blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 18/09/2026somehow the mitch mcconnell appearances are doing absolutely nothing to dispel the rumors that he’s been dead for months. 010
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 15/09/2026wife: [sipping coffee] mm the best part of waking up. me: haha yeah. wife: [looking pointedly in my direction] the. best. part. 030
Reposted by blankdirt squirrel @dirtsquirrel.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I'm so fuckin powerful. nothing in this world could take me down. not even hubris 27419
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 14/09/2026i am shocked. SHOC-wait that’s not the word. i am UNSURPRISED. WHOLLY UNSURPRISED. 000
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 11/09/2026i’ll remember 9/11 WITHOUT dwelling on the shocking amount of time i have aged since that event thank you very much 020
Reposted by blankRon Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 08/09/2026This is what Trump did on 9/11. 31155942294
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 10/09/2026lol no but srsly didja ever think maybe this is hell and we are all of us damned i dunno i’m just spitballing 030
Reposted by blankslate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 10/09/2026insider trading but it’s just buying grindr stock right before a republican convention 212119
Reposted by blankandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 10/09/2026Answering all my doctor's questions with "that's a great question" 181203194
Reposted by blankmindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 10/09/2026If you ever forget what you were doing, try digging a little hole and sitting in it. Maybe that was the plan? 111726
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 06/09/2026says a lot about the hair that we’re not talking about the neck 010
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 06/09/2026guy who has heard the term but has never actually seen air hockey: [seeing air hockey] well this sucks. 072
Reposted by blankGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 30/07/2026[wine & paint night] Wife: wtf is that Me: Rihanna fighting Godzilla in machu picchu Wife: Drunk Guy Behind Me: that's fuckin rad 6464129
Reposted by blankcap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 30/07/2026One great way to get rid of an earworm is screaming until they tranquillize you 215764
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 04/09/2026the upside to living these days is you don’t have to wonder where the worst people in the world are because they’re, like, right there. 000
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 03/09/2026pilot: brace yourselves everybody. orthodontist: [shouting from the back] don't listen to him. 061
Reposted by blankFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 03/09/2026[spelling bee] Judge: your word is condescending Kid: can you use it in a sentence Judge: cAn YoU uSe It iN a SeNtEnCe 08726
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 03/09/2026announcer: round one, fight. sumo wrestler: stop calling me that. 020
Reposted by blankMiss Riss @missriss.bsky.social · 30/08/2026I touched grass and now I'm covered in ants 48318
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 02/09/2026stranger: excuse me sir i’d like to shake your hand. guy who has maracas for fists: oh haha very funny. 0258
Reposted by blankslop enjoyer @slop.guru · 01/09/2026soup to nuts? what are you talking about. why would you even say that 1624534
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 01/09/2026one must imagine sisyphus happy. i mean if one must lie to oneself. 011
Reposted by blankFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 01/09/2026[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is "redacted" KID: ████████ JUDGE: correct 2310101
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 01/09/2026what’s your most moving vehicle mine’s the delorean from back to the future. 010
Reposted by blankandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 01/09/2026If you can just do one really loud hearty sob no one will even think you're crying. Might even get a "bless you" 319852
Reposted by blankjamelle @jamellebouie.net · 31/08/2026you see, no one has standing when it comes time to sue the president because he is a very special birthday boy 1375204924
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 31/08/2026stuck between a rock and a “hard place”? guess there’s no thesaurus in reach huh. 0184
Reposted by blankJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Mouse king: Guards! Cheese him! 713441
Reposted by blankcap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Alabama is a US State and at least 2 bands and something I might yell if being chased by a Labama 1378
Reposted by blankcap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 29/08/2026It’s the weekend. Time to post those drafts of one tribute to each of the 50 states. 59245
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 31/08/2026oh good i was just thinking politicians don’t say smithereens enough. 010
Reposted by blankCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Turning to alcohol, drugs and food to artificially alter your mood and escape discomfort sounds like a plan. 35219
Reposted by blankandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 27/08/2026I don't like it when people don't like me and I don't like it when they like me either 30498126
Reposted by blank🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 29/08/2026I’ll walk all over sunshine idgaf 36026
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 29/08/2026signing an executive order to rename earth “big america ball” 0114
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 28/08/2026me: [chuckling wistfully as i step on a vietnam-era landmine] well this is a blast from the past. 063
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 27/08/2026zoologist: this is a llama and that’s an alpaca. me: what’s the difference? zoologist: [waving me close and whispering] nothin’. 13914
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 27/08/2026but THAT guy is still all walkin’ around, doing all his stuff 041
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 27/08/2026picking up my christmas tree this weekend so it’ll be dry as hell by the holidays. 040
Reposted by blankCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I am not opinionated. I simply correct all others' flawed perspectives. 15225
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 25/08/2026suing the “life is good” people for flagrant false advertising 2325
Reposted by blankYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 25/08/2026i want a coffee maker that makes a shotgun loading noise when i start it 56010
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 25/08/2026love when people say what you need to do to be happy is to make a change. ok i’ll just stop having all these responsibilities. 020
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 25/08/2026“mrs. krabappel and principal skinner were in the closet making babies and i saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!” 010
blank @misterblank.bsky.social · 24/08/2026presidential aide: [whispering] i got this branch now what. teddy roosevelt: no it was a metaphor. 010
