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kelly

@kellyjohnson.bsky.social
605 followers 91 following 342 posts

just here doing this

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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
i’m going to put Liberty Biberty in the microwave
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Kylie Eleison @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Tech companies don't even tell you what they do anymore, they just look at you like this
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
i think it’s very weird when friend groups all permanently share their locations with each other and also i need my friends to permanently share their locations with me. what if they’re doing something and i want to come with
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
what a day to be a villa fan. absolute fucking disgrace.
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Tony Cardone @tonycardone.com · 22/08/2026
Great to see the Tottenham meme of the season has already arrived.
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
just met a dog named Bone Chompsky
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
a very merry Premier League to all who celebrate
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Kylie Eleison @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
y’all ever just
i’m playing racko with my boyfriend in a taproom. i went on to win this game. please clap.
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
everyone should agree to never do this to me
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🔪Creepy-pants🔪 @crasspants.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
A snippet of the popular scrooge post:

509 muppets: there goes mr asshole, there goes mr bitch
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
i have an appointment tomorrow afternoon so i better start getting anxious about it now just to be safe
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Rob Delaney @robdelaney.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Absolute tippity top of BBC News homepage rn
Some fuckin dog in a dress made of Spain and Argentina uniforms
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Kenny Logins @kennylogins.bsky.social · 12/08/2024
DRAINSAW MAN
@Jlonwavves
Three bullets colliding
[quote-posting a post by Niall @niallmoran_ on 2020-05-06 that reads  “These bullets collided in Gallipoli in 1916. The chances of this happening were one in a billion. Name something more unlikely to happen...” with a 
photo of a bullet that has pierced another bullet]
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 


JON FINISHES JAR OF SALSA
“I’m sure I’ll pick up some more at some point,” says Bluesky personality


NEW YORK – Jon Bois (@jonbois.bsky.social) announced Friday afternoon that he and his family has finished a jar of salsa purchased weeks prior, and plan to purchase a new jar of salsa in short order.


“I finished the last of it today,” Jon said. “I’m sure I’ll pick up some more at some point.”


Jon offered little insight into whether he’ll stick with the same brand of salsa, or reach for another label. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’ll just grab whatever [the grocery store has available], probably.”


Taco nights must be a hit in the Bois household, no? “I mean, yeah, I guess,” Jon offers. “ We put it on our tacos and stuff. All that’s really going on here is that I ran out, so I’m gonna get some more. I don’t think there’s much more to it than that.”


Perhaps Jon would be interested in hearing some of his Bluesky followers’ favorite brands of salsa?


“No, not really.”


Media Contact: Jon Bois (operator, @jonbois.bsky.social Bluesky account)
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Patrick Monahan @pattymo.com · 21/01/2024
“They know me here”
Willie the Malshi sitting at the booth looking at his orders of chicken and lettuceItemized check including one order “Chicken for Willy”
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ceej @ceej.online · 12/07/2026
kash found a cold war heart attack gun in the basement archives and keeps accidentally murking republican senators whipping it out to impress cocktail waitresses
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molly @bugmom.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
hey so the other villagers voted to put you in the contraption
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John @notheotherjohn.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Say what you will about Ryanair but they have a perfect record on their “You Will Not Be Fully Sucked Out Of A Window” guarantee
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
this is my new best friend Potato
Potato is a tiny old chihuahua mix asleep in a dog bed on a stool in a bar. he was watching the world cup but got bored and fell asleep. couldn’t blame the guy. i gave his owner a brownie and now we’re all pals.
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ceej @ceej.online · 07/07/2026
instead of forming a coherent and principled political ideology a lot of people prefer to fall in love with some guy
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
what an absolute dipshit move
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
i brought brownies to the bar ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Seeing a lot of very mean spirited posts about Mitch McConnell just because he did evil things to you and your family
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Patrick Monahan @pattymo.com · 06/07/2026
Cristiano Ronaldo: what if a mall in Dubai was a person
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turgut keskintürk @tkeskinturk.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
data visualization is my passion.
fox news showing weekly temperatures: 92, 92, 92, 94, 94, 92, 92, with a very strong gap between 94 and 92.
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Dan Hopper @danhopp.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Hey MAMDANI, what do you think of THIS (Vid of me spraying my hose into my microwave, unclear what grievance I'm responding to)
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
i’m drunk and overjoyed about this win and making pasta ok see u all tomorrow
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE
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UncleofJamiroquai @jessefarrar.com · 05/07/2026
we literally got Folarin Balogun in a round-of-16 match before GTA VI lmao...
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
ohhhhhh canada
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
every little girl’s dream
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Cabel Sasser @cabel.panic.com · 04/07/2026
new metaphor just dropped
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Jefferson-Pilot Pickles @jeffersonpilot.org · 04/07/2026
Jon Bois
@jon_bois
why watch Cabo Verde-Argentina, when you can simply snort cocaine and ride a motorcycle out of a helicopter
10:15 PM • Apr 16, 2014
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
what a run. it’s corny but football can be so beautiful.
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Sam Svilar @sammich923.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
By occasion, situation, and brilliance of execution, this might be the greatest goal I have ever seen.
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
i am losing my fucking mind
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
i love you jackson irvine
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
nooooooooooooooofuckronaldo
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Kenny Logins @kennylogins.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
tar-minyatur's court twin...
@caranthirs.bsky.social
baseball is always some guy who is a physically perfect specimen being guided day and night by world class trainers, nutritionists, and doctors hoping to beat a record set by some guy named Pickles Bitch in 1937 who lived on cigarettes and moonshine and did not exercise other than baseball games
10:39 PM • Mar 6, 2026
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
been listening to some music lately. pretty good stuff, eh?
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
goodnight soccer i love you soccer
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AugustRiot 😝 @irritableboy.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
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Alex Ip 葉清霖 @alexip718.com · 02/07/2026
My friend just texted me "no goal is offsides on stolen land" 😭😭😭
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CJ Fogler @cjzero.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
WE WERE GIVEN A FIFA PEACE PRIZE THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
i can not fucking believe this
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
the stella artois commercial that goes “wise men say… falling in love with you” has simply got to go. that’s not how songs is.
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kelly @kellyjohnson.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
good day to be a Villa fan tbh
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