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✨Vanessa

@coolauntv.bsky.social
542 followers 109 following 66 posts

writer • original content

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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It’s like buddy just retire you’re just making me sad now
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
You’re a DJ and you don’t have a smoke machine? Fine I’ll do it
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
my Oppositional Defiant Disorder got me eating so many salads right now
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
it’s actually pretty crazy that there is only one song about everybody wanting to rule the world
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
I am barking at all the fireworks today so that my dog knows I’m on his side
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Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
@coolauntv.bsky.social Funniest story I've read in a long time
@coolauntV

i used to store stuff in my bra bc i hated carrying a purse. this one time i was making out with a guy n he unhooked my bra and a bunch of clunked onto the floor. he stopped and was like "what is that?" and i was like "don't worry about it" and he was like "is that a knife?"
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
There are two types of people in this world: people who turn everything into a false dichotomy and people who think that shit is annoying.
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
I love when the weather is nice so I can roll my car windows down and listen to the rock stuck in my tire tread go clickclickclickclickclickclick
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
need more people to be upfront about being a writer before we go on a date. only one of us is going to mine our relationship for material and it ain’t gonna be you
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
pay to go to a rage room? girl just bring a baseball bat to the dump—no one will stop you
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Ken Jennings @kenjennings.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
that’s AI whatever you’re about to show me. It’s all AI now, hate to say it
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Currently writing a letter to support a partnership visa for a friend and it’s really weird being like “so this is my BESTIE and she is in LOVE” but in legalese to a foreign government
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Boo!-per Lund @cooperlund.online · 24/01/2026
It’s no comfort, but the official DHS line being “he can be killed by masked agents of the state because he had a legal gun” is such an interesting new frontier in how Trump has made the conservative movement very publicly and embarrassingly abandon every principal it once claimed.
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Matt McDermott @mattmfm.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
ICE is now responsible for 66% of the homicides in Minneapolis this year.
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
You can tell things are going well in America because accounts with names like MovieTVFunZone are posting things like, "THE PIGS ARE KIDNAPPING CHILDREN AND PRIESTS. THE TREE OF LIBERTY DEMANDS TO BE WATERED"
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
was asked this by a newly-downloaded app and immediately hollered “false dichotomy!” so i picked the first one
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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 17/01/2026
I grew this thing on my back for you.
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 08/01/2026
I can't believe it needs to be said that you can't doxx a federal employee. They work for the PUBLIC their information is PUBLIC that is why we have the word PUBLIC
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters
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geekysteven @geekysteven.com · 08/01/2026
Posting less political things since the problems we're facing have fewer solutions that can be talked about legally.
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
I’m not tired because I worked hard. I’m tired because I had to keep turning my real thoughts into polite and acceptable dialogue all day.
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 26/12/2025
if you need an antidote for all the saccharine christmas music, i highly recommend tearing down your decorations to dirty south hip hop from the early 2000s
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spooky cannoli @boner.ink · 25/12/2025
can you believe there's holidays that don't even have a special hat
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danielle weisberg @danielleweisberg.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
actually wait I think the only use of our army technology should be for the Santa tracker
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
Oh you’re going to Midnight Mass? cool I’m going to Midnight Moss (i go collect moss alone in the woods in the middle of the night)
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
just remembered that the true meaning of Christmas is getting absolutely blasted for 12 days as our pagan ancestors intended
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
Shall we add an extreme and painful ritual to this holiday so that we can subconsciously deepen our identification with group members and reap the pro-social effects?
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
Useful phrases for spending the holidays with people who know every single one of your buttons: • No thank you, I have buried those memories deep within my psyche and I will not be unearthing them. • Please don’t try to lure me into your maze of circular logic. (continued below)
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RedruM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
[when a map app estimates how long it will take me to get somewhere] but I am not like the others, I am faster, better
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
David Attenborough: “Sleeping at night is unusual among mammals. More than 2/3rds of all mammals only become active after the sun has set” Me hearing this at 2am: hell yeah brother
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
well well well another week, another opportunity to completely miss
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cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 30/11/2025
jumping out of a cake and finding yourself inside an even larger cake
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
hey have you started that book I gave you? (threat)
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
Publisher: I know you like to write thrillers and gothic stories but I think you’d be really successful if you wrote a book for girls. Louisa May Alcott: Fine but I’m going to kill one off. The nicest one. I’m going to kill off the nicest girl.
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
You should be able to get rich being silly online instead of being evil online, that would solve a lot of problems
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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
Me to a friend who's going though it: Have you tried posting way too much? Like way, way, way, way, waaaaay too much
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 30/11/2025
I love the concept of a caricature drawing because when else in life do you pay someone to bully you
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 29/11/2025
all the puppies I started following when instagram was new are all dying of old age and i am NOT ok
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 29/11/2025
Welcome to the abyss! Enjoy the abyss! Spend as much time as you'd like in the abyss! Surrender yourself to the abyss! Nothing is better than the abyss!* *If you are not capable of handling yourself in the abyss, call 1-800-NO-ABYSS for help avoiding the abyss.
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ceej @ceej.online · 27/11/2025
there comes a moment about five minutes after encountering a lost dog when you stop actively looking for a panicked owner and start to imagine a life with the dog. which makes the owner’s eventual appearance pretty bittersweet
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
I'm always surprised to open a can of evaporated milk and find anything there.
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
just did a spit take laughing at my own joke if you’re looking for a charming dinner guest to bring to thanksgiving
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
laughing all the way to the bank. the blood bank (i made too much blood again)
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
I need to win an award for how fast I am at the Costco gas station. I am the fastest because I am the most considerate and I need everyone in line to acknowledge that.
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ficklenuts is tired of this shit @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 19/07/2025
What I say: I’m wearing nothing but panties What I mean: I’m wearing every kind of panties you can imagine all at once. Panties of all types hanging off of my arms, around my legs, layered over my head; the eldritch abomination that Victoria has been trying to keep secret for so long, free at last
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 06/11/2025
going to start referring to my wrinkles and age spots as “patina”
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 05/11/2025
Listen, EVERYBODY thinks their dog is the best dog, but here's the thing: they're right
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Emily @emilyonhere.gay · 05/11/2025
sorry but mamdani and cuomo should have worn blue and yellow hats, respectively
3 rows with each NYC mayoral candidate:

(blue bar) Zohran Mamdani
(yellow bar) Andrew M. Cuomo
(red bar) Curtis Sliwa (wearing a red had)
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✨Vanessa @coolauntv.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
hey have you started that book I gave you? (threat)
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