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Jared

@jlstew42.bsky.social
71 followers 540 following 14 posts

What up, I'm Jared, I'm 29, and I never fuckin learned how to read

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FIX MOJANG BEDROCK ANTI VIRAL SPIRAL @adventurewetpaint.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
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daily alucard ⚰️ @alucarddaily.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
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Jared @jlstew42.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
They call me Mi-chael McDonald Jun-i-or ‘Cause that is my name And we look the same Me and my bio dad
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ash s. @housegoblin.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
rumination
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autumb @funybuny.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
low-res image of a tan bunny loafing in its form (a depression in the soil) with blurry white text reading "from the moon??" and "impact crater", with arrows indicating the bunny and form respectively
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: 5 million years ago - a bunch of bedbugs lounge around in a living room, looking totally bored. Panel 2: another bedbug excitedly bursts through the front door and exclaims, “someone invented beds!” Panel 3: one of the bedbugs looks over their shoulder at the other and says, “you’re joking”
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Bart⚓️ @bartgonnissen.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The Facial Expressions of Tethys by artist Julius von Bismarck. A suspended high-sea buoy that moves in real time. Sensors on a twin buoy out in the Atlantic Ocean send live satellite data to motors inside the museum. This makes the indoor buoy copy the exact, real-time movements of the ocean waves.
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Dave @daswickerman.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I always wondered who took this picture.
An old canon advertisement featuring Godzilla using a printer. Godzilla is standing over a large printer with a handful of paper. There is Japanese text and the title Canon NEW BELPIA.
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persephinae @persephinae.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
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The Onion @theonion.com · 17/09/2026
Nation Demands More Jobs Where You Steer Ship With Big Wooden Wheel theonion.com/nation-demands-more-jo…
Nation Demands More Jobs Where You Steer Ship With Big Wooden Wheel
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Nathan Edwards @grackle.space · 22/09/2025
dudes rock
Tumblr post from every-lemon 
Sep 8

