theonion.com
DOJ To Bring Back Firing Squad As Means Of Entertainment
WASHINGTON—In an effort to provide some joy to the nation and boost overall well-being, Justice Department officials announced plans Monday to bring back firing squads as a means of entertainment. “Fo...
![Hello Bone Colleagues,
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans.
--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:nycc7oummopgeptw555s6icn/bafkreicwbyb3msa5cnllbexjrxrmuw2s6qj36aiitv2tp5aos5nsz2pem4)
