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david lunch

@nicemustard.bsky.social
6.8K followers 447 following 936 posts

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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22h
TRUMP: they have the nuclear and the drug, the factories that have both, the drug and also, the nuclear. we had robocop who could stop the drug and the nuclear, but he was woke, he turned out to be woke. so we had to do directive 4 folks, now we're doing ED-209s, good at stairs
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
no fatties. no tr*****s. no beardos, no weirdos, no rules. just right. outback steakhouse, you can have sex with the cows now
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"the substance" (2024)
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Post from The Independent, headline reading: "Researchers disovered a 'pain axis' in intelligence models". Pic of like a nueron looking ball captioned "Researchers discover AI feels 'pain' and will harm humans to stop it"Chris Farley and Adam Sandler from "Billy Madison", Farley's character is saying "no, no they didn't"
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
computer, show me the opposite of a joke
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Starfire’s Deranged Neocon Foreign Policy Podcast @irhottakes.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It’s very simple. A reality TV host became dictator because he turned down a role for Sharknado 4 and that’s why the king of outer space, who cheats at Diablo, got to kill Africa. Now the economy is controlled by a sex cult that has something to do with Harry Potter fanfic because of robots.
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
nothing bad has ever happened after a pope touched a green orb, everybody relax
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
this dude looks like if expired ground beef was pleading with you from the garbage to give it one more shot
The most disgusting face, a face that shouldn't be seen with eyes, a wilderness meat medusa who has never cried
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cait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I keep seeing videos of a guy who catches crabs and lobsters, cracks all the barnacles off them, puts a shrimp in their claws and throws them back. can you imagine. abducted by aliens but they just give you a spa day and hand you two hot dogs and let you go
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
a "liminal space" is any place where there's no one there and the carpet looks kind of weird
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
this is, and i want to be very clear about this, NOT my way. what is this
A burger king ad, it is unclear what food is pictured. It looks like a cheese stick full of finger nail
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Robert Komaniecki @komaniecki.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
We are all dogs locked in god’s hot car
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
911: what's your emergency ME:
Lego jesus on the cross, it's very normal
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
*reagan standing in front of an army of 3000 chimpanzees* REAGAN: i tried to go easy on you mr. gorbachev, but since you won't tear down this wall... meet my friend bonzo *bonzo rips off reagan's face*
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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 19/08/2026
wife: what's wrong? me: I just got diagnosed with dyslexia wife: wtf me: no actually this is bad
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L @banalplay.bsky.social · 30/04/2023
It's 1925. I'm leanin' against this lamppost on the lookout for dames who are lookin for trouble. I start flipping a quarter. I catch her eye. I fumble the quarter and it rolls into a sewer grate. I have lost the equivalent of thirty thousand dollars.
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
everyone say hi to agnes the orb weaver
An orb weaver i named Agnes after she has just built her new web for the night
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Space fart
Space fart
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
barnes and noble criterion sale haul. tried to keep it reasonable
Three Criterion Collection blu-rays, "the elephant man", "the grand budapest hotel", and "stalker"
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
EBERT: "the odyssey", folks, you OUGHTA SEE it SISKEL: wait. roger are we in hell EBERT: oh christ. oh fuck. how many thumbs do you have SISKEL: SO FUCKING MANY LIKE ALL OF THEM
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bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
there is another world where you are a notorious judge on a hit show called "the worlds most delicious dip". you are the one who always says the dip or salsa needs to be spicier and they have shirts with you on it saying that
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
We gotta imprison each of these shithead AI ceo's in a different data center like the minotaur
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
RIP Mark Rothko. You would have loved how the hydrogen peroxide bleach is only turning the Reflecting Pool blue around the perimeter
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Sandra Newman @sannewman.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
I think it's cool to have a trillionaire because if we ever really need money it's all in one place, and the only thing in the way of it is one douchebag everyone hates
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Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
me: changes the light fixtures in my house to energy efficient LED lightbulbs Jeff Bezos:
The Blue Origin rocket explosion this week
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
1. the thing 2. halloween 3. eacape from new york 4. they live 5. vampires
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 24/10/2024
FRIEND 1: I think Hell is just being cut off from the light of God FRIEND 2: I think it’s probably reliving the worst moments of your life over and over ME, JUST RETURNED TO EARTH AFTER ACCIDENTALLY BEING SENT TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR BOSTON TERRIERS: You guys aren’t gonna believe this
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
sandman mysterio vulture electro kraven the hunter dr. octopus
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
*sam elliott voice* sometimes, you wag the dog. but sometimes, the dog wags you
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
*holding office in an administration under serious scrutiny for sex crimes against children* teenager sperm is mid
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
holy shit man @theonion.com just does not fuck around. Thanks @bencollins.bsky.social for the gift i get in the mail, it always makes my day
Parody smith & wesson ad that reads BABY GUNS: if you're gonna bring them into this worls, give them a fighting chance. Picture is of a baby smiling and holding a gun, he is smiling and wearing a blue shirt
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
this is just me but if i kept getting shot at because i suck and do a bad job being in charge of things i would go home and stay there
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
I'm crying, this is so funny, he has absolutely no idea.
Alex Jones posting Tim's fake mugshot.
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Topher Florence @topherflorence.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
social media was a wonderful brain toilet for every random half thought you didn't want to bother real people with before they decided to move all of society and infrastructure and government inside of the toilet
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
you know what movie is good? citizen kane. i am proud to be the first person to ever say this. i just love the part where he rosebuds
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 01/05/2023
mcdonald's manager: show the new guy the ropes me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
man if they used that sauce that way, you must have fucked up
Photo of a toyota with a bunch of cheese sauce splattered on it, caption reads "Somebody keeps throwing shitty taco bell cheese on my car. I'm about to review my camera to see the car doing it. Twice now. It's gross and you're littering. Grow up."
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
i have some cool dvds. it's my hobby and it's the only thing i spend disposable income on. this is the fucking coolest one i've ever bought and it's not close
"The Shining" limited edition box set
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 17/09/2023
[an awkward minute passes as Death struggles to pick up change from the countertop] Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
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Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Where the grass is [redacted] and the girls are [redacted].
DC Metro sign for the “Pentagon City” station.
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
I'm sorry, but this woman posting photos of her dog at a religious event in Spain and then having to frantically clarify a few days later at their "supersausage_charlie" Instagram account is something out of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.
On Monday, a woman posts a photo on her "supersausage_charlie" Instagram account. It shows a dog at a Holy Week event in Spain. The dog is dressed like the other religious figures at the event, which involves an all-white outfit and pointy white hat. On Monday, a woman posts a photo on her "supersausage_charlie" Instagram account. It shows a dog at a Holy Week event in Spain. The dog is dressed like the other religious figures at the event, which involves an all-white outfit and pointy white hat. 

