Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleThe Onion @theonion.com · 12hNation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank theonion.comNation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of BankWASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into th... 241415137
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericlePoorly Drawn Lines @poorlydrawnlines.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Going to bed 81413254
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Reminder: Michael Tracey claims to be a friend to all dogs because dogs can't say no. 020
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleMrs. Detective PikaBOO, Esq. @clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social · 29/09/2026This is like a fucking SNL skit where studios keep making hockey shows instead of gay shows 543115570
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Who is still posting like this? This shit sucked in 2016. 051
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleThe Onion @theonion.com · 25/09/2026“I remember seeing him on TV and thinking, ‘No, that can’t be Kash,’ but sure enough, there he was, addressing the nation about a missing person case.” — Daisy, local golden retriever theonion.comDog Can’t Believe Guy She Hooked Up With 10 Years Ago Now Head Of FBIWASHINGTON—Reflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was... 282466369
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 21/09/2026MY BODY is a MACHINE that turns COFFEE into BLUNDERING MY QUEEN IN SEVEN MOVES AGAINST A SIX YEAR OLD BOY IN NORTH MACEDONIA RATED 453. 040
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I gave money to Abdul El Sayed and now I’m getting spam shit from this decrepit bitch cutting ads misgendering trans girls get fucked you fucking monster. Get fucked Act Blue. 171
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleJesse Thorn @jessethorn.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I don’t have much to say about party politics, but I can say this: you get to decide whether you support candidates who think my beautiful, wonderful children can go to the doctor and live regular lives or if they should be trapped and tortured by a hostile system. And the former requires so little. 119223
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleArrianna Marie Planey, PhD MA @arrianna-planey.bsky.social · 18/09/2026We cannot leave people behind while claiming to offer an alternative to the current status quo 0174
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 18/09/2026why risk upsetting deeply unpopular tech billionaires when you could cut another add demagoguing trans kids 030
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericlelastpositivist.bsky.social @lastpositivist.bsky.social · 16/09/2026It's genuinely fascinating that the US president keeps announcing that he just flat out doesn't know what trade is, he legit doesn't appreciate the concept of exchange and instead views economic activity through the lens of a dragon attempting to maximise its gold hoard to sit upon. 893853597
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericle🕸️🕷️SpiderPost🕷️🕸️(mortem), if clinically indicated @ridertoast.bsky.social · 17/09/2026That’s right Senator McConnell is back and ready to work! His skin is here and it’s filled with an entity that is also him just like the rest of us hard working Americans. Do not use flash photography please. 1022143
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleSam Lloyd @llamsoyd.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Defector as a paid subscriber I promise I will not get into the habit of posting user comments but I had to on this one 201018155
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleGore Vidal Sassoon @jimmyjazz1968.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Know the Bluesky Posting Rules 81326225
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026You do not have to hand it to Erick Erickson 040
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I feel like you cannot properly understand Aella's gangbang sankey diagram without also knowing that she is a bathing truther. 000
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleChad Loder @chadloder.dev · 15/09/2026This will not be a happy ending for Robert Kraft 1430826
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericleelias isquith @eliasisquith.blog · 14/09/2026MACKLEMORE: [delivering heartfelt speech about palestinian rights and the evils of apartheid] SHEERAN: I love your passion [texting manager: can mr beast sing???] 21075157
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleArrianna Marie Planey, PhD MA @arrianna-planey.bsky.social · 15/09/2026"To treat an ectopic pregnancy, which is almost never viable, doctors must terminate it. But lawsuits and federal complaints have alleged that some medical providers are hesitating or flat-out refusing to do that in states where they face criminal penalties for performing an abortion."propublica.orgEctopic Pregnancy Deaths Have Nearly Doubled. It’s Worse in States With Abortion Bans.With prompt and appropriate medical care, experts say, people shouldn’t die from an ectopic pregnancy. Women in Texas and Oklahoma have sued over delays in care, which, coupled with our new analysis, ... 1137
