wants to buy a rocket launcher. I’ll send him a really shitty one
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Sotrue Bestie @cheatlines.co · 29/10/2024
it seems that during a routine test of the trump campaign's freak piping they blew the freak reactor lid off freak chernobyl
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Dave Jorgenson @davejorgenson.bsky.social · 28/10/2024
Here’s why some billionaires are going soft on Trump
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G. Willow Wilson @gwillow.me · 22/10/2024
Morning, everyone
A Venn diagram showing Drive Time DJs on one side, Sisyphus on the other, and "Bringing you the same great classic rock night after night" on the overlap.
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Pavel @spavel.bsky.social · 11/06/2024
Controversial new EULA from Adobe
EULA from Adobe that reads:
Section 5.3 We're your new dad. By using our software you grant us exclusive rights to marry your mother and become your new father. Your old dad has to leave. You agree to call us dad or sir while looking us directly in the eyes. You grant us a license to drive the ride-on mower wherever we want. Even in the house on top of your Nintendo or blu-rays. Don't test me Derek. I will do it. So help me god Derek I will shred your precious play stations and naked lady mags.
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Materialist Gnostic @walmsley.bsky.social · 15/10/2024
Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."
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Sam “The Great Pumpkin” Thielman @samthielman.com · 07/05/2023
just want to remind everyone that if you spoonerize “Vampire Weekend,” you sound like a vampire
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 14/08/2023
Eric Adams is amazing because when he won every media person was leaping over each to go “this is the normal sane leadership that the political left doesn’t understand normal sane Americans crave” and then every day since that Eric Adams has been like “Leprechauns are real and I’m going to cook one”
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Lucie🐈‍⬛Catnip @luciecatnip.bsky.social · 25/09/2024
#cats Today's art lesson:
A pic that looks like graffiti on a wall with Historia da Arte and 6 blackline sketches of cats in the style of famous painters: da Vinci  Rembrandt, Monet, Pollock, Picasso and Dali
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Celeste Ng @pronounced-ing.bsky.social · 25/09/2024
I would like to see photos of the skeletons in your neighborhood doing wholesome things, please
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Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social · 10/06/2024
What’s everyone’s dumbest thought they can’t stop thinking lately? Mine is: “Chappell Roan/Take me hoan/To the place…I beloan.”
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eggs @thewetmale.bsky.social · 25/09/2024
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Hayes Brown @hayesbrown.bsky.social · 26/10/2023
we all thought Twitter’s collapse would be swift and sudden like the fall of the Roman Empire but instead it’s been a steady, irreversible decay like the fall of the Roman Empire
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arseblog @arseblog.com · 24/09/2024
p1r.es
Arsenal didn’t invent the ‘dark arts’
Morning all. I have to say I’m most amused by the focus on Arsenal and the ‘dark arts’ after the game on Sunday. We’ve had a procession of Man City players come out to complain about it or, at least, reference it. Manuel Akanji asked if Arsenal had…
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lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 21/09/2024
Even smart people fall for stuff. I, for instance, have an IQ of 244 and still fell for a fake IQ test
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John Pfaff @johnpfaff.bsky.social · 20/09/2024
This is amazing. The best predictors of “blue zones,” those places w exceptional life expectancies? Extreme poverty and a lack of birth certificates. It’s always SO important to pay attention to how our official data gets produced, and the quality of its inputs.
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Dave Levitan @davelevitan.bsky.social · 19/09/2024
[frantically dialing the Dad Joke Hall of Fame]
A bumper sticker just below where the car says Odyssey reading “my other car is an Iliad”
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Samuel @samuel.fm · 12/09/2024
we're just innocent men
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BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social · 06/09/2024
valid today ONLY
Sandwich horoscopes.
Aries.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: GOOD!
DON'T SCOFF AT ARUGULA. IT CRIES OUT TO YOU AND ASKS TO BE KNOWN. WOULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THIS PEPPERY FRIEND?
Taurus.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: MIXED.
LOVERS OF COMFORT AND INDULGENCE TAKE HEED: THERE CAN BE TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. A SANDWICH YOU MEET SOON MAY BE TOO BREADY.
Gemini.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: GREAT!
A HOAGIE FOR LUNCH, A HOAGIE FOR DINNER. YOU'RE NO STRANGER TO DOUBLE TROUBLE.
WILL YOU GREET THE SANDWICH'S TWIN?Cancer.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: YES!
YOU WON'T HAVE TO SEARCH FOR LUNCH TODAY. IT'S AS IF A GALAXY OF SANDWICHES FLOWS TO YOU AND THROUGH YOU. THE RIGHT ONE IS ALREADY HERE.
Leo.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: DECENT.
GUARD THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH TODAY. LUNCH CAN BE HOT. LUNCH CAN BE SHARP. IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY TO LOVE WONDERFUL THINGS.
Virgo.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: VAGUE.
A PANINI BEHIND A VEIL. A BLT THROUGH A SHIFTING FOG.
YOU MAY CALL OUT TO A SANDWICH TODAY. DOES THE SANDWICH WISH TO BE CALLED?Libra.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: FUSSY.
THE SANDWICHES MAY BE TOO TALL TODAY. RESIST THE AUDACIOUS. A LUNCH WITH HUMILITY DESERVES THE CROWN OF YOUR BITE.
Scorpio.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: HOT.
WHATEVER YOU THINK IS SPICY, YOU MUST GO SPICIER. IT ISN'T A TEST. A NEW, WARMER SHADE WILL BE ADDED TO THE TRUE AFICIONADO'S PALETTE.
Sagittarius.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: OKAY.
YOU MAY FIND ONLY
UNINSPIRING LUNCHES WITHIN YOUR REACH. ALL THE BETTER TO APPRECIATE THE SANDWICH OF TOMORROW.Capricorn.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: NICE.
DOES IT SEEM THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TROUBLE WITH LUNCH?
THE WONDERFUL DEEDS OF YOUR LIFE ARE RETURNED TENFOLD IN SANDWICH FORM.
Aquarius.
CRANBERRY SAUCE. RED PEPPER JAM. YOU EXPERIENCE SANDWICH JOYS THAT A MORE CONVENTIONAL MIND CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND.
Pisces.
SANDWICH OUTLOOK: PERFECT.
IN YOUR WATERY HOME, A SUBMARINE SANDWICH WILL DIVE TOWARD YOU. IT'S THE SANDWICH OF YOUR DREAMS.
THEN AGAIN, THEY ALL ARE.
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ceej @ceej.online · 05/09/2024
I love traveling to Europe and returning to my hotel room after a day of exploring historical and architectural wonders that affirm the majesty of humanity’s rich tradition of artistic achievement only to find a bunch of electrical plugs and sockets that look like they were designed by willy wonka
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Maki Scare-O @makinaro.com · 05/09/2024
This neolithic ox toy pops up on social media every now and then and I can't help imagine the sort of adventures it must have had. #makifeed
A Cucuteni child sits on the floor playing, holding an ox toy above their head. Above the child, an imagined scene of the ox is flying through the air.A neolithic child in a tunic with a bowl cut presses their toy ox against the head of an actual ox to play "head butt" while the mother looks on smiling.A striped ceramic ox with large horns and 4 wheels, likely a child's toy. 