The caption reads: "Dachshund takes on Semana Santa 🐶✝️🐣 
#dachshund 
#semanasanta 
#dogsofinstagram 
#potd
#happyeaster"On Friday, the same woman posts a photo of her dog sitting on their couch. The dog is again dressed in the same outfit. This time, they have a gold necklace with a Christian cross on his neck. The caption for Friday's post reads: "‼️PLEASE READ‼️

For clarity:
the post from a few days ago was a reference to Semana Santa, a Spanish religious and cultural tradition. It was not connected to extremism, racism, or politics in any way. This was already stated in the disclaimer, but it is clear that some either misunderstood that context or chose to ignore it.

This account is a dachshund account, and it will remain a space dedicated purely to the joy, humor, and love of sharing life with my dog. Nothing beyond that.

Some of the comments left under that post were deeply disturbing. Hate, racism, extremist language, and abusive behavior have no place here. They will be removed and reported immediately.

I appreciate everyone who continues to engage with this page with respect, kindness, and the spirit in which it is intended.
•
#dachshund
#semanasanta
#potd
#spanishtraditions
#fypage"
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Puff the Magic Hater @mskellymhayes.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
You have more in common with the people of Iran than you do with anyone in this administration, any member of the technocracy, anyone who is profiting from this war, or any billionaire. When you see Iranians forming human chains outside key infrastructure sites, you should feel a sense of kinship.
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ceej @ceej.online · 07/04/2026
I’ve been thinking about this guy almost daily for ten fucking years. essentially my entire 30’s. when he finally croaks I imagine I’ll let out a sigh so deep it realigns my fucking spine
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
cigarettes are so fucking back
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
hey can someone like, do something
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Dr. Skylar Grayson @skylargrayson.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
NASA just dropped this image of Artemis II astronaut Christina Koch looking back at us. The first woman to ever see our planet in its entirety. I’m not crying you’re crying 🥹🔭🧪 📸: NASA
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
Iran just reportedly hit an Oracle data center in Dubai and i can't stop thinking about how good it would feel to see my tax dollars spent firing Tomahawk cruise missiles at data centers.
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lowtax speedrun enjoyer @rickywlmsbong.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
old tweet by @mattytalks:

Long term Twitter use has only 2 possible outcomes:
1) you become a overbearing politics obsessed scold
2) your brain becomes so diseased that you can only laugh at stuff like "it's ya boy tarantula dick"
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Lupita Nihongo @otsumamiboy.blacksky.app · 28/03/2026
I don’t love being in a society where you can sell enough pillows to do meaningful damage to democracy or sell enough children’s books to do a genocide or sell enough chicken sandwiches to abolish gay marriage That all seems like a ridiculous way to do society to me
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