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleGabe Ortíz @tusk81.bsky.social · 14/09/2026“ICE agents were caught on video pulling one teen from the car and punching him repeatedly in the face while he lay on the ground. The other teen, Luis Ochoa, said he informed the ICE agents he was a citizen but was told, ‘I don’t give a damn.… Your parents can’t help you now.’” 1731691738
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 14/09/2026love to see our decrepit pervert billionaire class in action 020
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleJane @jane.meangirls.online · 14/09/2026If you spend even one second scolding anyone who doesn’t want to vote for transphobic democrats instead telling those democrats to fix their shit then you’re just an asshole. You’re a stupid fucking bigot and your instinct to tell trans people how to feel is blaring like an air raid siren. 238084
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Lia Thomas went to Penn, which does not give athletic scholarships. 111
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Straightforward from here for Zac Taylor: 1. one pass incompletion and a run for 2 yards. 2. mcpherson misses 42 yard field goal with 1:20 remaining 3. baker mayfield goes 4-4 marching down the field in less than a minute with one timeout left, breaks 2 tackles scrambling for a 13 yard td. 100
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Bengals D on pace to score 476 points this year. 120
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericleashley fairbanks @ziibiing.com · 12/09/2026we tracked months of rent payments to an estimated 13,000 families. the expected cost of rehousing those families, had they entered eviction, would be north of $218 million dollars. keeping them housed cost around $38-40 million 7886239
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleSusan Tsang @batgirlsusan.bsky.social · 10/08/2023Hooters also remembers 49916
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Different countries have different rules for the kids in the torture hole, and that's okay. 010
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleAlejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 10/09/2026No matter how much you throw trans people under the bus, you are still going to get attacked. All you've done is betray a vulnerable minority, anger your base, and made the issue front and center. 8652891329
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericlealix e. harrow @alixeharrow.bsky.social · 10/09/2026sorry, but torturing the omelas kid is just a smart move, polling-wise. i personally wish there wasn't a kid in the omelas hole--of course i do!--but let's not get distracted by purity tests, here. 5949481463
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleHaus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 04/09/2026To promote record, I offer you a Slavic Country version of Fugazi's Waiting Room 19758146
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleTom Wallach @mdwallach.bsky.social · 04/09/2026I want to make sure everyone in the city is aware that SUNY Downstate operates a large and extremely skilled LGBTQ and gender affirming care clinic, and we have repeatedly reiterated our intention to go to jail before we stop. 3346831900
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleGravel Influencer @gravelinfluencer.bsky.social · 03/09/2026I want to ride the everyone mocks Seth Moulton train until the end of the line 73387473
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleSen. Pumpkin Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 30/09/2025HEGSETH: *points to general's ribbon bars* "What'd you get that one for? Fucking your mother?" GENERAL: *sternly* killing vietnamese children 276247986
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 02/09/2026One of the towns Seth Moulton won, Hamilton, is home to the Myopia Hunt Club, which you have to admit is a pretty funny name for a hunt club. 040
Reposted by Rip Van CremastericleVeGOREpunk AuHORROR @vegapunk-aurora.bsky.social · 01/09/2026*Mr Beast voice* I HELPED THIS WOMAN TURN A ROOM FULL OF STRAW INTO GOLD USING ONLY A SPINNING WHEEL! IF SHE CAN'T GUESS MY NAME IN THREE DAYS, I'M TAKING HER BABY! 3071731855
Reposted by Rip Van Cremastericle😱 Spooky SpectreKILLoquy 🔪 🩸 @caulimovirus.bsky.social · 01/09/2026the most powerful person in the world is not the president of the united states. the most powerful person in the world is the guy who shows trump an ai video of a zoo with people in cages and animals as guards who tells him “this is real. this is happening in the blue states.” 311118
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 01/09/2026If the nightly glass of wine you drank led you to write this, of what use was the nightly glass of wine? 030
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Each sentence in this article is more depressing than the last, but it ends in on a strong note. 110
Rip Van Cremastericle @yourpaljohn.bsky.social · 01/09/2026That Colton Cowser catch was pretty incredible. 100
![Busta Rhymes: Should I buy a house... or... a link to a picture of a pixelated monkey
NFTea expert: Houses are often more of a liability than [text truncated]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:djuj57armcsoyzmdfeg7i4qf/bafkreihnjdpw4qw6afyrcmyw2bctfdl2vjumh5zydtfs4qobgaaai2sb4y)