so my spouse is part of a weirdly intense but mostly benign men's workout group that meets at like, 5:30am outside every day, even in winter. they do a lot of burpees and lugging cinder blocks up hills and stuff.
they take turns leading the workouts and tomorrow is his turn. I asked what he was planning. he handed me a sheet of William Carlos William poems from a large stack he'd printed.
I said "what" and he explained, helpfully, "it's a William Carlos William themed workout." I asked what inspired it and he said "l've been planning this for months."
Follow up tumblr post 
every-lemon
Sep 9
it was a smash hit.
a dozen guys showed up (more than usual). spouse brought a red wheelbarrow and they took turns bringing cinder blocks up the hill with it. then they broke up in teams and did a relay with an "icebox" (cooler filled with 40lbs of ice). at the end he opened the cooler to reveal it was full of beach plum lacroix and all the guys cheered. they drank sparkling water as he read 'approach of winter' out loud.
he was home by 6:30am.
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DougExeter @dougexeter.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
dig through the TINKER and burn through the TAILOR and slam in the back of my SOLDIER SPY
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romulus - 🛸METROID RAVENOUS🍽️ @romulusofficial.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
it must be so difficult to act with a character who you can’t even see. thankfully, Foghorn is just that talented
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Shoesbendrowning @shoesbedrawin.bsky.social · 22/11/2025
Uncle Phil Classic Mode Ending
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LB 🩵💖🧡🖤💜 @squeakitties.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
thought abt this picture again and cackled outloud in public
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marina grlica 🌱 @dovesplants.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
see you space cowboy tim curry
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🎃 Imani Gandy Corn 🎃 @angryblacklady.blacksky.app · 25/08/2026
Dolly Parton and Patti LaBelle playing their acrylics. Two icons.
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Spudghetti @sharkloppy.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Just like that!!
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amy brown 👻 @amybrown.xyz · 23/08/2026
we’re at costco and my husband ordered a hot dog from the cashier and the guy said “what flavor” and my husband said wat and costco guy said “jk there’s only one flavor. it’s hot dog” and my husband said dammit you did this to me last time and the costco cashier collapsed in giggles
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茶んた (Chanta) @chanta-in-inari.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
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Comfortably Boo @numb.comfortab.ly · 10/08/2026
Warren Zevon, with speech bubble pointing to quoted post
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Piper Paige @pipermintz.bsky.social · 25/03/2026
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Pavel @spavel.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Compound bow First developed in the Ancient World Can't be drawn by just a random guy Tensile strength to make bronze arrows fly
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Lucile Danilov @locdandloaded.net · 06/08/2026
You may not like it, but this is what peak localization looks like (Asterix: Mega Madness (PS1, 2001))
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Maytera Marble @mayteramarble.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Harrison Ford, the actor behind loveable scoundrels Han Solo and Indiana Jones, started his career as an on-set carpenter. That makes him a roguelike deckbuilder.
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yaoi gagarin @mel.bzky.team · 21/07/2026
yin and yang with the light side captioned we're so back, the dark side captioned its joever, the dark dot captioned it is what it is and the light dot captioned fuck it we ball
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liz ten eleven @selectric.space · 26/06/2026
the down with cis bus has been upgraded
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lia @esper.wife.city · 18/06/2026
A YouTube comment on the music video for “Wynona's Big Brown Beaver" by Primus.
Using Google Translate on the Japanese comment, it reads “ I don't understand English, and I'm sick in the hospital, but then I came across this video and watched it over and over again, which made me feel even worse.”
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Harris Foster - Biddy Blas FAN ACCOUNT @harris.zone · 14/08/2025
GEORGE: See, I'm telling you. When have you ever witnessed a "Rondo", let alone used the word? JERRY: ...of Blood? GEORGE: OTHER than of Blood! Look, here comes Kramer. Hey Kramer, have you ever heard of a "Rondo"? KRAMER: Plenty of times. GEORGE: When? KRAMER: Of Blood. Jerry: OF BLOOD!
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Essem @essem.space · 16/06/2026
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Jeff Grubb @grubb.wtf · 14/06/2026
I thought the world cup was going to be a nightmare, but I forgot that we actually love when people like us
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/2vK7QErmzq
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C. Robert Cargill @crobertcargill.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
A photo of Werner Herzog with a speech bubble facing the quoted skeet.
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Thierry Ennui @heisenbergkamp.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
(A) incredible and (B) an excuse to post this
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Kenny Logins @kennylogins.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
Dan
@asimplemachine
RIP koko the gorilla. She lived on a beanbag chair and died knowing that robin williams is dead, which her handlers went out of their way to tell her despite the fact that she only met him once
3:06 PM • Jun 21, 2018
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graveworm unearther @waveform.observer · 19/03/2025
lawrence fishburne as morpheus in the first matrix movie where he's kinda laying the whole shebang down for neo the first time. it's in the speech bubble meme format, so it looks like he is saying the quoted post.
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Princess Pretty Girl @princessprettygirl.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
my god look how tiny this man is
Chief engraver of the US Mint John R. Sinnock at work on plaster model of Roosevelt dime in 1946. The color is black and white. He is a bespectacled man looking away from the camera holding a carving knife over a large model of the US Roosevelt Dime.
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Ryan Estrada @ryanestrada.com · 29/05/2026
Paramount+ wanted to use the image on the left as a poster for the wrath of Khan, so they used everyone's least favorite technology to generate the rest of the image.
A close up of captain kirk getting his eyes scanned. It is cut off above the eyebrows and below his mouth.The same image in a thumbnail for Star Trek, the wrath of Khan. But AI has painted the rest of the image so that Kirk is a balding man in a business suit.
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〽️ax krieger wants to port YOUR indie game to switch! @maxkriegervg.bsky.social · 20/10/2024
the ESRB when they see Violence, Comic Mischief, and Suggestive Themes
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marlo @marlo.ooo · 23/05/2026
a hand reaching towards a bottle of diet coke hanging upside-down from an IV pole in a hospital room
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𝔅𝔲𝔱𝔱𝔬𝔫𝔰 𝔒'𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔦𝔥𝔞𝔫 @johnxuandou.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
McDonald's Japan started running a new ad where they recreate "I can't defeat Airman" to advertise iced coffee, but the video is region locked on twitter so fuck em here's the video with English subtitles.
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KG 🏳️‍⚧️- COMMS OPEN @keij.bsky.social · 16/01/2026
They’re always doing this to me.
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Good Trailcams @goodtrailcams.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
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𝕃𝕦𝕔𝕒𝕧𝕚 ⓘ Rude 🐈 @lucavi.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
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False Knees @falseknees.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
A goose honks at another, honk honk honk. We see the inside of its head which reveals a smaller goose at a control desk with many buttons that say honk
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Ethan Marcotte @ethanmarcotte.com · 01/05/2026
Digital illustration showing two silhouetted people shushing a computer covered in red alert icons. Caption reads, “Dear computers! Thank you for all the ‘notifications’ but from now on WE will notify YOU. Oh sorry!! Let me speak your language!!! Beep Boop shut the hell up!”
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Bathroom Barry @bathroombarry.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
I want to fuck you like I’m Animal I want to feel you from the inside My whole existence is flawed My name is Kermit the Frog
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michael lutz @ztul.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
CHOTINER: There are claims you've been down too long in the midnight sea. HOLY DIVER: Who's saying that?
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mimi smartypants @mimismartypants.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
seriously, get rid of your crap
misidentified Netflix descriptor screen: text says "tidying up with Marie Kondo" and photo is a person with an assault rifle in the desert
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Hex @hexcat.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
Happy 20 years of Neil banging out the tunes 🐀🎶🎉
Neil banging out the tunes April 13, 2006
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BOO-ny gesserit @bennygesserit.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
it's easter: one man, one lord, one faith, one baptism, two nunchucks
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