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Shaftoe

@jbshaftoe.bsky.social
765 followers 449 following 4K posts

What’re you, a cop? Minder of Own Business/connoisseur of slop MDNI get outta here, you stupid kid

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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Ngl if I were in the military right now I’d be looking for a way out, shit is too embarrassing to be a part of with ol’ drunky at the helm.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
If I were ol’ “Kashy P” I’d be wearing sunglasses/those semi-tinted glasses from the 70’s a lot more often.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Just realized we’re gonna be paying for the funerals of all these dying senators, on top of gas/food/basics being at a very dumb high. Neat!
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worm @rfksbrainworm.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
whatcha thinkin?
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Stranger: wtf is wrong with you? Me: *deep breath
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
If only I could be perc’d out and useless in my job, after taking like three months off while making six figures a year …
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ThemBOO! @thembo.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Spelling backpack as backpaque and demanding people engage me in robust debate
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
“Anthropic CEO says AI companies need hundreds of billions in revenue, or they’ll go bankrupt.” Ok. Go bankrupt then.
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mammon @derekhill.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
reading a leather-bound holy bible on the subway while my dog skateboards back and forth with a venmo qr taped to his butt
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Brosephine so scary 🎃 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
my “no immediate plans to send the military to polling sites” shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
US military has no plans to send troops to midterm polling sites, Dan Caine says
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Jimmy Two Heads 💀🎃 @jimmytwohands.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
I know exactly why, poindexter. It’s because it looks cool as fuck
This 11,000-Year-Old Statue from Turkey Shows a Man Riding a Leopard.
Archaeologists Aren't Sure
Why
The strange sculpture reverses a recurring Stone Age motif of humans confronting dangerous predators.
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darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
tupac shakur died?
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[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Cheer up guys raw cookie dough is now at least as safe as most fresh produce
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
So yea, how’s everyone doing?
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Why am I seeing Texas politicians begging for money in ads when I live nowhere near Texas?
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DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
If you liked the Chicago Rat Hole, you’ll LOVE the Brooklyn Potato Chasm
A pothole full of potatoes
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Genuinely, why do data centers need *fresh water* to function? Someone explain it to me.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
It is literally only a matter of time before data centers start getting burnt down or sabotaged. Like, if you can’t see this happening simply as a matter of course you’re either a dumbass or an even bigger type of dumbass, hitherto unknown.
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priscilla page @priscillapage.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
me on a date
Data sitting down, speaking to Geordi La Forge, who is standing on the left side of the frame. caption reads, "You may experience the emptiness with me if you wish."
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Hi, hello, I’m not online as much anymore because most of it is either an obvious grift or overrun by bots/ai. If you’ve somehow felt like chatting dm me. Otherwise will follow the course of being a weird recluse both in real life and online, only occasionally popping up.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
So cool and awesome that the amount of food recalls has done nothing but flourish under an admin that seemingly is going out of their way to make sure we shit ourselves to death.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Don’t like McGregor, don’t like Fallon. Glad they’re both getting shit. Get fucked, dweebs.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Stg if Bezos actually starts taking what little fresh water we have I might actually [redacted] [redacted]
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Skip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 12/06/2026
doodle of a guy lifting his shirt and he has tums

“you know i keep that mf thang on me”
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Kat Abughazaleh @katmabu.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
I love how AMC trailers are now 1. Trailers 2. Ad for Amazon 3. More trailers 4. AMC ad telling you you’re at a movie 5. AMC ad reminding you that you’re at a movie 6. 5-sec cut of Nicole Kidman reminding you you’re at the movies 7. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE 8. Did you know you’re at the movies
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Skip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 31/05/2026
if you have a dick or boobs or a vagina or an ass this post is for you
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Never thought I’d be alive in a world where I’d learn that the current pope, from Chicago, would reference Gandalf in a 40k+ treatise against the use of AI - an adjacent and important theme in another once-thought completely fictional book series, Dune.
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
Knowledge Fight was and remains one of the all-time great podcasts. It is the rarest kind of thing: a show that entertains while having a real-life impact. Dan and Jordan helped defang and neuter elements of a powerful propaganda network. Excited to see what both do next.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
What does “political cause” even mean in current times? Cuz I hate to tell you, but most regular people are either dumb as hell or don’t know what the fuck is happening on a daily basis.
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Skip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 25/04/2026
having friends? no thank you. that’s for idiots.
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drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
the 403 Forbidden angel wants to keep me from this dark website but he doesn't know my phone is made by the devil
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Kind of a perfect metaphor for the media and the role they've played over the last ten years
Now deleted Twitter post from Debra Lea @thedebralea. It reads Shooter at WH Correspondence dinner. Shooter is dead. Thank you secret service.

Under it is a selfie of her making a kissy-face at the camera while everyone mills around with the energy of a minor fire alarm
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Hey gang, just a friendly reminder
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
What’s with uhhh … what’s with all the orange fish and whatnot?
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Bill Corbett @billcorbett.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about the straight of whore moose??
Gilda Radner as Emily Litella
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Skip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 22/04/2026
a wizard (why’s pfp), a skeleton minion (Claude) approached “i’ve read through your notifications, they wish to harm you m’lord”
close up on the wizard “oh dear… block them all.”
the skeleton minion crawls away “yes m’lord, Claude shall block the non-believers, yes…”
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 22/04/2026
Dark Souls boss-ass cold cut name
Supermarket deli shelf with cold cuts labeled “KRETSCHMAR TURKEY OF THE BONE”
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Luke O'Neil @lukeoneil47.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
I’m the guy in front of you at the supermarket. No I’ve never been to a store before.
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Skip, the Online New Yorker (terrifying, i know) @badposter.lol · 22/04/2026
derrick ? he has a problem ,, with the way i use Punctuation .what the hell, !!
screenshot of a dm from Derrick S Denholm
@derricksdenholm.bsky.social

Today at 2:16 PM
Hey, Skip. Hello! Good job, BUT your personal style of punctuation use (in your bio line) is Atrocious. Is that supposed to be arty? I have published a few books--one of experimental poetry. Still, some things don't work well when you break them. Too bad, as this does not compel me to read further.
O well. Maybe that is your intention. Still, keep trying!

me:
what. what's wrong with my punctuation,
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drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Doctor: What brings you in today. it's not teeth is it? Me: No Doctor: Okay. Good. I don't touch teeth. Different guy. Me: It's eyes. Doctor: Nope that's a different guy too
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
I don’t get the happy birthday wishes to people who are dead. Whaddya mean “happy 80’th!?” They’ve been dead for 8 years??
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Ghoulothy @landbeforetim.myatproto.social · 19/04/2026
This is single handedly the funniest scene from any Star Trek
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they/them might be giants ☭ @babadookspinoza.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
I came up with a foolproof plan to save money, I’m just never gonna need medical care of any kind ever again. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before but it seems so obvious now.
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
*intense movie trailer voice* “Coming this summer: Polykill - murder loves company”
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Hey gang, sorry I’ve been busy, just coming in to check on how everyone’s doing. Need anything?
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drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
:)
say what you will about a society in decline, but things are better than they will be next year!!!
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Shaftoe @jbshaftoe.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
None of this is real. Go talk a walk, maybe hug someone if you can.
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
when i am elected President, i promise to start screaming, one-sided fights with the Pope much more often, but for very different reasons
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