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david lunch

@nicemustard.bsky.social
6.8K followers 448 following 936 posts

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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
TRUMP: they have the nuclear and the drug, the factories that have both, the drug and also, the nuclear. we had robocop who could stop the drug and the nuclear, but he was woke, he turned out to be woke. so we had to do directive 4 folks, now we're doing ED-209s, good at stairs
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
his hair is trying very hard to escape. it is being held hostage. the grease is from anxiety and a hope for a different life
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
no fatties. no tr*****s. no beardos, no weirdos, no rules. just right. outback steakhouse, you can have sex with the cows now
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"the substance" (2024)
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
after the backrooms/obsession moment maybe they'll get it? i'm betting not though. everything has to be "IP" now. cregger's resident evil could help plead this case, the filmmaking matters more than the "property"
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
the lesson that will never get learned is just an evolution of the corman model, give young people a little bit of money to do whatever the fuck they want instead like three white guys all of the money
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
that's the thing, sometimes you just gotta keep showing up. do it long enough, you're just part of the furniture, even if you're the weirdest asshole ever
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
he's like frank stallone
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
that is i think why the horror genre is so special, cheap movies that can do whatever they want and people show up no matter what it is. some of it sucks but especially lately, most of it absolutely rips
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
*monkey's paw curls*
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
garret! don't do angel studios shit, we need you to be weirdo in stuff that doesn't suck
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Post from The Independent, headline reading: "Researchers disovered a 'pain axis' in intelligence models". Pic of like a nueron looking ball captioned "Researchers discover AI feels 'pain' and will harm humans to stop it"Chris Farley and Adam Sandler from "Billy Madison", Farley's character is saying "no, no they didn't"
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
computer, show me the opposite of a joke
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
only way to be sure
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Starfire’s Deranged Neocon Foreign Policy Podcast @irhottakes.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It’s very simple. A reality TV host became dictator because he turned down a role for Sharknado 4 and that’s why the king of outer space, who cheats at Diablo, got to kill Africa. Now the economy is controlled by a sex cult that has something to do with Harry Potter fanfic because of robots.
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
nothing bad has ever happened after a pope touched a green orb, everybody relax
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
this dude looks like if expired ground beef was pleading with you from the garbage to give it one more shot
The most disgusting face, a face that shouldn't be seen with eyes, a wilderness meat medusa who has never cried
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cait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I keep seeing videos of a guy who catches crabs and lobsters, cracks all the barnacles off them, puts a shrimp in their claws and throws them back. can you imagine. abducted by aliens but they just give you a spa day and hand you two hot dogs and let you go
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
a "liminal space" is any place where there's no one there and the carpet looks kind of weird
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
this is, and i want to be very clear about this, NOT my way. what is this
A burger king ad, it is unclear what food is pictured. It looks like a cheese stick full of finger nail
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Robert Komaniecki @komaniecki.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
We are all dogs locked in god’s hot car
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
don't talk about jesus like that drew
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
911: what's your emergency ME:
Lego jesus on the cross, it's very normal
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
*reagan standing in front of an army of 3000 chimpanzees* REAGAN: i tried to go easy on you mr. gorbachev, but since you won't tear down this wall... meet my friend bonzo *bonzo rips off reagan's face*
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
dan i understand this joke, just wanted you to know
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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 19/08/2026
wife: what's wrong? me: I just got diagnosed with dyslexia wife: wtf me: no actually this is bad
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L @banalplay.bsky.social · 30/04/2023
It's 1925. I'm leanin' against this lamppost on the lookout for dames who are lookin for trouble. I start flipping a quarter. I catch her eye. I fumble the quarter and it rolls into a sewer grate. I have lost the equivalent of thirty thousand dollars.
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
robert i understand this joke and i need you to know that
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
everyone say hi to agnes the orb weaver
An orb weaver i named Agnes after she has just built her new web for the night
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
yes
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Space fart
Space fart
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
barnes and noble criterion sale haul. tried to keep it reasonable
Three Criterion Collection blu-rays, "the elephant man", "the grand budapest hotel", and "stalker"
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
EBERT: "the odyssey", folks, you OUGHTA SEE it SISKEL: wait. roger are we in hell EBERT: oh christ. oh fuck. how many thumbs do you have SISKEL: SO FUCKING MANY LIKE ALL OF THEM
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bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
there is another world where you are a notorious judge on a hit show called "the worlds most delicious dip". you are the one who always says the dip or salsa needs to be spicier and they have shirts with you on it saying that
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
We gotta imprison each of these shithead AI ceo's in a different data center like the minotaur
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
RIP Mark Rothko. You would have loved how the hydrogen peroxide bleach is only turning the Reflecting Pool blue around the perimeter
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Sandra Newman @sannewman.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
I think it's cool to have a trillionaire because if we ever really need money it's all in one place, and the only thing in the way of it is one douchebag everyone hates
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Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
me: changes the light fixtures in my house to energy efficient LED lightbulbs Jeff Bezos:
The Blue Origin rocket explosion this week
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
the copy of the book i have is a movie related release. so it has a middle section of stills, the moochie kill will always be stuck in my head from before i saw how it looked in motion. it failed my expectations because the novel is so much more graphic
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
i agree and it matters what order you see them in too
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
i have tried so hard many times with christine and i do not get it. it might be my love for the novel and my disappointment in the performances and the changes that were made, i like it but it's flat for me
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
this is objectively correct for 1 through 4. 5 you could slot in the fog or assault on precinct 13 or big trouble and it would still be right
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
1. the thing 2. halloween 3. eacape from new york 4. they live 5. vampires
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
mirrorball death star. fascist disco. daft punk piñata
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 24/10/2024
FRIEND 1: I think Hell is just being cut off from the light of God FRIEND 2: I think it’s probably reliving the worst moments of your life over and over ME, JUST RETURNED TO EARTH AFTER ACCIDENTALLY BEING SENT TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR BOSTON TERRIERS: You guys aren’t gonna believe this
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
sandman mysterio vulture electro kraven the hunter dr. octopus
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
*sam elliott voice* sometimes, you wag the dog. but sometimes, the dog wags you
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
*holding office in an administration under serious scrutiny for sex crimes against children* teenager sperm is mid
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david lunch @nicemustard.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
different guy, ristolable ran the scam, playing dad is fake birthday lol. why do i know this shit
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