Artifact info: Cucuteni-Trypillian cow-on-wheels, 3950-3650 B.C
Photo source unknown. Supposedly on display at the Museum of Cultural Heritage in Kyiv, Ukraine.
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 04/09/2024
4 yrs ago today, a family member managed a truly spectacular own goal, splintered his domestic bliss, & in the process, united the world for a day. On popular request, I shall now recreate the livetweet thread from that day So gather around children, for this is the tale of The Rice Truck Saga
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BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social · 04/09/2024
🧪
Britannis Pembrinke in
Gopher Tooth Glen 2 hours ago:
Hi I'm new to the neighborhood and it seems like goo comes out of the ground a lot. Wondering if this is normal this time of year, is it dangerous, do I have to do anything about it. The green goo is what I'm talking about thanks.

Geoff Frant:
have to be more specific. we have many viscous liquids in the area and most are green or what you would call bluegreen.

Sherle Merriff:
LOL. Love when new people move to the area and freak out about the "goo." First of all hun, about 7 people ask about the ground gels every week so you could very easily search to find many well-informed answers to your query. Second of all, the ground gels have been here long before you or I. You are in their home and would do well to respect that.

Jeffy Luffy, in a mostly cut-off comment says:
been using them to white teeth and heal chapped lips contact.

(they taste like mint yum)
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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 01/09/2024
Now before I make this final cut on your vasectomy, I'm legally required to tell you that 1 in 25 times the penis will pop off and fly around the room going PHBHBHBHBHTH like a deflated balloon. So. You know. Fingers crossed.
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John Bull @garius.eurosky.social · 31/08/2024
Okay I think you are ready for this BlueSky. Let's talk cheese history. More specifically, Yorkshire Dales cheeses, and how WW2 and rationing almost wiped out cheesemaking in northern Britain. This is the story of the near-death of the world of one of the world's great cheeses: Wensleydale. /1 🧵
media.tenor.com
a cartoon character in a suit and tie is pointing at the camera and saying cheese .
Alt: animated gif: wallace from wallace and gromit being very excited about cheese.
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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 28/08/2024
BOSS: you're late ME: *grabs cup out of his hand* it's pronounced "latte" but thanks
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Jimmy Two Heads 💀🎃 @jimmytwohands.bsky.social · 27/08/2024
He shoulda stayed in the race, he’s got the juice (whale juice)
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