Reposted by Jess Hayden
Jess Hayden
@teabutton.bsky.social
193 followers 359 following 13 posts
Designing fairer futures for all forms of life on this planet via The Brave Lab and teaching NCAD’s MA Circular by Design.
Designing fairer futures for all forms of life on this planet via The Brave Lab and teaching NCAD’s MA Circular by Design.
![[Scene is exterior of THE PENTAGON]
1
[Voice from inside Pentagon]:
Sir, I’d like you to meet...
2
[Interior scene now - a SERGEANT is talking to a higher-up GENERAL]
SERGEANT:
Our newest recruit in the war on the British.
3
SERGEANT:
Brandon Cardreader.
[the door opens and a pub-style CARD READER is in the doorway].
4
GENERAL:
Are you a loyal American, Cardreader?
CARD READER:
Yessir!
5
CARD READER:
Designed and made in California, sir.
6
SERGEANT:
The plan is to get Cardreader a job in a London pub…
undercover of course, ‘pounds’ instead of dollars...
CARD READER:
I’m fluent.
7
SERGEANT:
But his tipping options?
They’ll remain American.
[Show Card Reader’s screen saying “TIP?”, and the options “15%, 25%, 35%”]
8
SERGEANT:
Being shown this in an awkward context will scramble the delicate class-shame circuitry of the British mind.
[Show a visualisation on a TV screen of this happening]
9
SERGEANT:
Some will tip 35% out of embarrassment
Then some more…
Soon it’ll be normal…
10
GENERAL:
Won’t they just stop drinking?
SERGEANT:
No.
11
SERGEANT:
In a year they’ll be bankrupt. In five years…
GENERAL:
My God…
12
GENERAL:
They’ll be American.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidr7ec7gw2h44z24gwgfdv3i6pq47vsmhwjofnvjnd6hp7fuh235m)
![1
[TV show titles]:
SORT YOUR LIFE OUT
2
[STACEY SOLOMON and the team are outside NIGEL FARAGE’S house with Nigel and his girlfriend LAURE FERRARI]
STACEY:
So Nigel - you're a politician aren't you?
3
FARAGE:
Yes Stacey but I also have a hobby...
4
LAURE [proudly, but slightly worried]:
Nigel collects nutters.
5
[Interior - Stacey and the team entering Nigel and Laure’s house. It is crammed with weird-looking people].
STACEY:
Oh my goooorsh
6
STACEY:
Look at all the weirdos!
7
STACEY:
Where do you sleep?
NIGEL:
Over there
on the pile of racists
8
[Nigel is showing Stacey his collection of lunatics]
NIGEL:
This one talks a lot about UFOs in Doncaster
[He gestures to councillor Kieran Lay standing in a display case]
STACEY:
Wowww...
9
[Showing her Reform councillor Steven Lewis, standing behind a lamp]:
NIGEL:
This one thinks we are in a simulation made by Satan called ‘the Matrix’
STACEY:
So many types!
10
STACEY [voice over]
But Nigel is worried his collection is affecting his electability at work.
[Nigel is starting to cry]
STACEY [putting hand on his shoulder]:
Oh babe...
11
[They are now in THE WAREHOUSE where Stacey puts all the belongings out into zones. Each zone is full of weird looking people. They are labelled: RACISTS, ANTISEMITES, PLANDEMICS, MISOGYNISTS etc]
STACEY:
So listen Nigel,
We can't leave leave the warehouse...
12
STACEY:
Till you've donated half of these to Restore.
NIGEL:
I CAN'T DO IT STACEY
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreigx6bwqzzlkzks6uie2qpll5mp3nar2nhfek2rhvyq7prhk2datr4)
