Reposted by Dweeby Cooper
[INTO MICROPHONE]
We should abolish the death penalty
[CROWD BOOS]
Uhh except for the most heinous of criminals of course
[CROWD CHEERS]
Like those who commit war crimes and genocide
[CROWD BOOS]
Uhhh I mean, like civilians
[CROWD CHEERS]
![Is this how you want to go out, with a show that gets smaller and smaller until it’s gone?
Maybe that’s O.K. I think you have more of a problem with that than I do. [Laughs.] At this point in my career, I could go out with a grand, 21-gun salute, and climb into a rocket and the entire Supreme Court walks out and they jointly press a button, I’m shot up into the air and there’s an explosion and it’s orange and it spells, “Good night and God love.” In this culture? Two years later, it’s going to be, who’s Conan? This is going to sound grim, but eventually, all our graves go unattended.
You’re right, that does sound grim.
Sorry. Calvin Coolidge was a pretty popular president. I’ve been to his grave in Vermont. It has the presidential seal on it. Nobody was there. And by the way, I’m the only late-night host that has been to Calvin Coolidge’s grave. I think that’s what separates me from the other hosts.
I had a great conversation with Albert Brooks once. When I met him for the first time, I was kind of stammering. I said, you make movies, they live on forever. I just do these late-night shows, they get lost, they’re never seen again and who cares? And he looked at me and he said, [Albert Brooks voice] “What are you talking about? None of it matters.” None of it matters? “No, that’s the secret. In 1940, people said Clark Gable is the face of the 20th Century. Who [expletive] thinks about Clark Gable? It doesn’t matter. You’ll be forgotten. I’ll be forgotten. We’ll all be forgotten.” It’s so funny because you’d think that would depress me. I was walking on air after that.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:qnyq7wies2uc56bzqmfz4q25/bafkreief4hu7c6hd6ymgqnsaejlaipfuj7fq4ka2tkix72pionkb3dkkdy)
![vartian on threads: "Someone said "the Pan flag is just neon Armenia" and I will never be able to forget it."
[Two flags displayed side-by-side. Left: The pansexual pride flag with horizontal stripes of neon pink, cyan, and yellow. Right: The flag of Armenia with horizontal stripes of red, dark blue, and orange.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreihrlg7ycl3gjv3vunnz3bgesge3g7tjixtdnkul2cytulgw5hwkfa)
!["Mein scheiss Hund Gniesbert ist schon wieder in meinen Gaming pc geklettert"
Translated from German by Google
"My shitty dog Gniesbert climbed into my gaming pc again"
[a dog in a dog dryer with blue lights]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreihlpdzkhbjw3vsujxs6vmhrqyotkgzrn4acunzmwlijnjed7ocl3u)
![just_call_me_oche on Threads:
"String of words your grandpa lets out when he stubs his toe"
Archaeology & Art (@archaeo...) on Twitter:
"Whaler made scrimshawed whale ivory Sea Horse pie crimper, circa 1850"
[a scrimshawed whale ivory Sea Horse pie crimper]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreid6gkljfpwr3tddc67d6rcepc527itokiw7wlgphmc4wz4ddhhdei)
![[an outgoing text message in an iMessage group chat titled "Tall guys chat"]
"Hey you guys wanna go to a concert and stand in front of the shortest girl there later"](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreia5vfpylazdlwi7yqvvfhvwqb224on422kr5dcuhyncdphe4ehrxm)
